Argument with neighbour now i feel so ill

I,ve just had one of our neighbours banging on our door and he was really horrible to me and my husband.Its seems so silly a thing to argue over but its really upset me and now my whole body is trembling my legs have waves of pain my hands have gone numb and my head is throbbing.The problem with our neighbour is the trees in our garden.We have three rather large sycamores in the garden which are only about 15 feet from the house.There is no light getting into the house and the roots are lifting up the we decided they need to come down ,also we were worrried if they were blown down they would either up on the house or in the road and possibly injure or even kill some one.anyway the tree people started yesterday to take them down, one neighbour complained to use that it would spoil their view ,then they said theres a preservation order on them there isn,t.our other neighbour was happy to see them go until today when part of a branch hit part of his privet hedge about 12 inches all hell has broke loose and he,s ranted at us threatening legal action.oh and he also said his car had been damaged then when asked where he had to admit it hadn,t.i feel absolutely terrible and we,ve had to stop the work as i can,t take the stress from him.i dare not go outside incase i see them.

Any sort of confrontation can give you the shakes - its the flight or fight response kicking in.

You may need to have a word with a solicitor about your neighbours suggestion that you have damaged his car. You don’t want it coming back to bite you. Hopefully you had a witness to prove he had to retract his statement. As long as they are your trees and there is not a court order to preserve them then tell them to go **** themselves. As for the view spoiling - well you don’t have a view at all by the sounds of things - good or bad. So they can go ‘stuff’ themselves too.

Also maybe have a word with Citizens Advice Bureau (cause I might be completely wrong) who might be able to tell you where you stand. But to threaten court over a 12 inch oops on a hedge is a sign of a man too full of his own importance. You could always countersue for emotional distress . I get so annoyed at people who think the world should inconvenience itself for their wishes.

I hope you feel better soon hun. Take it easy and try to not let them get to you.

JBK xx

Oh this is chuffin` rediculous!

I take it you checked to find out of there is a preservation order on the trees…there isn`t. Fine.

Tree roots can do a helluva lot of damge to nearby paths and houses, so you were right to want them lopping.

If your neighbour`s behavaviour is threatening in any way, you would be wise to ring the police.

Perhaps if you had informed your neighbour of your intentions to remove the trees, you might have avoided this altercation.

An English man`s home etc.isnt always that straightforward, eh?

Hope you`ve calmed down now hun.


How upsetting for you. Your neighbour is over reacting. If you have employed qualified people to do the work then if there is any problem with so called damage then the neighbour needs to claim against the firm’s insurance and it is their responsibility to sort it not yours. Your neighbour is probably having a bad day but it is no excuse for his behaviour and hopefully once he calms down he will apologise. If you have some rescue remedy it can help calm you otherwise may I suggest the good old british remedy of a cup of tea and a biscuit. hope the situation settles down soon. Chin up.

Trees in close proximity to your house - do mean the roots are going to get under foundations - and also can be more problematic in cracking drains causing a lot of trouble and expense. We all love to see trees - but in the wrong place - and the wrong size they are dangerous. The tree surgeons working for you will have to have insurance anyway - so if any damage is caused they are liable.

With sycamores - and ash trees - the seed cones that fall this time of year make such a mess and will self-seed where ever they land. So let the tree surgeons just get on with it - ok - a bit of a mess to begin with - but they will clear it all up and it will soon look as if the trees were never there. They will chip up all the small branches/leaves/bark and log the bigger trunk/branches. lf you have a open fire or wood-burner - then hang onto the timber. Once dried out it can be burnt - this does take about a year at least.

Just switch off - don’t get upset. Some folk just want to make trouble. Rise above it. l bet the tree workers come across this agro all the time. Occupational hazard.

Get some advice as to what you could plant in their place. Something evergreen - non evasive and restricted height. Your neighbours privet will survive - not much can harm them. They grow very well in the most polluted of inner cities. lt has been proven that a tree will absorb pollution and make the air in and around your house much cleaner. So do put something smaller and slow growing in its place.

Let us know how you are getting on. Keep Calm and Carry on Chopping!!!

You poor thing. Try not to let them get to you. I know that is hard. I had neighbour probs for 2yrs til they moved so I know how you feel.

Listen to some nice soothing music and have a cuppa and a slice of cake.

You have done nothing wrong. Remember that and yes, call the police if you feel threatened by the pilluck!!

Shazzie xx

Oh this is so stressful for you, don’t they see that you’ve actually done them a favour as the roots would have probably spread to their gardens, driveways and houses if left unchecked. As for the privet hedge, that’s ridiculous, they are very tough, nothing would have harmed them. I have had the electricity board chopping down some big branches off one of my trees today as they were laying on the cable. A huge branch about 5ft long fell on to one of my rose bushes which is only a year old and it didn’t even damage it so a tiddly little branch will certainly not damage a privet hedge. Your neighbours sound as if they’re just throwing their toys out of the pram. Like Poll says, if there is no preservation order on the trees and they are taken down professionally then you’ve got nothing to worry about.


i had similar trouble from a neighbour a couple of years ago.

she had just moved into the private rented house next door to me and because we dont have a back yard i went to introduce myself.

she was so pleasant and thanked me for the introduction.

then 2 weeks later she came banging on my front door at midnight, screaming like a banshee.

i opened the door to say “whats up lisa?” and she lunged towards me - i slammed the door shut and locked it.

then she started banging on the window and screaming “i’ll put your F***ing windows in”

my eldest son came downstairs and wound her up even more because she said “i pay my rent to live here, do you pay your rent?” my son said “no. we own our house”

i was shaking so bad i couldnt walk upstairs. then we heard her shouting at her 18 year old daughter, who was a really nice girl, saying things like “you little c**t”.

