Hi, Being undiagnosed for approx a year, & recently turning 31 I don’t know what to do & in what order? I would love to have a child & me & my partner would have started trying when I was maybe 34ish. I don’t know if we should do it now before I get 100percent confirmed of having ms? I don’t know how ms is going to affect me, it’s already messing with my speech, hand writing & a few other things. In basic words, I dint know how or in what time frame I’m gonna fall apart? Maybe I’m not gonna fall apart, I don’t no!?! Maybe I have completely the wrong perception of ms? I just don’t know what to do for the best. I would ideally want to wait until I’m 34 as I don’t feel quite ready for a child yet but do I risk waiting that long?
nobody knows how an individuals ms will be.
don’t worry about falling apart, you won’t but you will have to adapt a lot.
could you talk to your gp about this? he/she should be able to advise
there’s no reason why you can’t wait until you are 34.
the biggest difference a diagnosis will make is the chance of starting on a DMD which could most likely impact on the question of pregnancy.
in my mind, you are undiagnosed and the decision of starting a family lies with you and your partner.
have you got fatigue? this symptom can cause dificulties with having young children around because your energy is precious and housework is not all that important. if you do have a child you will adapt your expectation of yourself.
housework will no longer be a priority but cuddles with your baby will be at the top of your list, as it should be.
i wish that i could be more specific but you will get more replies and hopefully they will be more useful than mine.
love carole xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Does anybody have a life plan that goes to plan…whether they have an illness or not? I doubt it.
If you wait until you can afford a child no one would ever have them.
If your heart wants a littleun I would say go for it now.
You have no idea even if you are diagnosed what path it will take, but I think (and I could be wrong) you have to come off DMD when pregnant. So at least if you have the child first you wont have the do/ I don’t concerns about your meds.
All totally my view as I had long since had mine when dx came.
Take care
Pip
Hi there - what a tricky dilemma for you. Have you been told by the neurologist that MS is the most likely diagnosis? The diagnosis won’t actually change a thing, it’s just a label. You body will do whatever it’s going to do regardless. Do you feel ready for a child? You say you don’t. Many many people with MS do go on to have children several years after diagnosis. Some are diagnosed when they’re really young so obviously they didn’t have the choice. If you’re not ready then stick with your plan.
Children are incredibly hard work though and if fatigue is a big problem for you, as Carole says you will need to find ways of making life easier. Certainly you have more energy the younger you are. My last child was born when I was 31 and I wouldn’t have wanted to go later than that to be honest. She’s 12 now and I can’t imagine having to look after small children with the way I’ve been this last year. No one can predict the future and if having a child is really important to you maybe that needs to be your first priority.
Good luck whatever you decide!
Deb
Hi,
I am having a similar dillema. I am 40 and my partner had never wanted children and I had resigned myself to not having any. Then suddenly a few months ago he changed his mind, i think partly because he realised i was ill and that he had been selfish and also partly because his own mortality hit him. Anyways, we talked about it and decided we would wait and try and get a diagnosis for me before doing anything. Ive been told I could be waiting a long time for a diagnosis so we have decided to go for it. I am pretty scared, for a variety of reasons, im getting pretty old to have a child, i will have to come off my meds and i dont know if i can cope with working without my meds while pregnant or trying to concieve. Also because of my age We have the added stress to maybe having problems with the baby. I realise that it is going to be very hard work, as i will have to go back to work part time and fatigue is a big issue, but i havre always wanted a child and it is now or never!!! I sympathise with you completely and understand that your mind can completely be overwhelmed with all the what ifs.
Emxx
I just hate the way MS (or something that looks as if it might be MS) just completely messes with a young couple’s life, just as they are establishing themselves and looking forward. Babies, careers, hopes, dreams, all of it. It can just throw the whole damn lot up in the air. I’m old now, but I was dx in my late thirties, and can well remember the dilemmas and the horrible complexities of all the separate issues (babies or not, and if not now, when? treatment or not, and if not now, when? how long to leave it? how much chance of falling pregnant when ill and stressed and already no longer young? etc etc), being so hopelessly tangled and interdependent. I really feel for you. This is not fun.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Alison
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