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Everything getting quickly worse and doctor baffled

Hi there,

My name is Callum Hurley, whom some of you may remember has been having sudden, debilitating what-could-be MS symptoms for just over a month despite being only 24. I’m still waiting to see a neurologist, but they seem to be getting quickly worse and my doctor is utterly baffled.

I presented with classic urinary problems which come and go to some extent, but most days now I am peeing constantly and multiple times throughout the night, with a constant need and pressure in my groin region. My doctor is totally bemused by this, saying he has never seen it in one so young or at the onset of MS, that it usually takes years to develop. Has anybody else experienced anything like this? Is this truly unheard of?

I also still have a slight limp of sorts, which again seems to be much worse at some times rather than others, but haven’t lost any if my ability to walk beyond the awkward gait and feeling. There is definite stiffness in my right calf. My doctor is also baffled by this, saying that someone with such severe urinary symptoms would be expected to be much more disabled. I also have stiffness and pain in my hands now, but again no obvious loss of function to an outside observer despite how difficult to use they feel to me, and some kind of lightheadedness feelings that come and go also.

Does this sound like anything anybody has experienced before? My doctor seemed to suggest that MS doesn’t act this way and it may be something else, such as a tumour in the spine. This has gone from nothing to this bad in only 5 weeks. Even 2 months ago I was a healthy and active young man, now I am an utter mess who can barely function at all. Is this even remotely normal?

Hi Callum


,
Has your doctor referred you to get a MRI scan? If not then start shouting.

I was diagnosed with primary progressive MS last week and although I mentioned

occurring symptoms it has taken nearly 4 years to get a diagnosis.

Do you suffer from foot drop or weakness in your thigh? Have you a feeling of pins and needles that haven’t quite gone away?

Have you found any noticeable changes in your thought process? If so don’t shout at the doctor…scream at him

Callum,

It’s quite clear your doctor doesn’t know anything at all about MS - which many of us suspected all along.

I’m in no way suggesting you DO have it, as it’s still much too early to tell.

However, if (completely hypothetically) you did have the relapsing remitting form of MS that 85% of people are diagnosed with, the whole nature of the disease is sudden episodes of symptoms - from which most people recover, to a greater or lesser extent.

So it wouldn’t be unusual at all for symptoms to develop rather suddenly, and not over “years”, as your doctor suggests. The former is the typical course the disease takes, for most of us with MS. Then there is usually a much more gradual recovery, over weeks or even months - although it can be as little as a few days.

I am not underestimating the discomfort of urinary problems (peeing a load myself, and always up in the night with it). But as I understand it, you are not incontinent (I understand if you don’t wish to say), and nobody at all would view you as disabled?

As unpleasant as this is, it still does NOT place you (or this episode) at the “severe” end of the spectrum, as you have maintained most normal function.

Do you have your neuro appointment confirmed, and when is it? As we have repeatedly said, there is little point in speculating ahead of your appointment. I’m not sure your doctor is helping, talking about tumours and things - it might be a simple slipped disc (it doesn’t literally slip anywhere - it’s just a turn of phrase - what happens is one of the discs starts to bulge, and may press on the spinal cord, causing lower body symptoms).

As others have said, in response to previous posts of yours, it’s not a criticism of your GP that s/he doesn’t seem to know much about MS, and even seems to have some rather strange ideas about it. They are just generalists, and can’t be expected to know about every disease, especially the less common ones - which MS still is - only about 1 in 1000 have it.

That’s why we have consultants.

Even when you see your consultant, do NOT expect answers on the day. The most likely outcome is that he will conduct an examination, but not reach any definite conclusions based on that, and refer you for further tests.

Did you even tell your doctor about your extreme anxiety? MS, they might not have come across, but anxiety, they certainly will, and can treat.

Tina

Hi Anita,

Indeed I have to agree with you, He claims to have 3 other MS patients on his register but doesn’t seem to really know much about the topic, I think he simply is of the notion that I am so completely different to them and thus can’t have MS. I have no contempt for him, he’s helped me a lot over the years and is generally very good, but I’m not sure I agree with him about this.

I have discussed RRMS, but my symptoms are far more characteristic of PPMS (I have no ocular symptoms for example, or any sensory disturbances), part of my question is whether anybody with RRMS had ever presented like this, it’s fairly unheard of despite my numerous attempts to find anyone who has had a similar experience.

