Rofl
Too, bloddy, right!
ROFD
whippet beating is much more serious than Unicorn Googling
I think someone’s already rolled the malt whisky somewhere you could reach it!!
Who decides? Unicorn Police or the Whippet Constabulary?
Scoobeydoo might be interested, provided there will be snacks
Mick
I believe they would be referred to the Mythical Beasts Prosecution Service (MBPS) who could then refer cases to the Queen of Hearts Court for minor offences or the Court of the Underworld for more serious offences. Obviously there’s always the DSPA for small infringements. Such as Whippet baiting (eg Sock Rolling Without Adequate Reward offences). But Ferret crimes will always be dealt with more severely. They would be classed as Hate Crimes or Crimes against Ferretamity. And be subject to the harshest punishment (eg hanging, drawing and quartering).
Sue (IOD Legal Division)
Oh legal eagle, hanging, drawing and quartering is the very best way to treat Unicorn cheese, especially the type with a silver lining
Parole officer (IOD) Mick
Good to know. I’m glad you’re the Head Cheesewrangler as well as being a top Parole Officer Mick.
Sue,
whilst cheese is its own reward I am not sure I want to be a parole officer in the current climate.
…think I might resign
(a skill I should pass on to certain politicians)
M
You are probably right, and Parole Officer might be a hell of a job on the Island. Let’s not forget there’s a prison there and you might have had a rough time of things. I suggest we contract out all the Prison and Parole / Probation Services. To be honest, they’re probably already contracted out. Many public services are. So we should also probably contract out the Contracts Office of all relevant public services. No point in spoiling a perfectly good invasion with difficult work issues.
So yes, resignation is a perfectly sensible plan. Strange that, coming up with a sensible suggestion! That’s a first for the Invasion Committee.
Sue
And that is one of the fastest self-appointment to resignations I’ve ever encountered.
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we will be calling for volunteers next…
M
I only went into the kitchen for an hour. After I’d chopped up some onions I come back in here with a cup of tea and the crossword to find all hell has broken loose. We’ve now got a Lord Chief Justice and a Commissioner of Police plotting a link up with the Underworld (which is foul slur on Ventnor) and then the top Plod resigns after twenty minutes, leaving the entire invasion committee contracted out to G4S and Capita. IDTS (I don’t think so). Now get back to your colour supplements and don’t come back out until I say so. A.D. (Absolutely Distraught)
Oooooh, well there’s a first. The General issuing commands. Maybe Mick and I will run amok again and subcontract health services to Atos or someone equally well qualified. Then maybe AD will PULL HIS FINGER OUT and do some thinking and some work towards the invasion. Otherwise we’ll let all sorts run the Island. Heheh!
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Atos? atos you say… wash your mouth out, more like A toss
however I do like the idea of colour supplements and running amok
Mick your obedient servant (all of you)
I’m really having trouble keeping up with you lot. I thought being Sunday it would be a nice lazy day, y’know … slow and uneventful. Over to son’s house for lunch as in Mum, can you and Dad come over and help us use up the leftovers (we have our uses obviously) refereeing our little dog v their 4 cats and after leisurely chat and chocolates home again to veg out and do battle with candy crush saga game I am stuck on #1309 (you can tell I am an insomniac) walk the dog, feed the hedgehogs and flop in front of the television. Then I think I will look in here … hmm mm no comment.
I’ve sussed out that there is an element among you who are not entirely behind me and the invasion plans so I’ll be taking a much tougher stance on dissent this year. I have already given up four New Year’s resolutions already. Sacrificed to the greater good of vanity publishing, consumerism and public relations. In other words, look out for my new book coming out in time for next Christmas. Any ideas for the dust jacket would be gratefully received. And if §ue suggests “more dust” I wouldn’t be at all surprised. AD
Just park the manuscript with all the other random jottings you’ve come up with over the last 70 or so years (I assume you are by now aged at least 98) and I’m sure it will gather sufficient dust. No need for me to suggest anything.
And as you well know, I am 100% behind you when the bullets start flying Mr Durer Sir.
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Have you considered recycling cereal packet? For the dust free element they could be laminated ?