Any help or advice appreciated - Mother with MS with severe psychological issues


I am a 20 year old carer and student, I share caring responsibilities with my Dad who is the main day to day carer, however we both live at home with my 50 year old mum who has MS.

My Mum is wheelchair bound and gets around the house fairly easily however, any transferring onto different chairs, dressing, washing etc is done for her. The physical aspects of her MS are fine to cope with we don’t tend to have any major difficulties. However, I would say about over a year ago now my Mum’s mental health started deteriorating, she was depressed, paranoid, angry and frustated all the time. She eventually decided to take anti-depressants after I had to contact her MS nurse and GP myself and she calmed down for a few weeks. About a month ago she had a water infection and for want of a better term, she completely lost it. Antibiotics appeared to clear up the infection but her psychological state has just stayed the same, I’ve called the MS nurse who just tries to get me to contact Carer’s Resource, which I fully appreciate but it seems nobody quite understands what we have to deal with as she can turn it on and off when anyone else enters the house. She screams and shouts, is demanding, rude, critical, she is also emotionally and physically abusive. Just this morning my Dad left the house to go out and she took the opportunity to go on the computer and I caught her logged into my Dad’s personal facebook reading his messages, I confronted her and she pulled my hair and scratched me, before ramming into my shins with her wheelchair. I ended up having to video her during this ‘episode’, I hated having to do that but I saw no other option as otherwise how can anyone know what happens?!

I’m intending to see my GP who is also my Mum’s as soon as possible, though I’m a bit unsure as to what he will actually say - even when she can recognise how she is acting she is so stubborn she won’t admit it and can absolutely no way see how it affects my Dad and I - she thinks we’re both out to harm her all the time. I have been to see the GP before and it just seems he tries to get me to take myself away and even suggested I move out into student accomodation instead of living at home, I would never ever leave my Dad to cope with it all by himself and I said this, and that kind of advice isn’t what I need, I don’t need the direct help for myself.

If anyone has ever been in a similar situation or can offer any kind of advice with regards to getting my Mum more psychological or any other kind of help I would really appreciate that as the stress is really starting to mount!

Thankyou very much.

Hi M, oh dear, what a sad and difficut situation you are all in.

I am surprised that your mum`s GP hasnt referred her to the Menatl Health team.

I dont know anymore about it than that. There have been other carers here, who have had experience of this problem.

I really think something must be done soon, before there is a serious injury to any of you.

luv Pollx

you need to get back in touch with a dr and tell them all that you have put here,also just a thought,maybe the anti depressants dont suit her,they could be making her worse,there are all sorts,and some have bad side effecs too,the dr should look into this,

does your mum have an MS nurse,if so get in touch with her,she should help your mum get the right treatment.

if she doesnt have one ask her dr if she can be appointed one,they can help with all sorts.

hope you get some help with this,it must be so very hard for you and your Dad.

J x

sorry just seen that your mum does have an ms nurse,get your Dad to ring her and ask for them to come out to see your mum,she could get her to have a physciatric ms nurse came out to see me when i couldnt get out of bed for months,and she arranged all sorts of appointments,thats what they afre supposed to help with.

It sounds like more then MS issue, a lot of anger. Please read the Lotus Sutra interpreted by Nichiren Daishonin best English version by Burton Watson. This helps me cope with my abusive partner who has PPMS.