I am not yet incontinent no, in the sense that I haven’t ‘lost’ control of my bladder, but I have had plenty of ‘drippage’ as it seems I just can’t quite pass all of the urine whenever I do go and it leaks out gradually afterwards. I feel the need to go absolutely constantly however, every minute of the day feels as though I just drank 2 litres of water even when I cannot produce any urine at all. If it was possible I could literally pee all day long, never moving from before a toilet. I’ve also had lots of painful spasms in my groin, in which it just tightens up in a similar manner to when one performs kegal exercises, often for hours at a time.

In general my symptoms would be a perfect fit for something like prostatitis, but all of the tests have been negative and antibiotics don’t seem to have done anything to help. I’m trying now to see a urologist.

I’ve also had some non-spinal like symptoms too however, such as dizziness and numbness in my hands, again without loss of function however. I can still write normally for example, but it is a terrible struggle to do so and I have to force my hand to move as though it weighs a ton. Reflexes are normal. No loss of grip strength, but it feels as tight and weak as a pulled muscle, moving my right thumb has become really painful and feels like the joint is totally swollen.

I know answers could be a long time coming, I really just want to know how bad this ‘looks’, as from where I am standing it is not looking good. People at my age don’t just develop bladder problems for no reason after all, and this has just gotten worse and worse over the course of 5 weeks.

As far as the anxiety goes I am much better now actually, thank you for asking. I think it was a terrible shock to go from healthy to this state and it took some time for me to come to terms with it but I am psychologically functional again now. Certainly not feeling great, but enough to keep living in the meantime. I have some lorazepam to use for when it becomes too much but I have only used it a couple of times. I just want to get to the bottom of this so that I know what to expect and how to live. If I don’t have much time left for example I want to make the very most of it, I have always loved surfing/snowboarding/mountian walking for example and if I am doomed to lose my ability to do both then I want to get out there and make the most of the last chance I have.

Please, for your own sake, lay off with the “doomed to”.

You are not “doomed to” anything yet, it might be something completely fixable. And, as I have said to you many times already, even if you did have MS, nothing about its course is written in stone. You might be only mildly affected for very many years! It’s stupid writing yourself off as “doomed”.

Also, stay off Google. Vision problems are a common presenting symptom of RRMS, but it does NOT follow that absence of vision problems means it can only be PPMS. I’m over five years diagnosed with RRMS, possibly had it a decade or two before that (diagnosed in 40s, but had a few odd things happen in 20s), but have NEVER had optic neuritis.

Neither am I any more disabled than you are today - i.e. nothing to see by looking at me, motor function OK.

I’m not suggesting I’m about to go snowboarding - but I was always crap at that kind of thing anyway, plus I’m nearly 50, so it’s not very likely it would have been something I was planning anyway!

If you passed me in the street, you wouldn’t say: “There goes someone who’s had MS between 5 and 25 years!” You would have absolutely no idea at all. If you got to know me better, you might think I seem a bit feeble for my age (though late 40s is probably ancient to you anyway), or that I get through rather a lot of painkillers, but I almost certainly wouldn’t fit your image of “disabled” (unfortunately don’t fit the Department for Work and Pensions’ image, either - so no benefits for me, as I’m just not ill enough).

Tina

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hi callum

just to fill in some gaps for you.

urinary problems need input from a specialist.

your gp can refer you to a bladder and bowel clinic (formerly known as continence clinic). you can also self refer.

you sound like you are retaining urine and the nurse at the clinic will want you to record your input and output of fluids for several days, which involves a plastic measuring jug.

it is easy to see that retention is occurring from this information.

the nurse will advise you on what and how much to drink.

S/he may suggest that you try intermittent self catheterisation.

although this sounds awful, it really isn’t.

you should really try to meet up with other people with neurological conditions because a lot of them will have the same problems with peeing and could share their solutions with you.

note that i didn’t say MS, as Tina says this isn’t helpful.

possible neurological condition is a better description at this point.

i really hope that you get some help and are able to enjoy living yor life.

take care

carole xx

Yes, it does seem to be the case. It’s so strange, they came absolutely out of nowhere and became quite severe really quickly.

Is it definitely necessary that I will need to regularly catheter myself? Because that is precisely the sort of thing that I fear most of all. I’m only 24 and can’t imagine a lifetime of needing to do such a thing everyday.

Could this not be temporary? If it were an MS flare, or a slipped disc, or something else, would it not improve once the cause did? It seems quite variable now, for example I had to get up to pee 3 times last night but today have only gone once despite drinking plenty.

Callum,

Of course it could be temporary. You are still not listening.

