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Frustration and feeling sorry for myself

Hi all, This is going to be a bit of a vent. Over the last few days I have become really frustrated with everything. I have suffered from depression and feel like I am falling back into the black hole again. I take anti depressants and have done for 2 years and felt like I was getting things back into control and was going to go to doctors and discuss coming off them. Then all the symptoms that have got progressively worse over the last few years. The diagnosis of MS came as a real shock but it was a relief that I was being believed that something was wrong and it wasn’t just stress and the depression. This relief has now worn off and I am getting so frustrated with everything. The numbness and weakness ini my hands doesn’t seem to be getting any better. I can’t use a normal keyboard and as I do it support this is a real problem. I now have been off work since end of jan. I am really missing going to work but am struggling with the thought will I be able to manage to work as I can’t use the keyboard and the tiredness. Using an iPad for this as a touch screen seems to be doable. I am going to see the MS nurse for the first time next week and hoping this will help me get a better understanding of how I can can get m life back on track and feel like I can start living again. At the moment all I seem to do is sleep watch tv and occasionally manage to go and see friends but this really wears me out and then I start to feel low again that I am useless. I have been told my MS is mild and that lots people are worse off than me but I feel it is taking over my life and I don’t know how to get back on track. Sorry for the vent but I know you people will understand how I am feeling.

Hi, please dont apologise for having a vent.

A vent is good, it can be liberating.

This is the place to do it. we all know how you feel.

I hope the meeting with the MS nurse finds a way to make you feel better.

Perhaps your meds need tweaking.

This long, very cold winter doesn`t help, eh?

luv Pollx

Hiya

Like Poll says we understand exactly how you feel. It is good to have a vent every now and then.

Perhaps you need to have you meds changed. If you’ve been on them for 2 years then perhaps a different type would be better.

I gave up work recently because of ill health and feel a bit lost at the age of 52 and not working so I do understand you when you say you feel as if the MS is taking over your life, I feel a bit like that.

Hope you can get your depression under control and that will hopefully make you feel a bit better.

Take care of yourself.

((((Hugs))))

Shazzie xxx

Thanks Poll and Shazzie for the messages. Sometimes just letting out the thoughts really helps than it getting all built up inside. It is since a long time (6 weeks) since being told I had MS and then just waiting for appointments that don’t seem to arrive. The constant chasing of hospitals is wearing me down. I sometimes think living near London is a disadvantage as they always want to refer you to the London hospitals for more specific treatment and tests but they always seem to never get the referral well that’s what they say. Then you a in an empty void of trying to progress the appointments. Am I expecting too much from the MS nurse to help with symptoms are they able to recommend medications for your gp to prescribe as my dr doesn’t know much about MS and has tried very medications but they don’t seem to help and he has said is that it is the MS causing the issues.

Hi Barney

No need to apologise - as you say, we understand. To answer your last question, yes your MS nurse will be able to recommend medication that could with different symptoms. They could also refer you to physio if that might help with your hands. Talking of which, have you heard of something called Access to Work? It’s a DWP thing to help people with disabilities to stay in work. They can provide assessments to see what things could help, such as specialist computer equipment, and even provide funding for it. Google it to find out more, and mention it to your HR department too.

It’s good that you’re wantng to get your life on track. It may well take time to adjust to life now though, and you might find you go through a grievng process, grieving the loss of your old life (google ‘stages of grief’ - it’s something I can relate to). But my experience is that life can return to normal; I’ve just had to redefine what I mean by ‘normal’ : )

Dan