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Am I doing the right thing?

Hi, I’m undiagnosed following a ms like attack 2 years ago in November. Neurologist told me if another attack happens it will lead to a ms diagnosis. Me & my partner have been together 6 years & would love a baby at some point. We are not in the best financial position to have a baby now. I feel like I’m playing with fire if I push my luck & wait any longer to start trying for a baby encase i do get a diagnosis & am torn between starting medication or having a baby. Also I’m worried what another attack might do to me & how it may leave me. Do you think I’m doing the right thing by waiting until the money situation improved but risk getting a diagnosis? Or do I hang around and keep pushing my luck? So so difficult to know what the right thing is to do. Has anyone else been in this sort if situation? Thank you for any of your comments. :0)

I had my first MS attack this year when my baby was 8 months old (and again 6 weeks later!). The first was quite a big one compared to the second that just seemed to cause numbness on my right side.

I think it’s important to be able to afford a baby to an extent and obviously I don’t know your individual financial circumstances but you generally find the money to bring them up. They don’t need the posh prams and the Baby Gap clothes, they need love, food and warmth and the one thing I would say is that they don’t stay babies for long.

You may of course never ever have another MS attack and it could have been an isolated incident and the drugs don’t have to be a given. If you have another attack and get your diagnosis, you aren’t obliged to start drugs immediately.

I got my diagnosis on 4th June and have my appointment re drugs next week and am seriously considering if I want to take them for now as not keen on the side effects that seem to come with them considering I literally take nothing now but then I have a weak left leg from the first attack and am not keen for that to get worse.

Not sure I’m being much help here - just saying, a baby isn’t the end of the world with MS, should you have it x

Hi,

Have you posted this question before, as there was a near identical one a few weeks back - but maybe it’s just a common situation you find yourself in?

I’ll answer as (from memory) I did to the last person:

(i) You may NEVER have another attack, and thus never have MS. Some people don’t have a second attack for years, and some never. Thus you could be letting something that will never happen override your very real concerns about whether you have enough money to start a family.

(ii) It’s by no means clear that a medication decision will even arise. There are only another few months before you pass the two year anniversary of your last attack. If you had a second attack after that, then yes, it is likely to lead to diagnosis, but not necessarily to medication, because generally, you need two attacks in two years to qualify. So unless you had another attack very soon - and I’m certainly not wishing that on you - medication probably wouldn’t be on the cards anyway.

By “medication”, I’m referring to disease modifying drugs, or DMDs - which I assume is what you’re talking about too. Drugs for symptom relief only don’t have rules and regulations about frequency of attacks, so you could probably access those straight away, but they’re not such a lifestyle decision. You don’t have to make a long-term commitment - they may certainly improve daily life, but not taking them won’t have any effect on disease course.

Tina

One of the worst things about MS or query MS is the way it can mess with a person’s life and hopes and plans even when there isn’t anything obviously the matter. I am sure that most of us can relate to the dilemma you find yourself in here.

I have no idea how to advise you other than to say that no one can see into the future, however hard she tries - this is not the sort of problem that can be solved if one just thinks it through carefully enough. At least this means you do not need to worry about getting it ‘wrong’ - there are no rights and wrongs here, it is more a matter of just doing what feels best for you and hoping for the best, I think.

Good luck with it all.

Alison

Agree with all previous replies, but would also add you are never in as good a financial position as you might want to be in order to have a baby, and could wait forever for that to be the case.

Hi there, maybe you should look at some of the information on the MS site here, go on to you tube and download Marlo Donato (her address is awkward bi**h). Quite a few women with MS who have babies find that their symptoms become lessened with pregnancy, if that’s what you are worried about and of course with the right support after the birth even if you do have a relapse (fingers crossed you don’t) then you will find the strength to cope. As for financially, who apart from the upper class can really afford children? if we all wait for that time then there’d probably be a third of the population. I am glad I let my heart rule my head on this and had mine when I felt ready emotionally because I can say I’ve done jobs I wouldn’t have considered before having children and it also gives you a reason to work part time rather than feel obligated to work full time. Money is always tight with kids, mine are 17 and 20 and they still cost me a fortune, but I wouldn’t swap them for anything. But most of all Marlo Donato is possibly one of the most inspirational women it has been my pleasure to listen to and I think if you seek her out she will help you to realise what you truly want and if you feel it is achievable. Best of luck. Liz x

Hi there, I really sympathise the decision to have a baby always seems like a huge one, particularly before your first. All I would say is, MS or no MS, I’ve never heard anyone say, " I wish I never had [baby x]" but I have heard lots of people say " I wish I had had children earlier / when I was younger/fitter/healthier… "

As somone else said above, they actually don’t need all that much - mainly love, cuddles and food. As they get older, if you are short of money they may have to forego the latest trainers, or whatever it is they want, but that’s really not such a bad thing…

Anyway, it’s intensely personal of course so you will do what is right for you. I know people who wouldn’ t touch a hand-me-down and waited until they could afford the best - also the right decision for them as it was important to them to do things that way.

Good luck with whatever you choose

Clare