The only person who thinks anything is definite or inevitable is you!

MS is not predictable like that, and as we don’t even know whether you have MS, that adds another layer of uncertainty.

It is not inevitable you will ever have to use a catheter at all, let alone for the rest of your life.

IF you have had what is essentially your very first MS relapse (although it’s not diagnosed as MS unless there’s more than one), there is every probability you will recover - most people do!

If it turns out to be a slipped disc, that may need corrective surgery - but again, should be OK once any impingement of the spinal cord is addressed.

You are still getting much, much too far ahead of yourself, imagining the worst possible “rest of your life”, when you don’t even know yet what the problem is!

Tina

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Tina,

I never said that I was actually any good at snowboarding/surfing either, between the two they’ve probably caused me more pain in injuries than anything else (!), but I do enjoy them and am scared of the notion of never being able to do them again. It’s that kind of loss of freedom that I find most horrifying about all of this, I’m sure that’s something everyone on here has had to come to terms with.

I’m honestly not assuming my ‘doom’ yet, I’m just not assuming that it isn’t going to happen either. My mind is completely open at this point, and I dare even say ready for whatever the eventuality is. Based upon the symptoms it doesn’t seem to look good but I know that literally anything can happen in the world of medicine.

I’m really glad to hear that have had a relatively minor course of your MS (not that I imagine it feels ‘minor’ to you at all!). If I do turn out to have MS then I truly hope that my disease would follow a path similar to your own, though my heart is always with those who have suffered worst of all. I pray that I might find a fraction of their (and your own) courage for myself to get through this and find out what is going on.

Thank you for your kindness and encouragement, you are right to stress that my goal now is 100% to get through and find an answer before I contemplate anything further about the ‘rest of my life’ (however long or short that might turn out to be). I

HI CALLUM,

MY HUSBAND WAS DIAGNOSED IN JUNE WITH MS, AFTER YEARS OF GOING BACK AND FORTH TO GP , AND THEN SHOWING SYMPTOMS OF A STROKE LAST YEAR, IT WAS EVENTUALLY A RELIEF TO BE TOLD THAT IT WAS MS, THE DOWN SIDE WAS, WHEN WE LAST WENT TO THE STROKE CLINIC WE WERE TOLD THAT ACTUALLY THEY THOUGHT HE HAD HAD IT ABOUT 10-15 YRS, YOU REALLY NEED TO DO SOME SHOUTING AT YOUR GP OR CHANGE DOCTORS, I WENT WITH MY HUSBAND TWICE A WEEK FOR 3 MONTHS EARLIER IN THE YEAR HE WAS CONVINCED HE HAD CANCER. HE REALLY WASN’T WELL, MY NIECE AN A&E NURSE HAD EVEN PUT THE SUGGESTION OF MS FORWARD AND THE DOCTOR SAID NOT TO BE SO DRAMATIC…NOW 6 MONTHS ON SINCE DIAGNOSIS WE ARE STARTING TO UNDERSTAND SOME THINGS BETTER HE IS BEING SEEN AT CONTINENCE CLINIC, HE HAS AN MS NURSE ON THE END OF THE PHONE FOR ANY PROBLEMS SHE IS A GODSEND… HE IS EXERCISING TO MR MOTIVATOR LOL TO KEEP HIS FITNESS LEVELS UP. HE IS NOW UNABLE TO WALK WITHOUT A WALKER , BUT THE RELIEF OF KNOWING IT WASN’T ALL IN HIS MIND…ONCE YOU HAVE THAT DIAGNOSIS THEN YOU CAN TAKE EACH SYMPTOM AND DEAL WITH IT ONE AT A TIME …IT REALLY ISNT THE END OF THE WORLD ALTHOUGH IT SOMETIMES FEELS LIKE IT AND IT SEEMS EVERYONE DEALS WITH BEING TOLD YOU HAVE MS DIFFERENTLY.

I CRIED MY HUSBAND SAID THANK GOD FOR THAT I THOUGHT I HAD A BRAIN TUMOUR.

GOOD LUCK

Hi Callum,

I am not saying that you don’t have MS - no-one here can tell you that. I am not for one saying that your symptoms are imagined or insignificant. But there are a number of things in our posts that raise the possibility that health anxiety is very possibly a major issue for you, and I honestly think you might benefit rom speaking to a doctor about this.

