She’s currently the assistant sub-editor of Lesbos magazine, which tells you which side she’s batting for. Alice has agreed to be the agony aunt for Durer Island as she’s had a lot of experience trying to sort out her own problems.
Putting personal issues aside she’ll be doing a TV spot (Durer TV, didn’t I mention that?) in the morning talking about her drink problem and in the afternoon, beauty hints and tips, if her hands are steady enough.
I think you’ll like Alice. She’s very friendly, smells of damp and has an unusual gait. Instantly recognisable in any shopping complex by her rainbow dyed hair and appalling dress sense she is continuously monitored by CCTV and security guards.
There will be a local radio, of course, and Acacia will present a regular feature on kleptomania starting with rip-offs of show like Scrapheap Challenge, Mrs Merton and Pointless.
So, if you have anything you’d like to share with 139,000 other people and want to be humiliated in public then please drop us a line to Acacia Durer at the usual address and we’ll get you sorted out.
Abigail, Alice, Acacia? Are they triplets? Or are they going to share the nominated role so as not to become over burdened with the responsibility, and that’s just for being your sister.
I am glad to see a fine bouquet are still the order of the day, very cheery. It’s a shame that any change of avatar is applied to all comments even retrospectively. I’d quite like the picture of the day to be applied to separate posts so we can see the history in pictures…me? Saddo? Don’t think so.
Slug - l think they are Quads - Abigail. Alice and Acacia + brother Anthony. OR is is just a split personality problem - a fourways split. Could explain the multiple facets of his imagination. Now we shall have to work out which one is ‘posting’. ls it the kleptomaniac - with a drink problem - shaky hands - rainbow hair. [that is a lesson to all of us - do not attempt to touch-up your re-growth whilst imbibing of a few shots.]
hope youve all seen my comment re Sues recovery and asking for names for her 2 bags.
In my return text to her, I said to tell her chatty next bed patient, she feels drained and has to sleep. Drained most appropriate but not intended…predictive was responsible, but how apt!
by Albrecht Durer (plagiarised from a photocopy of a photocopy from a notice-board at work.)
The inhabitants of the ancient Egypt were called mummies and they lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is so dry that the inhabitants had to live somewhere else, so some areas of the dessert were made fruitful by irritation.
The Egyptians built pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular square. The Pyramids were named after a range of mountains between France and Spain, where they got the stone from.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, Adam and Eve were created from an apple. One of their children once asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, sole his brother’s birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch two brought his twelve sons up to be patriarchs but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any of the ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up Mt Cyanide to get ten tablets. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. One of David’s sons had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
Morning, been away in more than one sense. I didn’t even know about the tower for a day. Went to Skipsea (only had to pee in two fields during the journey), which is disappearing slowly onto the beach. It is a beautiful part of the coastline and I went in the sea with my stick. I even lay down and got flapped about by the waves, it was very refreshing and the sea was clear, blue and amazing. Then to Fraisthorpe just up the road where the swallows or something were swooping in and out of the sandbanks next to the sea. Mr Moo’s ice cream parlour made me a bit fatter and the sun came out and we all looked like we had been to the Mediterranean by Friday. So, the most wonderful thing was during this terrible week of sadness, people, families, toddlers, people of all languages, playing on the sand, enjoying the free fresh air and sea, getting buckets and spades out (we had to borrow a ladle from the caravan), Mommy duck got used to the baby’s crumbs under the patio on the caravan and brought six ducklings on the last day, standing there waiting for food with all of her her brood. She just stood there quacking waiting. The moorhen popped over in the mornings to enjoy the birdfood that I had taken and the baby had poured about two hundred weight of the stuff over her feet and onto the floor. I was still sweeping it up on Friday. i drove through Beverly which has a road through it on green, pasture land which is private. It is a bit odd, you come sweeping in off the road, over a cattle grid, you are in Beverly itself but it looks like you could be out in Wales or on the moor with cows around grazing.
So I have enjoyed family, the seaside, eating with others, playing with my granddaughter (You’re not giving her tea are you Mum?’ er no of course not as we sip our tiny cups of tea out of little plastic cups and saucers outside on a table four inches high. ‘Who is that madwoman in the sea?’ I hear my daughter shout ‘Nanny’ shouts the baby.
Back to hospital appointments now and recovering from the trip. I feel like I really have had a breath of fresh air, today I feel about a hundred but I will rest till it goes away. Then phone the Doctors!!
Sun slap needed today people, I can feel my toes which means it must be over 70 degrees.
On the subject of tea, you know your brain is fogged when you have trouble doing something as simple as making a pot of tea. The process went something like this: Fill kettle and forget to switch it on. Get teabags out of the caddy. Realise that the kettle isn’t on Switch on the kettle. Take the tea caddy out of the cupboard. Remember that you already got the teabags. Put the caddy back. Realise that what you wanted from the cupboard was hubby’s sweeteners. Open the cupboard again and get sweeteners. Put milk in cups, plus sweetener as required. Kettle almost boiling, so warm the pot. Put teabags in pot. Kettle boils and switches off. Look for the teabags and wonder what the heck you’ve done with them. Remember that they’re already in the pot. Pour boiling water into pot and retreat to a cool room, wondering if it was worth it.
They’re not allowed to show full frontal male nudity on screen, be it TV or film, unless they want an automatic XXX rating. Full frontal female nudity is fine as long as it’s post watershed. The pilot episode of Stargate SG-1 had female nudity that’s only seen on the DVD, giving the disc the only 18 rating of the entire series (over 200 episodes). The people making the series didn’t want it because it adds nothing to the story, but the commissioning channel insisted. But that’s the double standards of the media industry for you.
I didn’t see the programme about the Real Full Monty. Hubby did and said it was very good. I find it hard to imagine Alexander Armstrong stripping off, and the idea of Dominic Littlewood starkers doesn’t bear thinking about.
What the F!!! Is that a ball sock?! or should it be used on a teapot? Someone got bored whilst knitting it, they didn’t finish it, casted off a bit too soon methinks, oooooh & the chaffing, nasty! xx
Ooooo that’s you on report cheerful !! Tracey me and you must be in the good books … to make sure we stay there I won’t mention the fact I’d want to be able to double it as a knitted scarf xx
