Feeling low. I love this time of year but it also makes me so sad. Each day there’s another post of someone having a great time at their works Christmas party or some other bash and my husbands off enjoying another festive treat with his buddies and I’m left feeling alone with the kids. I so miss the old me. I seem to have lost loads of confidence and I can’t talk about this to anyone as I don’t want to bring anyone down.
Oh love, I do feel for you.
Would it have been physically possible for you to go out with your hubby? Or was it work colleagues only? Is your mobility bad?
I also miss the old me and I`ve had almost 20 years to get used to the new me.
I doubt I will ever 100% get those same feelings again.
However I still want to enjoy life and give it the best shot I can.
People often ask how I manage to keep upbeat…truth is I dont always, but put on a show for the sake of those who are doing their damndest to help me.
The old you IS still there, but she`s so deep down you have to dig a lot to find her.
Please feel free to vent on here as much as you like.
Others as well as me, will do our best to support you.
luv Pollx
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Hey
I totally get where your coming from. I’m just newly diagnosed but haven’t worked for nearly four years so really miss nights out and fun times with colleagues! I love Christmas time too and finding it a bit of a struggle past few years putting a smile on for everyone especially when your not feeling well it’s really difficult. To stop myself feeling like I was missing out I removed myself from social media a few years ago and have felt so much better in myself as most of people put on an act anyway and are probably not having that great a time haha! You mention you have kids why not have a Christmas party with them and few of your friends depending on ages right enough my teenagers would laugh in my face if I suggested that! Never feel alone I don’t comment a lot on this but find it a great comfort knowing that I’m not on my own.
Take Care
Kellyann x
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Thanx Poll,
Physically yes, I’ve assumed work colleagues only. My husband and I share less and less of our lives now. We are polls apart. He’s always out keeping fit and training for marathons and his social life is active and I just feel left behind.
I used to sing in choirs and loved doing that but I just cant seem to find one that isn’t impacted by either my husbands life or my kids. I know I need to find one for my own sanity. That won’t bring us back as one tho.
Yep, totally understand how you feel. I miss the old me too, but she’s gone and she ain’t comin’ back so I’m going to have to learn to love this one instead! I don’t know how long you’ve been diagnosed. I’m only dxd since last year and it’s been a very fast loss of mobility for me. I’ve just had to learn to do things differently, and you will too. I’ve done the crying, the sobbing, the rage, the swearing like a Trooper, the anger, and gradually, very gradually, the “accepting” of this is how it is. I’ve put the word in inverted commas as I don’t believe I will ever really accept it, but it helps with my sanity!
Is there an MS Society group in your area? I didn’t go for about a year after my diagnosis. I think I was afraid of what I might see and had envisaged a “village of the damned” scene"!!! I went thi summer and am so glad I did. Meeting and chatting to all sorts of people, with various stages of disability, I get to chat and have a cuppa (only if I want. No pressure) and also have a massage, acupuncture or whatever. It has been a fantastic source of incidental information too. I come away from there feeling lighter, both in mind and body. Attended an xmas party/dinner yesterday with Hubby organised by the Society and at no cost to us. They also organise outings during the summer which, this coming year, I will definitely attend.
You MUST talk about this to someone. It isn’t healthy to keep it bottled inside. Give it a shake one day and it will explode like a can of beer! You won’t be bringing anyone down. They will surely be glad to see you let things out, and if they love you, be delighted to help you lift the burden. The way I see it…if I have a crutch in one hand and I’m trying to carry a box/baby/shopping in the other, and someone said “Here, let me help you”, I wouldn’t refuse it would I? I’d get the help I obviously need, they’d feel good about being able to help and you are still “in the loop” as it were, rather than feeling left out and inadequate.
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Good comments from Poppy!
Hope it helps.
pollx
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Thanks Kellyann, some lovely thoughts. It’s been four years for me too. Perhaps moving away from social media would be good but I cling onto it so I know what people are up to (and for the jokes).
my kids are 13 and 9. The 13 year old has headed off into teenager world but deffo the 9 year old would love a party. I do have a couple of buddies who are mums of his friends. Don’t think I’ve got it in me to organise anything tho.
I’ve just found the guts to text my best friend that I’m sad. (so relieved that I still have a best friend!), she’s offered me a night out. She works but hasn’t been able to go on any works nights out because of other reasons (I didn’t know this) so she’s up for a night too. Dreading it!!
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I know exactly how you feel. I am usually so happy and excited this time of year, but this year I am just not feeling it. It’s been a horrible year, and I am so depressed and no matter how hard I try to cheer up, I just can’t. Am frustrated with not being able to do things that I used and not being able to get out as much as I want and with having to live in a messy flat cos I can’t clean it or find anyone else who can. Also have no confidence left, as trying to find a job and not being able to get one has taken what little self confidence I had, away. Just wish things were different. I can’t offer you any advice, only just that you are not alone xxx
Brilliant 
I bet once your out you’ll have a ball, don’t be nervous get your gladrags on and have a brilliant night out your bestie has been probably waiting for this for a while and mabey scared to ask! You both can have a good catch up and fun at same time enjoy x
I’ve been diagnosed for 12 years now, still mobile, but easily tired. taking fingolimod which has stopped the relentless relapses for the last couple of years. I stopped work in September 2012. I now volunteer on a monday at an MS Oxygen Therapy Centre and I’m the secretary for the school PTA which is enough to keep my brain in gear.
There is a local MS Society, they meet on the third wednesday of every month, I’ve never been although I mean to go. It’s hard to accept that I can’t do in the evenings what I used to do and now my social life needs to be during the daytime. Better for my liver though I suppose! Most of the year I’m fine, it’s just when it gets to christmas I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face with everyone elses parties.
Shall we have a pretend party? Mines a prosecco, what are you having?
is the problem your husband or the m.s.?
If you don’t feel up to a night out could you have a couple of friends round for some fizz and an early evening girly xmas movie (Love Actually always sets me off!). Sandy x
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You can break out you know. Try Streetlife (its like Facebook but more local). Wanting to meet other and being frustrated that so many socials were evenings (bugger if you have fatigue) or walking based (bugger if you use wheelchair).
I floated the idea of “Streetladies!” We met in town, in the day for coffee and chat. All never met, all lived in Telford and for one reason or another wanted to make new friends. Its going great guns. I’m the only wheelchair user. They meet most weeks and its evolved - sometimes they do walks (frustrating for me), some have chummed up and go away on weekends.
Going to the xmas do on Thursday, sounds like a bit of a riot.
you all sound like lively, bubbly people.
very likeable and i’d love to meet you all.
so what if we aren’t able to do the things we want to.
we all left one life behind and if goodwill and optimism count for anything we are building good new ones for ourselves.
as for christmas, it’s coming whether you want it or not.
enjoy the bits of it that you can and disregard the rest.
love is the central focus of my life and i regularly think of all the people that i love and who love me back.
family and friends old and new.
carole x
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folksongs19884 I too understand these feelings, sometimes the harder I try to cheer up the worse I feel, so I allow myself a little wallow, I can usually breakout eventually. As for living in a messy place I tend to set smaller targets, if I cant hoover a room I will settle for getting a bit done. Even though it is not the full result I will enjoy the little victories.
Mick
I am with MagoPlum, have some friends round just ensure they are the type of proper friends who you do not need to put on a brave face. I have friends who I can be relaxed with and others I need to work a bit harder.
M