I wonder what your doctor might advise if he/she knew the content of your posts (and just to be totally clear, that is in no way to suggest anyone would talk to your doctor about this - no-one has the details needed to do that, other than yourself). I wonder whether, from a health anxiety perspective, forums like this might serve only to keep your cycle of anxiety going. I am not trying to be unkind, or say you’re not welcome, because obviously you are very welcome here, and people only want to help and support you. I am just genuinely concerned that the answers you get really don’t seem to be helping or reassuring you, and seem to lead to cyclical discussions and escalating anxieties… and this may be feeding genuine clinical health anxiety, which is itself a debilitating condition that needs careful management.

I honestly don’t mean to upset or offend, and I hope you don’t take this as such. It’s just that I am really concerned that the posts you are writing are eliciting responses that are contributing to and exacerbating your health anxiety, and this is really not helpful for you.

Please think about this.

all the best

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Good day to you all

I think Pingu has a good point! It’s amazing how psychologically we can affect our body. Go see your GP and insist on a neuro Appt and in the meantime do what you can physically or mentally to distract yourself, in other words “live your life”. If you have an autoimmune disorder or something else it will be diagnosed eventually but if you paralyse yourself with anxiety then you are not living at all. If you do have one then you can and will adjust, I have PPMS and if I was told that my life was over and I couldn’t live a fulfilling life due to my disability I would be offended! You just adjust your life and your attitude once you come to terms with your disorder!

Anyway that was my 2p worth!

Mr Wobbly

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Hi Pingu,

I understand completely what you are saying, I am no stranger to Anxiety disorders and have suffered from them terribly in the past. Indeed I think on some level that my medical record being covered in so many metaphorical ‘black marks’ is a large part of the reason it’s taken me so long to get taken seriously.

The thing is that, and this is going to sound suspect but please bare with me, I know exactly what anxiety disorder symptoms feel like as I have had them all at one point or another. Seriously, I’ve gone from dizziness to twitches, stomach problems, depersonalisation, aches and pains, headaches, everything.

I overcame those problems after a lot of work, I saw various therapists for example and I still now meditate for over an hour a day. I became deeply immersed in philosophy and changed my entire outcome on life, Stoicism primarily, I grew to accept that anything could happen and learned to stop worrying. When this all began, it came out of nowhere one morning and has gotten this bad in only 5 weeks, I hadn’t had an anxious incident in literally years. It’s a real sort of distant forgotten thing to me now. I am a veritable expert at my own anxiety in a way, I have no concerns about it being fed by something such as this forum.

And these symptoms are nothing even remotely like those that the anxiety caused for me. I’m not claiming that I have the comprehensive monopoly understanding as to all possible anxiety effects, but i think I’m at least reasonably qualified to say that. The urinary symptoms in particular, anxiety never caused anything like that, anxiety symptoms were always ‘invisible’ and not measurable. And my declining ability to walk, there is no way that anxiety could cause that.

I am now finding myself wondering with each twinge whether it is ‘real’ or not, but it just doesn’t add up. I developed all of these things without having any idea what they meant or that they could point to MS, I was as baffled as my doctor. I’ve also actually had smaller episodes of similar symptoms in the past - foot drop a few years ago, stiffness in my hand that went away - that I ignored at the time as I did everything in that anxious-period.

There is clearly something wrong, which I agree could or could not be MS, and might or might not be permanent. I get the impression that I’m in quite a different situations to a lot of you, in that my issues have been much more sudden, incapacitating all-at-once, and unusual. I have no support really and am still in a sort of limbo from my old life, which I can’t know if I will ever be able to return to. The urinary problems in particular, if they don’t improve, seem to be giving the impression that they will leave me pretty handicapped. I’m trying hard to appreciate the days now in the run-up to the MRIs, but living with the knowledge that my life (as I know it) might have so suddenly come to an end is a terrible burden. It has been helpful to be able to discuss it with others who understand those kind of feelings.

Callum,

I think your so-called “stoicism” may have degenerated into fatalism - that is, routinely viewing the worst-case-scenario as inevitable and inescapable.

That is not a philosophy of life at all. That is no life!

Your life has absolutely NOT “suddenly come to an end” - that is absurd and pointless melodramatics. You admit you are not disabled - by any normal understanding of the word - yet still you persist with this: “My life is over” business - which, as has been mentioned, could be quite offensive to the many diagnosed people here, to suggest that a life “like theirs” is no life - or at any rate, not one not worth living.

