Apologies in advance for such a miserable post.
I’ve always been the one making people laugh both in home life and at school where I work, using humour as a coping mechanism. I think it stems from being bullied quite severely at school. Always used the logic that if I make people laugh they will enjoy my company and leave me alone! Well I can’t do it anymore, I’m angry a lot for no reason and my confidence has taken a nose dive. None of this is heped by the bullying where I work
I know this stupid illness is known for making sufferers have low mood, but am really struggling at the moment. Am taking citalopram and have been for almost a year don’t thik it can be working because I’m so miserable.
I’ve got brilliant support from ms team and know from reading posts on here that I am extremely lucky. I also have a wonderful family who do a hell of a lot for me.
So I really shouldn’t be complaining I know that there are others a hell of a lot worse off than me, but am hating myself at the moment and can’t find a way out of all this negativity I am feeling.
Thanks for reading and apologies again for such a depressing post.
Hello hun. Please never apologise for needing a rant or to vent.
I have heard that citalopram can make people worse and have black toughts.
As you have been on it so long, I think a visit to your GP woud be advisable, eh?
pollx
Hi Anon - I too am in a really bad place at the moment and struggling - work stress and MS. One thing that I regularly do and is a lifeline for me is to phone the Samaritans - totally confidential. No I am definitely not suicidal BUT they are just great at listening to me vent and rage - it is just so good to talk to someone to get all of my emotions off my chest. I always feel so much better afterwards. Doesn’t solve the problem but at least I’ve had the opportunity to talk about it. Hugs Min xx
Hello anon what’s happening at work to sort out the bullying? Citalopram may not be working for you. It’s not a magic pill though anon, problems will still occur in life and have to be sorted. Is it the work situation, that’s causing you the main problem? If its more than just work, then see your gp like poll suggests. Cognitive behavior therapy could be an idea. Good luck xx
hi anon,
i’m sorry that you’re feeling so down at the moment, having bullying on top of work and ms, i’m sure we can all understand your need to get it off your chest, and this is the ideal forum to do it. while i’ve also sought my gp’s help with depression, i’m on different meds to you (nortriptyline) which works for me, a family member of mine took citalopram at a difficult time in her life, she steadily upped the amount she took, as instructed, until she found the dosage that worked for her. at a later time her gp upped the dosage, as necessary. it might be that you would find a higher dosage of citalopram, or change of antidepressant more helpful. perhaps your gp could organise some counselling for you, i found it really helpful in the earliest stages after my ms dx.
you say that you ‘shouldn’t be complaining’, you have every right to complain, just because others might be dealing with their own sometimes terrible problems , it’s doesn’t negate what you’re feeling, i really do think that it helps everyone sometimes and we can all, always find someone here who can empathise.
take care,
wendy xx
Thanks for your replies, I’m not usually so down but feel like I’ve got permanent pmt! I feel that I’m coping really well with the ms side of things, but the work issue is overshadowing everything. It is being investigated but i don’t think it will ever stop because she is so bl**dy clever, and such a good actress. Ironically it’s the Easter holidays so I’m not even having to see her!
I’ve started to see a stress councillor so will have the opportunity to talk about it. I’m definately not suicidal I have my beautiful family. I think I may need to go and see my gp as you suggest he’s also very supportive. Everyone around me is so positive I’m the weakest link at the moment, think I’ve lost my mojo somewhere along the way!
xxx
I hate bullies, they have a knack of knowing who to pick on. Is it words she’s using, when no one is around? Are you strong enough to calmly look her in the eyes and ask her what her problem is? Ask her if she’s not happy…try and turn the tables. It’s just a thought. Or just ignore her and put pressure on your manager to sort it. ((((((hugs))))))
Hi Blossom
it used to be just words all aimed at the fact I’ve got ms. After I reported her the behaviour changed and became more physical. She’s barged past me and kicked my stick as she walked past. She’s an opportunist taking any opportunity when we walk past each other, and always when there is no one else around.
Have asked her in the past why she is doing this and she justs laughs and says “because I can!” I know it’s pathetic of me but I am so intimidated by her. My boss is extremely supportive and we are going through the correct procedure as per our policies. The biggest thing I’m dreading is that the next stage is for us all to be in the same room, because I’m so afraid of her and she is such a good actress I’ll probably sit there looking guilty and she’ll look like I’m harrassing her!
Thanks for the hugs appreciate it.
xxx
Try not to be afraid of her…I feel so angry for you. Is there any way, you can record any verbal interaction with her. When you have that group meeting, hold your head high. You know your telling the truth, so don’t waste the opportunity to prove it…that’s what she would like. Be brave 
xx
Hi Blossom
thanks for your support it means a lot. Everone around me is so supportive and positive hopefully some of it will rub off on me, and I can go into the meeting with my head up. Don’t thik I’ll have the ba**s to though. Can feel myself mentally shrinking just at the thought of it, and the worst thing is I don’t know when it’s going to be held. She went off sick when the original was due to be held and didn’t come back to work until two days before Easter hols began!
I never used to be this pathetic and weak, seeing stress councillor nxt week hopefully she can give me some stategy’s for coping with it all.
xxx
Hello anon
I hope the counsellor will be able to give you some good coping strategies.
Will there be someone in the meeting supporting you? union representative?
I wish you could see, that you really shouldn’t be scared of this woman…she is the weak one. Think about it anon. It’s a weak troubled person, who sets out to make another person unhappy.
You are by far, the stronger person. Feeling upset by her behaviour is not you being pathetic or weak…you are simply a caring individual, who is hurt by her bullying.
