I was just wondering, i’m undiagnosed at the moment, but the thought of being diagnosed with ms & when the diagnosis will come etc has totally take over my life…
All the little things in life that i use to think of, e.g what shoes to buy, what hair cut & colour to have, what make-up to try, what sexy underware to buy for my boyfriend has all gone.
To me all of those things seem so trivial now compared to what my life my end up being like and when and how and to what extent etc.
I am on anti depressants which have helped but i want to be able to think and stress about the older thing again and i want to feel like there still important.
Has this changed for any of you? Or have you still been able to do and think of these things as well.
I want to be able to be a girly girl again and worry or even think about these nice things but i can’t.
oh yes! i’ve been diagnosed for nearly 3 months now and to combat it my retail therapy has gone into overdrive yes, to reassure you, although ms is with me every single day, all the normal things still apply. you just need to make a conscious decision not to let it take over. i admit that it’s really hard at first and still have my teary days, but, life still goes on as they say, and if you take control of it you can still buy those sexy pants!
I do not think it’s a positive thing to be worrying or stressing about lipstick, underwear, or hair-colour - but if you mean it in a slightly different way of “Can I still take an interest?”, then yes, of course! I still buy and do these things. I changed hair colour only last week : Uh-oh, not as subtle as I’d hoped at first, but learning to live with it, now it’s calmed down after a couple of washes.
Even if you ARE diagnosed, you will still buy lipstick, or drink wine, or wear sexy underwear - if you still want to, and if you did those things before.
I think serious illness does put things into perspective: you might notice some of the things you used to worry about were perhaps a bit silly and disproportionate. I’ve lost my health AND my job in the last couple of years, which makes me realise how a lot of things I regularly used to worry about (like whether I’d made a minor mistake at the job or something) were a bit of a waste of energy.
But I’m definitely still a “girl” (if I can still be an honorary one, at 46). Diagnosis doesn’t mean wearing sackcloth and ashes, and never painting your face again, or spritzing perfume!
I don’t have as much money to spend on these things as I used to, but I still like a wander round the cosmetics counters. You will too!
You will…this what you are going though is effectively called coming to terms with things and is a grieving process in a way. Your life may or may not change much but its not the end of it and you will still question the little things. At the same time it’s normal to wish you just had them to worry about when other things with the m.s may be in your mind. But honestly you will come to terms with it and if your anything like most on here you will do all you can to fight this , be strong and most of all be positive. You will still buy those shoes and debate over which are the nicest, still buy sexy underwear etc. One thing with this is that you can not worry about what ifs and live for the day hun. It’s unpredictable and people who have been in a bad place with it have come back fighting and done very well. Please don’t keep worrying, will do your health no good. I’ve been diagnosed since 2004 … It’s not until the last two years I’ve started having problems which affect me more but I’m still enjoying life, buying shoes albeit flat ones but tell you it’s still a debate over which ones to get. I had a little boy in 2009 and I’ve had and continue to have a lot of good times. In my younger days a lot of very silly drunken times, even girls holidays etc etc. Chin up, positive thinking helps as hard as it sometimes is even now so many years on I sometimes feel like crying and questioning why? But it’s it going to make a difference, although nothing wrong with a good cry! X
HI Anon - you’re in a difficult place at the mo, so try to take a day at a time and be kind to yourself. I was dx’d in Nov, so I’m quite new to all of this, but I’m learning to look after ME and that includes shopping and other girly stuff. I’ve had my hair done today, ordered some new nail polish and would have gone shopping if I’d felt up to it. I didn’t, but I’m looking forward to when I will feel well enough to ‘hit the shops’. Life is different after diagnosis, but you value the good times more. And my husband has just suggested an early night, so there’s an offer I can’t refuse.
I’m sure you are now realising this is something we all go through. At the first hint of MS and at diagnosis it does take over your life for a while. It does help to talk to others who have been through the same thing, either on the forum, or at your local MS branch (which have counsellors available) or even on the MS Helpline. In a while you will realise that life does go on, all the little things do still matter and you will be able to take an interest in them again.
Four years ago I was diagnosed following two severe relapses in quick succession. It came totally out of the blue and I had considered myself fit and healthy up to then. For a while it took over my life; I was angry, confused, upset, worried and moody. I was dealing with being physically unwell at the same time as the emotional turmoil. In the end I went to my local MS branch and talked face to face with another MSer who made me realise that everyone with MS goes through the exact same thing. We had a coffee together while I poured it all out and it really helped. After that I began to realise that this was just a new chapter in my life and I would deal with it like I had managed all the other challenges in my life. That was my turning point and I hope you find yours really soon.
My son still hates it when I spot a new shoe shop although now comfort is the overriding factor, followed by looks. I keep a couple of pairs of heels for special occasions (sometimes the pain is worth it, my party dresses don’t look right with flats!) and I’ve acquired a few things which help with looking good like magnetic jewellery clasps, tweezers with ‘grippy bits’ etc.