If you think yourself into your life being “over”, then it effectively will be (regardless of your actual illness), because nobody ever played a bad hand well by staring into space and moaning that their life was over! The people who do best with MS (or any serious illness), independent of degree of disability, are those who either naturally have, or manage to cultivate, a positive mental attitude. Focusing on what they have, not what they’ve lost, what they can do, not what they can’t.

Life is always precious, and always fragile. Think of those poor people in Paris. Bet they and their families would rather have had ANY chance at life - even one with disability - than what they actually got. You’ve got what they haven’t - a life! Try to be grateful for it, instead of dwelling all the time on how awful and worthless it’s “inevitably” going to be. If you keep telling yourself it’s awful and worthless, then that’s exactly how it will seem…to you. But it doesn’t have to be - it’s a mental choice.

Tina

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Tina,

Fatalism is a central part of Stoicism yes, but it is about much more than just giving up. If it is in any way possible to live a good life then I will do so without any hesitation, I have loved my life greatly despite it having been truly very hard (and even before all of this it was), it is certainly my preferred scenario even if it is to be more difficult besides. But a stoic holds such convictions with the understanding that circumstances outside of their control mean that they are always provisional, and one should be inherently ready to let go of them when outside forces makes them unattainable.

I hope that you are correct and that things work out alright for me, that I have a disease that is treatable or progresses similarly to that of most MS patients, giving me the ability to shape my own future and make the most of it. I have nothing but the greatest of respect for all of you that have done just that. If I can have a “life like theirs” then I will, and I will try my very best to honour ‘them’ with it, to bring meaning to my suffering.

I feel only that it seems that everything now points away from that scenario, to something far worse. That is not to say that new information cannot arise, especially after the tests and doctors really examine things, but my outlook is neither optimistic nor defeatist. I am very exhausted and working hard to make it so that I am ready for whatever should happen, I have suffered much and that is making a positive attitude harder to embody. Nevertheless your encouragement is very kind and appreciated, I will not forget it.

I think constantly now about the many who have suffered even worse than I, children and teenagers with such horrible diseases who missed out even on the life I got to lead, and I think repeatedly about honouring their memory with my behaviour. I am striving now to have courage to keep the hope afloat in the hearts of those around me devastated by what has happened, to be truthful my attitude here is far more honest and delicate than any around me would imagine and it is partially this forum permitting me to splurge that has allowed me to maintain my strength to those around me. You would not recognise me in person I feel, where I am still all laughter and sarcasm. I can see in the eyes and behaviour of others that I am barely recognisable nonetheless, a spectre of the man I once was. It is that kind of ghost-like existence, that I am trapped in now, that I don’t want to lead, and that perhaps you are correct that it is down to me and not a disease.

I feel only that it seems that everything now points away from that scenario, to something far worse. That is not to say that new information cannot arise, especially after the tests and doctors really examine things, but my outlook is neither optimistic nor defeatist. I am very exhausted and working hard to make it so that I am ready for whatever should happen, I have suffered much and that is making a positive attitude harder to embody. Nevertheless your encouragement is very kind and appreciated, I will not forget it.

“I feel only that it seems that everything now points away from that scenario, to something far worse.”

There we go again. Nothing points to that - NOTHING.

You’ve not been diagnosed with anything, you’ve only had symptoms for a very short time, they are NOT presenting as “unusually severe”, despite what you’ve managed to convince yourself - and still keep on convincing yourself.

There is only a very small chance of anyone with MS becoming “totally paralysed”, yet you seem to have it all the wrong way round, and to believe there’s only a one-in-a-million chance, maybe less, that you wouldn’t be. And that’s completely disregarding the fact that you are a self-diagnoser, who has not, in fact, had a single MS-specific test yet, let alone confirmation.

You have great energy to write at length here, defending your (unshakeable) position, so you are not that ill or dysfunctional.

I’m not criticising you for being long-winded, by the way - that would definitely be pot and kettle - I too like to write. I’m also not saying nothing’s wrong.

But you clearly have intelligence, even passion, of a kind, and yet it seems wholly directed to negative things - the conviction your future is bleak to non-existent, and trying to convince others of same.

What would happen if you turned that intelligence and passion to considering you might not even have MS, and that even if you did, you WILL cope, no matter what, because you’re a survivor?

Another poster has already pointed out that the majority of us here probably don’t satisfy the definition of “heroes”. That’s not false modesty - it’s the truth. It’s not heroic, because, believe it or not, most people cope with adverse circumstances! Doing something most people manage isn’t heroism.

What’s the exception with you, that you believe that, whilst everybody else can, you wouldn’t or couldn’t?

