Help! Am having one off those days where I am cross. Cross at the world cos of MS and a whole host of other things. Cant find a higher paid job cos am worried about the effects of MS and fatigue, but am struggling with the mortgage, cant move cos of all the changes in the financial industry. I fees like the whole world is ganging up on me and the cumulative effects are really affecting my mood and ability to cope.
Any ideas please?
Hello Elaine
Look what you can do to improve things. Can you move to a cheaper mortgage perhaps? don’t know much about interest only mortages but is that something that’s allowed for a short time until things improve for you?
Have you checked with citizens advice to see if you qualify for financial help…maybe worth a visist.
Sorry!! can’t think of anything else at the moment.
xx
A hospital psychologist explained to me that we all have a steady, constant, baseload level of stress in our lives - work, families, household etc - and we can think of that as a horizontal line on a graph.
If we draw a parallel line, a bit higher than the baseload stress line, we can think of that line as our ‘breaking point’. The space between the two lines is our stress ‘headroom’.
Overlaid on that we have the spikes of particular stress events - anything from threat of redundancy to MS dx to a cancelled train or a 20 minute wait on the phone to talk to the phone company. Some of those spikes peak in the space between the two lines. Those are the stressful events that we manage to deal with, even if it takes a lot out of us. But some of the spikes break through the ‘breaking point’ line, and that is when we start throwing things.
The thing about MS, she said to me, is that having MS boosts your base-load level of stress ALL THE TIME. So the space between those two parallel lines narrows, once you have MS. You just have less headroom. Stress spikes that you would have taken in your stride before suddenly start crashing through your ‘breaking point’ line, she said. So you get cross and start shouting or crying even over things that you know in your heart aren’t that big a deal, and you don’t know why, but remember those lines, she said, and then you’ll know why.
This was 15 years ago, but I still think of her often!
Alison
Hey Alison, what an interesting reply!
Guess we all live in that slightly above normal stress line eh?
Elaine, yeh I do get cross sometimes and I swear a lot! Dont seem to be able to cry for myself anymore.
All cried out…Alison Moyeh
But I can cry for others quite easily though.
Its just one big fat chuff when we have this burden to bear all the chuffin time, eh?
luv Pollx
Alison, that’s a really great way to look at things. Puts everything in some order if that makes sense?? Elaine, sorry to hear you’re feeling like that. I hope you feel brighter soon. Money worries really are horrid. Might be worth looking at options again when you are feeling a bit brighter? L x
I stretched my mortgage out for as long as possible to reduce the cost each month. Means I will pay it off in 26 years instead of 19 years but at least there is less pressure to earn more money.
I love the stress in MS description above. Mine was described as a stress bucket with similar info that MS increases your baseline level.
A colleague takes in students learning English at a language school in the city. Pays very well, provides breakfast and supper for them. Another has a trainee teacher as a lodger. Are either of these possible to increase your income?
Hope things improve.
You most likely know this already!
but just wanted to check in case you didn’t!
MS is classed as a critical illness and if you have ‘critical illness’ cover on your mortgage then there is a possibility that your mortgage could be paid off completely if you make a claim.
Teresa.x
Thanks guys - will ring he mortgage company n see if I can extend and will makean appointment with CAB.
Cheers!
Good luck Elaine. I hope they can help you Fingers and toes crossed Xx
Wow! Love your reply Alison. I’m thinking of drawing it on a piece of nice paper,using different colours for different stresses, (MS will be orange of course) & framing it for whole family to see. It may help all of us to be more tolerant and realistic.
Theresa
Hi Elaine, i wanted to reply to you as I really feel for you. Unfortunately I can’t relate or offer pearls of wisdom around the mortgage as I am in a different situation (as in I struggle with rent) but I feel like you at the moment in as much that sometimes it just all feels too friggin’ hard and when you try to help yourself like look for new jobs etc then your condition makes you scared to move on. It is rubbish and I just wanted you to know that as someone who is trying to be positive and live with ms, there are also days when I feel for god sake this sucks! Not sure if that helps but sometimes I like to just hear from people that I’m not alone and sometimes you can’t always feel positive and are allowed to feel sorry for yourself. Keep going though girl and some good advice here as always x