Hello there all,
My name is Callum Hurley, and I’m a 24 year old make who began having neurological problems about a month ago, and now seems to be developing Primary Progressive MS.
I am horribly scared and have read so many stories of people ending up incapable of moving any part of their body and becoming completely disabled. I am so very sorry for the suffering that MS has caused to anyone reading this, it is so unfair. I know nothing anyone can say will ever make a true difference but I wish there was anything I could do to eliminate it.
I have yet to see a neurologist to confirm nor have any MRIs performed. About a month ago I started having subtle balance and walking issues in my right leg, giving me an unusual gait, which I read is the classic onset of PPMS. I also developed a lot of twitches and what might be optic neuritis in my right eye (but no vision loss). I subsequently developed urinary issues also, and all of this within such a short period of time. As of the time of writing none of these symptoms has improved at all. I am to understand that this seems it imply a versions aggressive and poor prognosis?
Previously I’ve had numerous inflammatory style health problems (Rosacea, Psoriasis, Sinusitis) but have always tested negative for Lupus.
Please help, am I wrong to assume that this sounds very much like PPMS? What does this mean now, especially with my being so young? I have had a very good life thus far and have enjoyed my time immensely but I now find the concept of living in horrific disability to be keeping me awake every single night. I have deeply considered euthanasia before I lose myself to the disease, is this reasonable? How much time might I have? Could this be another less serious kind of MS as I am so young, it has only been 4 weeks but as most of my symptoms seem spinal in nature PPMS seems most likely. Is the progression of PPMS always so extreme?
I do not wish to live a life of pain and misery, can anybody advise? I am so alone and scared, this is like my very darkest nightmare has come to pass. Could this be anything else? I have completely lost my identity and feel practically as though I am already dead, I can do nothing but lay and worry and cry, I have barely slept or eaten for weeks. I think of all of the things that I still wanted to do in life, of all the places I still have not seen.
I understand and that this is simply the way of nature, with nobody to blame and no reason for it to happen. I have enjoyed my life immeasurably and I regret nothing, it has had great quality if not quantity, but I had hoped to live a little longer if possible. This seems so unbelievably cruel, so unspeakably tragic that I cannot find words for it, the feeling has left me catatonic.
Thank you for reading this, I hope beyond hope that peace and health will find you.