Forum

Getting divorced any tips welcome

Hi everyone just thought i’d see if anyone has been in similar situation, i’m getting divorced and will have to sell the family home not sure what kind of split i will get if it will be 50/50 or if i will get more because i’m not working, but there is about 70,000 equity, my problem will be i will have to rent somewhere and i will have my split of the money in the bank that i will have to live off. i need to know will my benefits all stop i get DLA and ESA.

Jenny

Hi Jenny, Sorry to hear you are going through a divorce. Ive unfortunately been through a divorce myself. Having said that I think it’s changed a bit now, i.e Im not sure how legal aid works now or if it is still available. Also alot does depend on your situation (if you have any children etc). All I would say from personal appearance is although it’s not always possible (wasnt in my case) is for you both to be amicable. Solicitors charge a fortune. In my case a third of what money I had from the divorce was paid in solicitors fees. I hope this helps give you a little insight. I’m sorry I couldnt be more help. If you have any other questions feel free to pm me. If I can help I will. Lisa x

Thanks Lisa yes i have 2 sons ones 22 and 18 so he doesnt have to pay for them even though they are both still at home and i am supporting them both as they are both out of work, eldest just graduated worked for hmv but was recently finished and youngest was at college but he’s recently finished. i was just in time to qualify for legal aid but my solicitor can’t give me definate figures and has suggested i try mediation but i don’t want to see my ex so will prob just end up sorting it through solisitors, i am fighting with him over being entitled to his pension but he doesnt want me to touch it but we were married for 23 years so i feel i am entitled to some.

Jenny x

Hi Jenny, I feel for you re divorce, as both our daughters went through it.

Amicable is a daft word when divorcing…who could be nice to soemone if they`ve, cheated or beaten the spouse or whatever?

Glad you just managed to get legal aid, before it stopped.

Look after yourself.

luv Pollx

Hi Again Jenny & Poll I certainly know through experience that amicable is not very often possible, mine certainly wasn’t. I think what I meant by this is through all the fighting etc, the solicitors seem to win big time through it with what they charge. I didnt mean to sound daft (sorry). Jenny I would have thought you were entitled to some of his pension as you were married alot longer than myself. I am also glad for you that you managed to get Legal Aid. Lisa x

Having been in the position you are I was told that as I had been married for such a long time (32 years) I was entitled to 50% of everything. Your children will not be taken into account at all as they are both 18/18+ - adults. They will be expected to be able to fend for themselves. The only pensions you will not be able to split are those that are in payment - my ex-husband had one of those. Legal aid does not cover everything - beware. My ex-husband would not fill in his form E or attend court - this all adds to your costs - costs for hearings that cannot be held, costs to get more docs filed on him (documents that have already been sent one, twice (or in my case 5 times)… it causes huge delays which run up the costs even further - I had to have my husband arrested and brought to court in the end - and I had to pay for it, as it was not covered by legal aid. I was awarded costs, but I had to pay for them to be assessed and then for a judge to agree the amount, and then to have it put against the property he bought with his share of the 50/50 - and he still won’t pay it - yet he caused all the extra expense. At the moment he cannot sell or borrow any more money against the property he has bought without paying up first but I expect I will only get the costs when he dies (or the children will!) My divorce was the result of domestic violence - he is also an alcoholic - he blames me becuse he cannot cope with the MS!

Hi hun,

Just wanted to add to the others and say sorry you’re going through a divorce. The DLA side of things, it isn’t means tested therefore your settlement wont effect your award. Yes 50% and have you looked into spousal maintance?

Spousal maintenance is an amount, awarded by the Courts to be paid by the spouse with the higher income to the spouse with the lower income when a couple divorce. It is only awarded if one party (often, but not exclusively, the wife) cannot support themselves without payments from the other.

It can be awarded for a specified term or for life in some cases.

Did he marry you prior to diagnoses? If so you can get a higher amount. Oh this is on top of the 50/50 split

Good luck xx

Hi Jenny, Sorry to hear about your sad news. I am divorced myself and we didn’t have much equity and in made no sense spending large sums on Solicitor. I used an on-line divorce website which cost about £200 and court costs were around £150. Pensions can be complicated but the split if agreed and filed with the court. As for benefits, I think if you have over £15k in savings you cannot apply for housing benefit. From experience, men if they have been the bread winner are usually more relaxed about property assets than pensions which they think of as being theirs, not legally correct but a product of male institutiions and before the benefit of the internet!.

Good luck,

Peter

Thanks everyone for your messages, and yes Diane i got married when i was 19 i was diagnosed with ms when i was 30 i’m 41 now. What i am going through with the divorce as you will all know is very stressfull and is making my condition worse, some days i don’t want to deal with it and just stay in bed… i am not looking forward to having to move out of my house and hoping i feel well enough when i have to do this

Jenny x

Me again. been thinking about you.

Now what about the fact that your adult children still live at home.

Ok, they are adults, but the house is still THEIR home.

Could this be a bonafide reason for you staying put?

I may be well off track with this question…trying to see a way for you to stay in your house.

luv Pollx

Hi Poll

He has the attitude they are old enough to support themselves, so the money i get from the settlement will have to house me and the boys untill they can support themselves however long that might be with the job situation as it is.

Jenny x

Hi Jenny

I haven’t been in your position but one of my jobs is to type for a financial adviser and it may make sense for you to contact one as they can advise you about all of this. Make sure you go to an independent financial adviser - the one I work for often advises on settlements of pension in divorce cases and could make sure that you get what is rightfully yours, he usually liaises with the solicitor concerned so they know how to word their answers to the ex’s solicitor. They also have to keep up with the position on benefits and they could probably help you with that too and find you some legal loopholes perhaps. You could ask up front what the likely costs for their advice would be. Just something else worth thinking about …

Tracey x