Ok so about 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with a lung infection - ended up on antibiotics, steroids and had to use both the blue and brown inhalers for a week. I had no chest pain just a terrible cough and achy feeling and was so desperately tired oh and not to forget the temperature lol. Haven’t generally felt ‘well’ for months now - my leg keeps trying to give out on me, I am so tired beyond belief and just generally worn down. Last few days the cough has come back - not bringing anything up at all, have no actual chest pain, but my chest feels so tight and heavy and my breathing is most definitely not right - shallow and fast - almost like having a panic attack.
I went to see my GP this morning incase the lung infection was back - chest is clear, no wheeze and my oxygen levels are great yet I still feel terrible. The cough is most definitely getting worse, making my whole chest and tummy ache and I seriously feel so unwell I just don’t know what to do with myself
I have tried so hard not to let my MS get the better of me - have denied its exhistens whenever possible and consider myself quite lucky in comparison to other people. BUT I think I am finally reaching the end of my tether (pathetic I know). I want to shout and scream as loud as possible that I feel like shit, that I can’t cope, that everything is a struggle because that is how life feels, yet at the same time do not want to appear weak and pathetic.
My partner doesn’t deal with my MS that well and I find it easier to play it down. I work in my family business and even when i had the lung infection last month only took 2 days off sick due to the guilt of letting them down. I keep telling the people around me I desperately need a break (not had a proper holiday in 3 years) yet they keep demanding and I keep on giving…
I am not a woe is me kind of woman (although you would never believe it from reading this) but something has got to give…
I am sinking… mentally and physically and no one seems to notice and i can’t really blame them cause I guess I am not really helping myself. I don’t want to give in, I don’t want to give up. I am drinking more than I should - sometimes the only way I feel I can cope is with a vodka or two in me. I want my life back to normal. I don’t want to try and keep up I just want to keep up…
I worry about my mental health - I have had PTSD and anxiety and depression in the past but feel as if everyone is just looking at me like I am the biggest fraud going - there are no outward signs just all internal so are they really there???
I know it’s all down to me… I know I need to be stronger… I just don’t know how… at the moment all I want to do is run away (pathetic or what lol).
I am just so fed up of feeling so bad and feeling so low…
I don’t know what to say to help you, does your GP know of your emotional feelings as well as your physical problems? If not please tell him so at least you get some medication to lift your mood. Please don’t drink it won’t help it will ultimately make things worse. Take care Jan x
Hi, You poor thing, it’s horrible feeling as you do and you need help to overcome this mood you are in. Have you contacted your MS nurse or given the MS helpline a ring ( they are very kind and will listen to every word you say). You mentioned you work in the family business therefore being family tell them you need a real break from work. Please don’t turn to drink as it won’t help you or the MS it will just make things worse for you. Sending you (((((HUGS))))) along with understanding. Take care and let us know how you get on, we care. Janet x
I know us British feel like we should be strong, where being ‘strong’ means never feeling negative emotions & always keeping a stiff upper lip.
This is, in my opinion, a big bunch of ar*e. I think being strong means being honest enough to admit your true feelings, which is exactly what you’ve done in your post. No, you are NOT pathetic! Burying & suppressing emotions is not good for us in the long term - it doesn’t make the feelings disappear, and they’ll come out in one way or another.
So, you say you don’t know how to be stronger. I reckon a good way to start doing that is to shout & scream as loud as possible like you say you want to (if you’re worried what the neighbours will think, then do what I sometimes do & shout into a pillow. And then give the pillow a good punching, just for good measure!)
It’s natural that we grieve the loss of our old lives, and that may mean we experience some of the common stages of grief - denial, anger, depression etc (google ‘stages of grief’ for more info - sounds like you might be moving from denial to anger!). It’s important to say that, while none of these stages are nice to go through, they are all normal, and even necessary. But finding healthy ways to express & process your feelings would probably help. And in time you’ll be able to start re-building your life again and moving forward.
