Forum

Americans

Stay Alert! They walk among us …
They Reproduce …
They Vote …
They’ve earned a Sign!

Number One Idiot
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
At the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very
Upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
Need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that
She gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right
Away.
Here’s your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
Life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
The plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast
Guard helicopter coming toward them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon
That activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Three Idiot
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
Wrote this, “Put all your muny in this bag.”
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
Worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
Before he reached the teller’s window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo
Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he
Handed his note to the Wells Fargo
Teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the
Brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
Stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and
That he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back
To Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a
Few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don’t bother with this guy’s sign. He probably couldn’t read it anyway.

Number Four Idiot
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
His speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
Mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days
Later, he received a letter from the police that contained
Another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy ... But you still get a sign.

Number Five Idiot
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
The cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch
That he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put
It in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t
Believe you are over 21.”
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
Because she didn’t believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver’s licence out of his wallet and
Gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she
Put the Scotch in the bag.
The
Robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
Robber that he got off the licence. They arrested the robber two hours
Later.
This guy definitely needs a sign .

Idiot Number Six
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.

Idiot Number Seven
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
Window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
Cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, here’s your sign.

Idiot Number Eight
I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local township administrative office
to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think
this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
Take the sign - Please!
1 Like

the unkind part of me says ‘only in the usa’

but i live in essex, so will shut up x

thank you wobly, that made me very happy.

xx

can’t stop chuckling at the two armed robbers. one shouted “nobody move” the other moved so his partner shot him.

schadenfreude!!

i’ll probably chuckle all day at that.

carole x

Thanks Wb, brilliant as usual

Very funny Wb

X

Thanks Wb - I’m stealing those

JBk xx

Oy Polar person,not so much of the laughing.Some of us lived nearer to the United State of Idiocy than others.

Wb

I live 10km from the US border. This thread concerns me.

1 Like

Are the border guards armed,and are there large animals with BIG teeth available upon request?

Wb

the border guards are armed with coupons to entice you the local malls!

as for big teethy critters; such are in abundance in BC.