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Not sure how much more I can take :(

All my symptoms seem to have come back again with a vengeance, had a good few weeks where symptoms were bareable just the odd bit of dizzyness but all others were good, now I’ve got everything again, feel dizzy, balance is rubbish, walking into doors etc again, feel like i’m constantly moving even when i’m still, its like i have a pneumatic drill going off inside me. Feels like i’m going to have a fit or something ?? Got the nodding dog head, shaky weak legs and hands, generally just don’t feel like I’m here, my head feels so full and foggy if that makes sense, i just can’t concentrate or think properly & my speech feels slurry. My stomach is really playing up and the gripes that i’m getting again are awful, these had settled right down and my tummy was normal for such a long time but now its rubbish.

I’m sorry to moan on & I know people are suffering more than me but I’m just struggling so much, I’m only 32, I have 3 children aged 10,9 & 4 & I feel like a failure to myself & my family and I just want to hide away from everything and everyone but then i’m scared to be alone for how i’m feeling physically as all this is sending my anxiety through the roof.

You really are going through it at the moment big time arent you.

You are not a failure you are suffering from the effects of a pig of a disease.

The holding thought needs to be the worst of it will pass but it needs time.

If you had pneumonia or such like people would not be expecting normal mom/wife. They need to learn that when in a relapse things have to be different as you are ill for want of a better word. The 4 yr old may struggle to understand,but a duvet on the sofa seems to be universally understood as not very well.

It is important that you let all the family know that you are finding it had to cope with how you feel,and that you cant be supermum at the moment but that it will get better and things you have to put off now will be done at a later date.

It must be doubly hard with them off school.

Have you got the childrens info books off the ms society.?

Please dont be so hard on yourself or feel guilty about how you are,you did not invite the MonSter in.

Take care

Pip

Hi Becca, very hard for you right now and no wonder you are so down. Pip’s advice is excellent.

Take your time with things right now. As I just suggested to Amanda, try ‘one hour at a time’. Also might be worth trying some relaxation techiniques. There are loads on the internet so have a surf and see what you can find. Sometimes I just find lying on my bed and listening to relaxing music helps… close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing and relax every bit of my body from toes to top of head.

I know it’s very hard to find time for yourself with young children to care for… but try to find half hour here and there if you can.

If your anxiety levels stay this high I think you should see GP. There’s some great drugs for anxiety available and no harm at all in taking them to help you through this time. GP’s see people every day with anxiety so don’t worry about talking to the GP about your feelings.

Take care and take it easy. Sort of ‘baby steps’ through life.

Pat x

Thank you both, guess i’m just feeling really sorry for myself today, felt like i was getting somewhere but since last thursday which was my sons birthday get together i’ve felt like i’ve been run over by a bus, dragged through a hedge & flung from a great height, guess it is just p’ing me off now.

I’m on anxiety meds already (40mg fluoxetine) i’ve been told for so long that it has been anxiety causing my symptoms but i’ve been arguing it all along as i’ve said i can rationalise things, the symptoms haven’t all been there at once, they have gradually been coming on over time, i haven’t got the fight/flight, if something happened i don’t know that i would get the adrenaline rush to be able to move as i did, i’ve always said these things to them but once you are labelled with the anxiety brush everything gets put down to that unfortunately, I would guess its probably much the same with MS, every symptom you have gets blamed on that and any other possibility gets pushed aside?

My neighbour is a yoga/meditation teacher & has always said I can go in and spend time in her yoga room so I think I may well start doing that when the kids go back to school, just for some quiet me time.

I think my problems are definitely that i’m expecting too much from myself & beat myself up when i can’t do something, i really must do the hour by hour thing and baby steps from now on.

Thanks again for listening to me waffle on, think hubby gets fed up of listening to me, he has enough of his own health problems.

xxx

Hi becca, ah love, this really is the pits for you.

Thing about mums is that they are not supposed to be ill, need time to them selves, lose patience with kids, plus a million other things.

But there are so many mums here, with young children to look after and when something as monstrous as MS (diagnosed or not) happens, it must be the worst strain imaginable.

I count myself fortunate in a way, as my problems didn`t start until I was 45 and my children were grown.

But sadly, my ??? has spoiled enjoyment of my grandchildren. Even so I love them dearly, play when I can and to them, am the best banma (youngests name for me) in the world, cos I give them rides in my wheelie.

sending you a special mum hug Becca, from banma Polly xxxx

I totally understand where you are coming from. I’m really struggling to work and look aftermy 2 young daughters age 4 and 8.

I’m so tired all the time and fall alseep at 8pm!

me too.hugs.tx

Awwww (((big hugs))), i can relate to dizziness,brain fog,feeling your not there,nodding dog… oh actually almost everything you listed! i have felt like i dont know how much more i can take many a time, i feel like it now, but there is always something good that will come along to make you feel just that tiny bit better and to help you carry on. I’m not sure what it is, but something always comes along, that i can promise you. ((((more hugs))))

xx

(((hugs from me too Becca)))

Hard as it is, don’t beat yourself up - it’s not your fault.

As others have said, there are days when we need a bit of help and some tlc, so tell your family when you’re feeling real bad, let them help you.

Tomorrow is another day…

Debbie xx

Ditto to all of the good advice already given.

If it helps, my two were young when I was diagnosed and bad with symptoms. I asked them recently what they can remember. My daughter said (feeling guilty now she’s older!), “Glad that you were home more” and my son was simply puzzled by my question because me being ill is just normal and hasn’t affected him in any serious way. So please do not ever beat yourself up for doing less than you would wish to. You didn’t ask for this. And kids are amazingly resilient - they adapt brilliantly and as long as you give them what time you can and love them, as you surely do, they will be fine.

Karen x