Believe me, life won’t be so serious for long. You’ll find your lighter side again very soon, I’m sure. Keep talking through your feelings as it will help, and don’t dwell too much on what might be. Take care
For good or ill, I think our fundamental selves reassert themselves pretty reliably, once we have got through the shock and trauma of a major event or period of fear and stress.
The good news is that, if you’re a girly girl at heart, you’ll most likely be a girly girl again, and your savour for the nice things will return. Even if you do turn out to have something serious the matter (and I hope you don’t) this will happen. Even if time does not cure whatever ails, it will most likely cure the shock of finding out and coming to terms. We are usually more resilient than we think, so take heart. The sun will come out for you again.
Actually being diagnosed with ms was a huge relief for me, after spending the previous 4 years feeling steadily more lazy and miserable I discovered I actually wasn’t just a miserable lazy person I actually had a medical condition for being like this.
It doesn’t stop the frustration and anger about being unable to do things, but for a little while, it did finally give me justification for why it wasn’t “all my fault”.
Hello Anon,all excellent advice on here, and now for my tuppence worth.You might not get a diagnosis of MS,but if you do,immediatley afterwards pinch yourself,and guess what YOU ARE STILL YOU. You need to focus on things you like, and you’ve got some very worthwhile interests on your list.Get back to doing all the things you enjoy,treat yourself and the bloke, and through that normality everything else will just follow on,
Hi, just want to reiterate what all the others have said…perhaps in a slightly different way and from my own persepective…`cos it turns out I dont have MS, after 14 years of tests and MS finally being ruled out last year.
Being a granny aged 60, Ive gone through the girly stage from when I was a teenager, to a young mum and now Im a girly granny! For years when I was in such mental torment, with test after test coming back normal, I did let my apppearance go a bit. Thinking about whats wrong with me`, seemed to take over my sense of the things females often think about…shoes, clothes, make up, hair styles etc.
But I`ve spent enough time on ???s and now I do make the most of myself, having hair cuts, colours, nice fashionable clothes (albeit in larger sizes) shoes etc and am thoroughly enjoying myself.
My sis, who is also one of my carers, is 66 soon, but she is very trendy and encourages me to be the same. We go for eye brow/lash tinting, nail treatments and giggle about all sorts of things.
You will get your head round it all eventually. The seriousness of your health will always be there, but you`ll begin to enjoy more of the fun stuff too…honest!
however,the ‘small stuff’ doesnt worry me-in fact its that stuff thats important to me. if i get my lippy on,am delighted. if not i accept that its not possible that day. i wore makeup every day in life but cant since june 2012. its taken me til now to master that. eyes? i want to keep them-not be lost by trying to use mascara! thats all superficial stuff but i appreciate it does contribute to self esteem. however,once your train your mind to keep strong then then physical stuff becomes less of an issue-if one at all.
i understand the previous replies but i think we are all too quick to moan about what we cant do. that opens the gates for unlimited guilt,jealousy and justifications of why u feel this way. you choose how u feel-theres always that choice. you control ur mind/thoughts/feelings,no-one else can. if that was possible that others could ‘make u feel’ a certain way i would choose for you to feel happy and be free fron pain (physical but more importantly mental)
ellie x who is in pain,cant walk,chokes frequently,urine and bowel incontinence on daily basis BUT i have 4 kids that i love uncondionally and them me. what else do i need? i am aware its not quite as simple as that,but its happening more frequently these days as i choose to ignore the small stuff that u were originally referring to i direct my energy to the REAL important small stuff such as a hug,unexpected text, watching the rain fall…i could go on but i wont. we spend so much time with our eyes open but see nothing…
All the girly things will become more not less important to you - Always make that extra effort - if you look good - you will feel good. When folk ask how you are - say you feel fine - and smile. The older l have got the more outrageous l am. Never leave the house without my lippy/perfume. Even just to go down the garden to let the ducks out. Mind you - one morning l did it wearing leopard print pyjamas and frightened the byjaysus out of them.
l have lost 5 good friends in the last couple of years to cancer - so what l have l got to worry about.
I agree with others. If you are a girly girl MS won’t change you. You essentially stay the same.
I was never a girly girl to begin with… but I think my style has got bolder since I’ve been using mobility scooter.
You are invisible enough once you start using any mobility aid… so I’ve started wearing brighter colours. Got a bright orange coat for Xmas & wear it with black scarf and cap… stand out from the crowd!
Also I’ve got an ‘I LOVE MY HARLEY’ sticker on the back of my scooter… get a lot of good comments on that!
yes, to reassure you, although ms is with me every single day, all the normal things still apply. you just need to make a conscious decision not to let it take over. i admit that it’s really hard at first and still have my teary days, but, life still goes on as they say, and if you take control of it you can still buy those sexy pants!