Sometimes I struggle with my MS and now in my 50’s, I wish my wife would try and let us enjoy our lives instead of her work ethic (which i understand) but can we not enjoy life a bit more - decorate the living room, just finished the hall, now the bathroom needs done - I’m nearly at my wits end, soon as that’s done, the wash house will need done - I’m tempted to say, look, knock yourself out but I’m gonna move out for a bit of peace…I feel unable to cope with it all & really want this to all change but I do love her, however I don’t want her to be the reason for more stress & ill health for me… Sorry guys for having a moan, but it has been weighing heavy on me.
Aw Redman, your post sounds so sad.
Have you tried, really tried, explaining to her how you feel? Maybe print out your post and show it to her and have a really good try at conveying your thoughts and exhaustion to her?
I do hope you find a way of compromising without having to leave for a rest!
Sue
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wish my hubby would get the paint pot out! No kid, I hear you and agree with Ssue… Boudsxx
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Thanks guys - its just the overwhelming feeling of when is it ever going to be enough? or sometimes, when are you ever going to be happy because I do all I can (alot more than my 2 brother-in-laws) but it never seems to be enough… Its good to want to do things & keep things tidy but I need a break
Sounds like you are both piling on te pressure even if that is not the intention. A couple of things come to mind, sometimes I misinterpret an incoming message and think I am being criticised or being issued a list of jobs that need doing NOW. I then get snippy and it is not nice. However if I stop the think “what was the actual intended message” sometimes we can avoid a bit of grief. The other thing I have done is to explain my energy levels like a rechargeable battery, so I can only do stuff for so long before I absolutely have to stop. This way we can share out when my jobs need to be done and we can have a sensible discussion about priorities. E.G if the washing up is not done immediately we will not be consumed by a plague of locusts, the job will get done but in managing my energy it might get done on a slower timescale. We still have the occasional “discussion” about the most appropriate priorities, but most times it works out OK.
Good luck
Mick
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Thanks Mick - going to have this discussion soon, rather than let it fester.
Good luck love, it’s not easy for you, having MS and having to do jobs, I can’t do what I once could, my husband took early retirement to look after me, poor man never stops and my heart goes out to him, now I say, if it doesn’t get done, it doesn’t get done and that’s it, life’s too short, if you’re still able to enjoy things with your wife I say do that and sod the rest, again good luck when you finally have that chat.
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I understand where you are coming from here, drained doesn’t even begin to explain the MS symptoms we go through, life is too short, enjoy it when you can, I know it’s hard for those around us when we are no longer able to do things we were once fit to do, I’m sure if you explain to your wife, she will understand but sooner rather than later. I have to say my wife is the opposite, she just gets on with things however hard, because she understands the more stress I am under the worse my symptoms become. I am new to this forum, and look forward to having a good old rant with you guys, my problem is the isolation and loneliness I feel even though I’m surrounded by people most of the time, only a few of them seem to understand my condition
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Thats what decorators are for isnt it? Just be honest with her, its sad you cant be.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Just say look i appreciate you like a nice clean fresh house but i cant do it. do you want me fresh or the house?
I cant do it.
find out how much it will cost to have someone in. I did that my hallway which was massive and high cost me 200.00. I found a friend who needed cash, and he did a great job.
OR have a decorating party lol.
Just be honest. if she gets umpty about it well i would question what kind of marriage you have. Being honest here as i am. My husband was USELESS with painting house, so i just paid someone, he had to work to pay for it, job done.
but surely your wife must realise your limitations by now?
No more decorating. YOu can either have a fresh out house darling or a bit of NOOKY you choose LOL.
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Great advice guys - need to have that chat
You need to be firm and tell her that its just getting too much for you now.They just don’t have a clue how bad we feel.I push myself way beyond what i should do and then i get angry with myself for doing so.
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you are being bullied - and your wife is the bully.
she can’t be unaware that m.s. causes us problems and may well limit the things we can do. She is in fact making you feel inadequate.
(and lets not go down the road of excusing her by saying she maybe doesn’t understand m.s. or is ‘denial’)
and you have to stop being ‘apologetic’ for having m.s.
What happens if you say you aren’t doing any more decorating for a while i.e you stand up to her?
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To be fair, I do feel for my wife, because her family judges everything on hard work and moaning about it, I get it but everyone needs a break now and again
Maybe her family should consider that not everyone has the same energy levels or speed.
Mick
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