daughter's school should they know?

Hello again, Im quite new and normally post in the ppms bit, I’ve been quite ill for about 2 years but symptoms started about 4 years ago. My husband helps me mostly in the house but my young daughter who is 12 also helps an awful lot, and a lot of the time. She is in 2nd year at high school and my question is should I tell the high school what is going on? In case it impacts on her school work? I would strongly hope not but i don’t know what to do for the best? Any advice. Thanks. Polly xxx

Hi Little Red Having ms myself and also working in a school myself, I would recommend telling them. You only have to let the pastoral team know and they will then just be aware. I see both both sides of the coin. I am a teaching assistant and also have been trained to take children in groups and 1 to 1 for bereavement,anger management, self esteem etc. Sometimes our kids may just need to talk to someone outside of the family. My son is starting year 11 next week. He helps me so much and always is happy and says he’s fine. I know deep down he has off days and can offload at his school where he can have a break from home life. Hope this helps. Take care xxx


i agree with dottydoo

your daughter will get any help she needs from the school if they know her circumstances.

good luck to you both

carole x


Thank you,

it’s PPMS I’ve got and I need help with pretty much most things, and at 12 you know how emotional girls can get, and although we are very close, there are things she would see as burdening me with and I would be most upset if she was upset at school and they didn’t know.

My son is 17 and starting university so he’s going to get help there himself he’s quite capable at his age. And there is great support and glasgow Uni.

I will make a call into her pupil support teacher, as the schools have gone back here in Scotland.

Thank you so very much dotty do and Carole, I really appreciate this.

Polly xxx


Just one more point, Polly,

Tell your daughter that the school have been informed. That makes it clear that she is not being excluded. The last thing that you want is for some teacher to say something about you, and your daughter to be wondering “How did they find out?”.



Thanks Dr Geoff, we talked about it, at the weekend with no decision made just kind of in conversation and although she seemed upset she agreed that the school should know because she’ does wear her heart on her sleave.

Foing to make an appointment with the school, once I’ve spoken to her this afternoon after school, thank you all so much.

Polly xxx

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Difficult one, once the genie is out of the bottle it can’t be put back.

If your m.s. is impacting on her shool work then the school should be told, if not then I wouldn’t tell the school.

It could be that for your daughter school is a welcome ‘m.s. free zone’ in which case the school doesn’t need to be told.

Why not let your daughter decide – she will be able to find her own way to the school councellors.


Hi again Is your daughter registered as a young carer? If not this may also be something that could benefit her. If she is helping you more than you would expect a child of her age to do then she can be registered. She would then be able to go to weekly meet ups as a club in the week and on a weekend. They do days out and a yearly residential alk with other children in the same situation. Just a thought. Take care xxx


I agree with the advice to tell the school. I work in admin at a high school and all too often parents only tell us what is happening at home when things come to a head and have already impacted on school life and home life. I’m sure your daughter is fine but it may be a help to her just to know that if she is having a down day or is feeling a bit tired, there is someone that understands why and she can offload in full confidence. Sometimes it’s just good to talk things through and we don’t need any answers, we just need someone to listen.

I had to tell my son’s Head of Year when I was being diagnosed because he was in Year 10 and his emotions were all over the place. I just needed school to be aware as he was angry one minute and in tears the next which was not like him at all. I didn’t want him to get in trouble if he showed signs of aggression at school when they didn’t know the stress he was under when I was admitted to hospital again.

Your daughter sounds very mature so hopefully she will take everything in her stride. Sometimes it can be hard for them though when they think their life is different to their friends. What they don’t realise is that sometimes their friends’ lives out of school aren’t so perfect either …

Take care

Tracey xx


Thank y all for your comments, I have taken them all on board, but knowing my daughter and knowing the school as my son has been right through and has now left the school for Uni I have informed the pupil support, just so that she knows she can go and speak to her without explaining everything from the beginning.

My son works and starts Uni and starts Uni in a few weeks, he’s never been able to cope with my illness, but my daughters does an awful lot in the house for me, both in the morning and when she gets home, not only can what she is doing with time but I also worry that she perhaps goes to school upset if I am really poorly.

It is PPMS I have and I am quite ill with it, I don’t get remission it’s just at this level, and I want her to know that her pupil support teacher is someone she can go to if she’s feeling upset, angry or sad.

We have just registered her as a young carer with her understanding of what it means, thank you all so much.

Polly xxx