I cannot remember ever feeling “carefree” when I was well - I’m not naturally that sort of person, and will always find something to worry about, so if it wasn’t MS, it would be something else (big or small!)
For someone naturally given to worry, I’ve taken “big” things - like MS - surprisingly well. Maybe that’s because I accept it’s out of my control, and what will be will be, and I don’t have to fuss about whether I’m doing it right, or meeting expectations, or whatever. There’s no right or wrong way to be ill!
I think I get more stressed about things that - intellectually at least - I recognise as “silly”, but generally speaking, they are things I have control over, so a lot of it is worrying about whether I’ve done stuff, or whether I’ve done it well enough. Now that I’m no longer working, there’s not so much of that, as there are relatively few things anybody expects me to have done - and certainly not many I’ve made a formal commitment to.
But I still get anxious about quite minor things - like today I was anxious about my mum phoning (she has hypochondria, so her calls are always a bit of an ordeal - especially for anyone living with genuine illness), and I am anxious about going to college tomorrow, because last week I had severe transport problems on the way home, and got home in a distressed state.
I suppose the latter one is about MS, but more about the day-to-day challenges of living with it (“What if I get stuck standing up again, on a packed train for an hour, because of a signal failure?”) - not so much about where I’ll be in five years, or ten, or 20.
It did take two or three years (yes, really that long) before I woke up without feeling somehow shocked that I actually had MS. I would forget about it in my sleep, and wake up wondering why I didn’t feel too great - then the explanation would suddenly hit me: “Oh no, I’ve got MS!”
I still wake up with an immediate reminder in the form of pain that I’m not very well, but I’m no longer so shocked and surprised by it. It’s become part of life - albeit an unpleasant one. I no longer think: “OMG, what the heck happened to me?”