I really hope you get the support & space you need to be able to get out what you’re feeling : )
Thank you for your comments, support and hugs had a jolly good old cry when I got of here last night and although have woken today feeling physically worse - mentally I think I needed the clear out (as it were) and am hopeful that by getting it off my chest on here I have been able to almost own thoses feelings and feel more capable of coping… not sure if that makes sense.
I have always been so independent - I have raised my teenage daughter alone (apart from the last 3 years I have been with my partner), worked all the time and have provided not only the roof over our heads but everything else we have. I hate relying on other people but at the same time appreciate and accept that now I need to ask for support and help. And I know I am my own worst enemy in so many ways…but hey that’s me …
Unfortunately although I work in a family business - my parents own a 13 bedded residential home for elderly people with dementia, they are both now in their 70’s and are now in reality retired from the general running of the Home. I don’t get involved with any of the actual care side but am soley responsible for the staff, payroll, invoicing, health and safety, risk assessments etc etc and am the only member of staff who knows how to use a laptop and unfortunately when most of the information we have to produce and provide and organise and share is done so on line it seriously does have negative implications on when I can take any time off. Were I employed by an organisation I would have asked my GP for some time off rather than struggle so with that in mind I have now decided to speak to my parents and tell them the same. I know they would not want a fit note but if they do I will go get one - just a couple of weeks would be fantastic…
And Dan, loved the pillow advise - saves on mugs and anything else that comes to hand lol so got a feeling my pillow is gonna feel punch drunk quite soon
Anyways thanks again for your comments… onwards and upwards for me
Thank you for your comments, support and hugs had a jolly good old cry when I got of here last night and although have woken today feeling physically worse - mentally I think I needed the clear out (as it were) and am hopeful that by getting it off my chest on here I have been able to almost own thoses feelings and feel more capable of coping… not sure if that makes sense.
I have always been so independent - I have raised my teenage daughter alone (apart from the last 3 years I have been with my partner), worked all the time and have provided not only the roof over our heads but everything else we have. I hate relying on other people but at the same time appreciate and accept that now I need to ask for support and help. And I know I am my own worst enemy in so many ways…but hey that’s me …
Unfortunately although I work in a family business - my parents own a 13 bedded residential home for elderly people with dementia, they are both now in their 70’s and are now in reality retired from the general running of the Home. I don’t get involved with any of the actual care side but am soley responsible for the staff, payroll, invoicing, health and safety, risk assessments etc etc and am the only member of staff who knows how to use a laptop and unfortunately when most of the information we have to produce and provide and organise and share is done so on line it seriously does have negative implications on when I can take any time off. Were I employed by an organisation I would have asked my GP for some time off rather than struggle so with that in mind I have now decided to speak to my parents and tell them the same. I know they would not want a fit note but if they do I will go get one - just a couple of weeks would be fantastic…
And Dan, loved the pillow advise - saves on mugs and anything else that comes to hand lol so got a feeling my pillow is gonna feel punch drunk quite soon
Anyways thanks again for your comments… onwards and upwards for me
…mentally I think I needed the clear out (as it were) and am hopeful that by getting it off my chest on here I have been able to almost own thoses feelings and feel more capable of coping… not sure if that makes sense.
I do hope you work out some way to have a few days off work…better still could you arrange regular shorter hours ?
Understandably from you being the only one capable of doing the computer work it is incredibly difficult for you but none of us can be sure we will always be able to do the things we do now even without MS. Could you talk to your parents about taking on a junior for you to train up to do your job so that it can be shared ?
I am not in a work situ but in a care situ with my parents in law who are in their 90,s and think of hubby and me as the “young” ones. YOUNGER yes but not young and certainly not fit sadly.
I do find some older people become quite selfish and forget we all have needs.
Do talk this over with your parents, they are probably rolling along thinking you are fine, you must be honest with your GP and parents…difficult but necessary.
had a jolly good old cry when I got of here last night and although have woken today feeling physically worse - mentally I think I needed the clear out (as it were) and am hopeful that by getting it off my chest on here I have been able to almost own thoses feelings and feel more capable of coping… not sure if that makes sense.