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Family, friends and is MY MIND GOING

Morning everyone, I 'm sure, no hope I’m not on my own here, I’ve started to think that a certain member of my family doesn’t want to come and see me, my brother, oh he rings me on occassions, does seem very concerned at the time, that’s when he stops talking about his life, but he very and I mean very rarely comes to see me, and when he does it’s for 5mins, I’ve asked him if there’s a problem, no he says, you’re my sister and I love you, (YEH), just so you know I have one sister that suffers with bad depression, when she was at her worst,(before meds), he went to see her every week, sometimes saw her twice, then I have another sister who lives only 2mins away by car, goes to see her, not me, now this is really upsetting for me, I feel so left out, then there’s my friends, I don’t see them half as much as I did, it’s very rare we go out, I feel like it’s too much trouble, and the bit about my mind is, I lay in bed going through all these different things, making up stories of how I’ll deal with it, and that in it’s self is driving me mad, my hubby get’s upset for me, he know’s how it makes me feel, he on occasions feel’s I make to much of it, and feel’s I’ve enough to cope with, this brother is going to see sister that lives 2mins away today, no mention of coming here, I’m also going, and if he’s still there I’m not sure how I will react, sorry for this long boring tale, but thank you for reading, take care, and have a good weekend, anon x

It’s always difficult with families isn’t it? My Dad took one look at me with my stick yersterday and said ‘look at you, old lady’. What a totally insensitive idiot! (I’m 46). People cannot cope with disability whether it be mental or physical. I think perhaps they think they will catch it. I guess you have two choices, either confront him or carry on the same. Whichever choice you make remember that this is his problem not yours. I know it’s hard but try not to let it get you down, you’ve got enough to cope with. Thinking of you Teresa xx

Hi Anon, I can only agree with Teresa. People cannot cope with disability. He, your brother, can cope with your sister’s depression because it is temporary. It will most probably get better. In fact by his visiting her he can help her get better. What people can’t cope with about MS is that they cannot ‘cure’ us. They see us and are reminded that all human beings are vulnerable and none of us know what’s around the corner.

I don’t know what to advise you. It’s very very hard. Stay close and treasure the support of your husband, and again as Teresa says, remember the problem is not yours. Things may change in time.

Take care and remember you have a whole community on here who understand.

Pat x

maybe he feels you are the stronger one more able to cope and you dont need his support as much

I have had the same thing happen to me with family and friends. Even my mother in law didn’t believe me that I had MS until she saw me when I was having a bad replase in October and then all I got was I’m so sorry. it also upsets me when as I call them so called family see me with my stick they called me old as well and I’m only 31. But I jave decided to only care and woryy about people who worry and care about me but it has been hard and I’m so glad I have done it now.

Allie xxx

you’re comments are very,very kind, and I know I have alot of support on here, they have made cry a little, because you all so kind, and made me realise why he may not be calling, after thinking about it I think maybe he is really selfish, and as someone mentioned I know he thinks I’m strong and coping, but that doesn’t make it right, thanks again, anon

Hi anon,

I have the same with my family, they have hurt me beyond repair now, and i dont care anymore,

i just think about my 2 kids, and my partner now,i dont care less if i see them again, or not, harsh i know, but thats the way its made me.

Try not to get too upset they arent worth it, try and rise above it,you have people on here who know just what its like.

jaki xx

Sometimes we just want more from someone than that person has to give us. It happens in all sorts of relationships; families are no different. Seems to me the only sensible way to protect yourself from the inevitable hurt is to expend less valuable emotional energy on that person, and direct it instead towards the people who have more to give you in return.

Alison

x

Hi Annon,

Sadly, I am not at all surprised by your treatment. When I was first diagnosed my friends were nowhere to be seen. People said at the time, that this was because I was so young to get it (17) and of course there is nothing cool about having a friend with something ‘different’. My best friend was the daughter of a priest - never saw her again. My father left too and again I have never seen him again either. But these people all fall into the same boiling pot I am afraid, and that is weak people. We have to pity them because if anything of note (such as MS) happened to them they really would crumble like a stale biscuit. So it’s best not to try and wonder why such people act the way they do as they are not really worth it. I have had MS for 26 (I think) years, and even now there are some members of family & friends who have only now learned to accept this. I know that your being strong doesn’t make it all right for people to treat you in this way, but unfortunately Anon, there are so many injustices in this world. It took me a LONG time to really accept ‘other’ people’s inadequacies, but unfortunately this is one of the most cruel symptoms we have.

Take care. You are very much in my thoughts,

Moira