anyway we found out later that she had a drink problem and fortunately she moved away.

so what i’m trying to say, albeit in a long winded way, is to calm yourself down (it might take a few days) then take the advice already given re CAB.

some people are nightmares, some people are nice. you know which one you are.

carole x

They are your trees, on your property, being removed by professionals for valid reasons. Don’t let your grumpy neighbours get you down. As others have said, the tree surgeons will be insured. Don’t think a hedge scrape is worth much though! I would advise you to write everything down while it’s fresh, particularly his lie about car damage. Should help get it out of your system - these things take on the air of the ridiculous when in black and white - and may be useful ‘just in case’. Mention the issue to the tree surgeons - perhaps they can advise neighbour to move car before work resumes. Make sure work does start again - bullies are essentially cowards remember. Take care - chin up! xx

Poor you, the trees are on your property, you are having them removed, nothing to do with your neighbor. If any damage has occurred tell them to discuss it with the people doing the work. It is nothing to do with you. The tree surgeons may be used to this type of thing and may be well up to handling it. I wouldn’t mention it to your neighbors again tbh. Last year, we were getting an extension built, my neighbour had issues with my builders, nothing major and the builders dealt with her. I never talked to her about it. She got fed up after a while. Cheryl:-)

Any tree over (I think) 4 inches diameter needs council approval even for trimming - let alone removal. If there is a dangerous element, action can be taken to remove the danger.
The tree surgeons should have got this approval before starting work - so complaints should go to them.
You, OTOH are protecting your property - you could try asking your neighbour for an indemnity against any damage caused if they remain.

Otherwise, as has already been said, the tree surgeons should carry public liability insurance.


How are you feeling today anon?

Shazzie xx

Oh no, I hate it when neighbours are so rotten and frankly unreasonable. I can only echo what’s been said already, you’re doing something responsible in terms of protecting your property and anyone’s water/drainage that could be affected.

I’m not surprised you’re shaken tho hugs

I hope you get the right support and it’s easy to say ignore them BUT if you can’t, find yourself a nice distraction at least! Don’t let your horrid neighbours wreck your weekend

Sonia x

today i have kept myself hidden in my house so i wouldn,t see our neighbour.i have begged my husband to ring the tree surgeon to stop the work which bless he did.the tree people were really nice about it and said that they can,t understand how a person could be so cruel to someone whose just trying to protect their left leg has now gone totally dead and both my hands are dead plus my hands are husband is furious about the state i,m in .when my sons found they wanted to go and speak to the neighbour but i asked them not to ,they knew that i would just get more upset so they didn,t.i,ve talked with my husband and we are going to look into moving it will be a wrench after 37 years here but i don,t feel safe here anymore.thankyou all for your kind words xxx

Hi Anon,

There is a little adage that you should never make decisions when you have one foot in the air. (ie off balance and upset)

I think you definitely have one foot in the air and should shelve any decision about moving until you have regained your equilibrium. I understand all too well how you feel – I hate confrontations and would react just like you

There is one thing to consider. Many people are not able to be assertive without getting aggressive. When I was a teacher I was often confronted by aggressive parents but a very wise head told me that they probably had to whip themselves up before they even came into school let alone face a disagreement with their child’s teacher. Imagine how differently things would have gone if your neighbour had said “I want to discuss these trees coming down– I have some issues” but he probably couldn’t do that. The only way he could cope was with aggression and bluster. This is especially true if he has been OK in the past. I know it doesn’t feel like it but this will pass. Please don’t move just because your neighbours are blowhards.


Jane is right and they would probably be beyond guilt if they knew what they’d done to you.

Yes, please don’t rush to move, you shouldn’t have to.

Take care, hopefully you will feel more positive soon and call the tree surgeon back.

Sonia x

Hi I’m so sorry your going through this, I am also going through much the same. We have lived in our bungalow for six years and love it here, a my neighbour moved in two years ago, and at first she was ok. She then started asking to borrow money of course I said no , then things changed , she is friends with a lady across the road ( who like her isn’t a nice person ) My hubby goes to work at 7.30 am and returns at 5.45 so they know I’m on my own all day and they know I’m unable to get out on my own. Then the name calling started ( spaky bitch mongie bitch ) to name a few, I am now in contact with a lady from victims support and the police as they say it’s a hate crime, they want to go and see both neighbours and make it official, but I just think it will make matters worse. Of course my hubby is worried , and hates going to work. I like you shut myself in each day, and yes I feel vulnerable , We live in. Semi rural area so I don’t see many people as I can’t drive any longer, m.y daughter used to come over twice a week but has just been diagnosed with epilepsy , so has lost her licence for a year, t,he lady from the local MS society came out a few times but as I’m not near the meeting group I don’t see anyone else. We have also thought of moving, but we put all our savings into our home, so I’m not sure what to do . It’s playing havoc with my M S, If you want to pm me please do so . It’s not as thought these neighbours are teenagers , both of them are in their sixty s and you would think they would know better, but unfortunately they don’t . Take care Margaret

Oh Margaret, that is horrible, I just don’t know why people have to be so nasty :frowning:

My heart goes out to you too, it makes me ashamed to be human whan I hear about people like this!

Sonia x hugs to both Anon & Margaret

It seems as if age isn’t a factor with bullies, once a bully always a bully. I’m also a great believer in Karma and Margarets bullies will get their just desserts in one way or another. Anon, your neighbours are ridiculous. The neighbour complaining about the view does not have any right to a view (nobody has a right to a view ) so he’s just being childish. The other one is clearly a liar, probably trying to claim compo for the " damage" to his car and then realising that that little lie is going to get him nowhere. I think it’s disgusting that either of you have to consider moving because of bullying, petulant behaviour from others. How DARE they.