Tina

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Callum, the one thing you are NOT is a stoic because the fundamental tenet of Stoic philosophy was a need for LOGIC in all things. Logic, reflection, and concentration were the methods of such self-discipline.

You are NOT being logical and you are not reflecting (ie considering everything about a situation and understanding it). You are being obsessive and illogical - ignoring facts that are staring you in the face.

YOU ARE NOT EVEN BEING CONSISTENT IN THE SYMPTOMS YOU ARE DESCRIBING.

In this post you say …

Whereas, in your post to the PPMS board on 5th November - you know, the one where you were talking about euthanasia - you said …

OK. What is it then? I am sure that there are other discrepencies in what you are describing but I can’t be bothered trawling through your posts to pick them out. I don’t think that you are delibarately lying to wind us up or for some secret reason of your own but I do think that you are manipulating the facts to fit in with your theories.

People have given you loads of brilliant advice on here and they will continue to do so but you have really got to step away from the keyboard and stop reading - and not understanding - what you can find on Google.

Everyone is entitled to the occasional pity-party and, to be honest they can be very theraputic - but you are having a pity-carnival with marching bands and fireworks and we are getting a bit bored of hearing the same tune on repeat.

I know that I am being a beatch, but you really need to stop this. Go back to your GP AND LISTEN TO HIM - you have described him doing everything from diagnosing PPMS from the get-go to a spinal tumor. I very, very much doubt that he has done anything of the kind.

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Don’t sugar coat it !!! :wink: Can I borrow the carnival ??? Look at my float ???

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Boblatina,

I appreciate your point about Stoic logic, but I think you may have picked up a limited impression.

Any inconsistencies in my account are likely a result of how quickly and unpredictably things have changed. In the example of the ocular symptoms my doctor initially thought that I did indeed have them, and I was sent to an ophthalmologist who said otherwise and blamed my eye pain upon chronic dryness. It’s still not completely clear which it is, but I’m erring on the side of dryness as the pain has been inconsistent and drops do seem to help with it.

I would argue that I have been true to stoic logic with regards to my current situation, in that I have made my best effort to describe and seek impartial information about it, but perhaps you are correct in suggesting that my prognosis of the future is foundations mostly upon my fear. I am far from the perfect stoic in any case and I do not have illusions to the contrary, a true sage would regard health concerns as fundamentally indifferent to what is important in much the way that many of the people of this forum seem to do. Nevertheless it is something that has always been important to me, with the pursuit of virtue and compassion having long been my constant goal, and as I have lost so much of my identity already it is a part of myself that I am not willing to give up on.

I would say that many of you are better stoics than I will ever be in practise, but I have tried my very best to accept my fate here with dispassion. It’s simply very traumatic living in this limbo, as I’m sure you know. Only a few months ago I was healthy and active, it’s a huge shock to go from that to what I am now in so short a space of time, especially with no real support or acknowledgement from others around me (who are keen to deny the whole situation until a diagnosis is made). I am sure a good life with MS is very possible, I have read many inspiring stories attesting to that fact, but that is very far from what I have now.

I have gathered also that euthanasia is something of a taboo topic in society in general and thus I apologise if I offended anyone by discussing it. Sincerely, I have not encountered such a resistance before as most of my immediate friends would probably be best described as ‘pro-choice’ to quote a phrase (they are quite a liberal lot), I was quite surprised by the response.

As is stands I will call time on my ‘pity-parade’ as it were, and try my very best to endure without complaint in the good old fashioned British tradition. At the very least I would never dispute that I must have patience until the situation is fully clear, I can’t make any life decisions based upon inference or my own ‘medical’ predictions. Thank you for helping me get through until that time comes. I hope truly that you will be happier and healthier than I.

Callum,

You are clearly very distressed and for that I am sad. You have come here for support and info, which seems smart to me. I am very impressed by the care and patience that people here have shown.

You seem to have a rapid but negative (and polite) response to the advice offered.

Different parts of the brain (& mind) process info in different ways. We tend to build up a library of responses that become a bit automatic. If you can consciously choose to avoid the automated response and consider things with the more considered and executive part of the brain / mind you might start to break the habit and build more positive thoughts.

If any of that sounds interesting type “Mindsight” or “Dan Siegel” (sounds a bit American BS but worth a try) in to Google and see if you can’t develop a new approach.

As an example - this response is my second more considered reaction to your posts, my instantaneous response would get me banned.

All the best Mick

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