Just be yourself and stay positive.
xx
Hi I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a bad time. I can absolutely empathise. I have a long history of depression but its been worse since I was diagnosed. I have been on Citalopram for several years and it suits me but its not for everyone. Might be worth trying an alternative? If you’re on any other medication it might also be worth discussing wth your GP or MS nurse just to check whether any of it could be aggravating your depression. Counselling can be a huge help, so I really hope that’s good for you I know it all seems pretty black right now but just keep telling yourself “This too shall pass…”, (I actually have it tattooed on the inside of my wrist as its pretty much my mantra ;)) Kaz xxx
hi again anon,
i didn’t realise just how bad a situation you were dealing with at work when i posted before. it’s appalling that this person should imagine that this kind of behaviour could EVER be justifiable. you mention that your boss is being very supportive, might he/she be able to attend any meeting you have about the bullying? i’ve worked for a couple of organisations that allowed a coleague to attend with you. it might be an idea to write down what’s going on, to take to the meeting. if you have a statement written up, you can be sure to mention everything that’s been going on and if you happen to get upset, then the people holding the meeting will have something to read about your experiences. have you told anyone that it’s become physical? it’s really worrying that your stick’s getting kicked out from under you. i agree with a previous suggestion that it would be a good idea to record any incidents, as they happen, so you can refer back to them. you don’t say if you’re in a union, it might be useful to join one so that you can have their support, it could be that your employer will take your situation more seriously and act more quickly if you’re backed by a union?!
i feel terrible for you, you’re very definately NOT being in any way weak or pathetic. what you’re feeling is a reflexion of the fact that YOU are a decent person who is quite justifiably shocked and bewildered by such horrible behaviour. i hope that your counselling meeting gives you some good ideas about coping with your situation.
take care.
wendy xx
Hi All
My boss is really supportive but has to stay neutral he has no say in the outcome. (Which I think is ridiculous!) It’s gone to school governor appeal committee and human resources from the local authority.
I do have a union rep but he says he’s never been in this situation before so I’m not holding my breath that he will be much help.
I’ve kept a written account of everything she’s said and done. I’ve got two written witness statements. There is a witness who saw her barge into me but due to her own circumstances won’t get involved, and neither of the people who wrote their statements is willing to come into the meeting and speak up. (Can’t blame them I don’t want to be there myself!)
I phoned the ms society who put me in touch with the Disabled Law Service the lovely lady I spoke to said in her professional opinion I’ve got a really strong case.
I guess I’m just feeling extremely frustrated that there is all this evidence and witnesses, but in the first grievance meeting the governors considered there was insufficient evidence to uphold my complaint. if the same is agreed again it will go to mediation and I don’t see how that will work because she is denying everything. I don’t think it will ever stop because she knows she can get away with it.
Hate the word depression have used low mood before instead of it, but if I’m totally truthful with myself it sums up perfectly well how I’m feeling.
I hope your case is successful. It certainly should be! I’m vvery sorry more people aren’t standing beside you to fight this. Good luck with everything xxxx
Stay strong anon…she’s the weak one. Don’t let her win. ((((((hugs)))))) Noreen xx
Oh Anon
This sounds awful for you.
Just want to echo what has been said above.
Try not to let her see that she is troubling you. Try your best to show that she is not having the impact she is expecting from you. Don’t give her the satisfaction of thinking she has upset you. I know this is not easy but I was in a similar situation a few years ago (not as bad as what you are suffering). I decided to to pretend that I was very happy and even took to humming a little tune while around her. It was so difficult mind you. She left in the end thank goodness otherwise I think I would have left. It made it worse as everybody else really liked her and didn’t see how horrible she was being to me.
I hope the group meeting goes well and remember we are all here for you.
((((Hugs))))
Shazzie xx
hi again,
you could go back to the woman at the disabled law service, get her name and ask if you can quote her opinion of your circumstances. i’m guessing that she’ll be happy for you to do so, i’d aske her if she can register your situation in some way, as a record. if you’re at the next meeting and start telling them just WHO you’re taking advice from, and what they’ve said i’d guess that the term ‘disabled law service’ would bring them up short, as it bl00dy well should! i HATE bullies, and to bully someone who’s dealing with something like MS is just terrible.
i’m so glad you’ve kept a record. well done. i wish i could give you a hug though, keep on talking, to family, your counsellor, your boss and us, of course. take care.
wendy xx
This bully seems to have got everyone in her pocket and seems to be untouchable. Not only is she bullying you but she seems to be subtly bullying everyone around her. Why hasn’t your boss, the governors, your union rounded up on her - is someone protecting her?
The bottom line is you have to stop letting yourself be a victim, however much support you have from family, friends, colleagues you have to fight back.
So what do you do? As someone with a diability you have protection in law. Go to a solicitor specialising in employment law and ask his/her advice - you are being discriminated against. Ask the solicitor to send a letter to the governors outlining your concerns and put them within the Disability Discrimination Act framework. It may be worth pointing out to the Head that you may have to resign and that would raise the issue of constructive dismissal - solicitor would advise here. It will cost but worth it.
Until you fight back it wont get any better.
Hi All
After speaking to the Disabled Law Service I was advised to ammend my appeal letter and the solicitor basically dictated what I was to write. Unfortunately the bi**h who is making my life so miserable went on the sick the day the meeting was to be held, so I don’t know how the letter will be percieved by the committee.
One of the things she told me to write was because the chair of governors has said twice that I could lose my job if I pursue this matter, that he is very wrong. I am protected from dismissal on two counts firstly by my length of service, (over 10 years) and also by the equality act 2010. Everything I have sounds really positive on paper but I don’t feel so positive it will go my way.
Thank you all for your replies they are going a long way from stopping me lose my sanity. And I apologise for posting such miserable negative things when I am sure you all have your own issues and problems to endure. My problems are really trivial in the grand scheme of things maybe I just need a kick up the backside!
Thanks all xxx