1. A man comes into the ER and yells . .
My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began
To take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - and I was in the wrong
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald ,
2… At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
Slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
’Big breaths,’ . . . I instructed.
’Yes, they used to be,’ . . . Replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
Husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
Reporting to the rest of the family that he had
Died of a 'massive internal fart. '
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient ’ s two week follow-up
Appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
Me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
One of his medications.
’Which one? ’ . … . I asked. 'The patch…
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running
Out of places to put it!'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair ,
Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
’Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up
On a man I asked . . . ’ So how’s your breakfast this morning? ’ 'It’s very
Good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,’ Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
A foil packet labeled ’ KY Jelly. '
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
When a young woman with purple hair styled
Into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
Of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
Entered . . . It was quickly determined that
The patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
Scheduled for immediate surgery… When she was completely disrobed on the
Operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . . ’ Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
Wrote a short note on the patient ’ s dressing,
Which said ’ Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn. '
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Baby’s First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the
Doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a
Little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
’Breast-fed,’ she replied…
Well, strip down to your waist, the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for
A while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.'
’I know,’ she said, I’m his Grandma, But I’m glad I came