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All time low.com!

Hey all - I almost feel guilty writing a new post as everyone has been so lovely and until my diagnosis I was the one providing the emotional support to people both professionally and personally, but I am really struggling. Its just over 3 weeks since I was diagosed and I have prob had about 3 days where I havent cried, been angry, lathargic or felt sorry for myself. This episode is nothing compared to the length and physical difficulties I had last time and the good thing is that I havent been hospitalised this time, but this time I just cant seem to get my emotions under control. I am ruining my relationship as I am pushing my partner away, I am undoing the good work I done with improving my health and I feel so lost and lonely and like I dont know what to do and where to go for support so that it clicks and I pull myself out of this dark place. Sorry for rant but I just feel I need some support from someone who might be able to relate to feeling this low. Answers on a postcard how I kick this Black dog please :frowning: thanks muchly xx

Oh sweetheart - my heart goes out to you xxx

Don’t you dare feel guilty xx of course you are in a dark place - coping with a definite diagnosis is a bit like going through a bereavement - a normal reaction is like the grieving process - you have to give yourself time - allow for the low points - go with the flow of them and you will eventually come out of it/come to terms with it/adjust to it/accept it/fight it x

Your partner will I’m sure understand why you are behaving like this - but don’t forget the people closest to you - the ones that bear the brunt - will feel helpless and at a loss as to how to help or even behave around you - it’s a scary place for them too x

If your relationship is strong - you will get through this and (I know it’s a bit cliche!) you will be stronger for it xjenxxx

I’ve been through serious depression myself…to the point of minor self harm. I got out of it by firstly giving myself a stern talking to for being so silly as to hurt myself (I shocked myself, to be honest), then using some tools I’d learned years before. I would look myself in the eyes in the mirror and even though it was hard and made me feel a bit silly, I would say ‘I love you (name)’. I’d repeat affirmations many times, especially to myself in the mirror. ‘I love and accept myself.’, ‘All is well. Everything is happening for the highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe.’ This gave me the strength to go to the doctor to seek help. I got counselling. I moved from anti-depressants to acupuncture and chinese medicine. I treated myself with Reiki (anyone can be taught how to do that) and I developed more positive ways of thinking. I’m no longer depressed (though still working on anxiety) and the circumstances which led to the depression have vastly improved. All it takes to begin with is the simple intention to feel better. Then take small steps as help appears and above all, love yourself. That’s something we are still not so used to or comfortable with the idea of in this country, but its essential…and if my experience can help just one person, I’d go through Life’s challenge again. Oops. I think Life heard me! Be gentle with yourself. Can you look yourself in the eye and say ‘I love you’?

Don’t be so hard on your self you’ve just got dx and are allowed time to get your head round that and rant at life in general. Huge hugs and twix coming your way A

Hi! I’m feeling so sad for you. It sound’s like you’ve hit the bumpers really hard. I’m newly diagnosed myself (June) and yes, initially, I spent a good few days crying, and like you, feeling so sorry for myself and despondent. But, I thankfully, turned the corner rapidly, and started preparing myself for the battle ahead. MS is a serious neurological condition. There is no hiding away from it, unfortunately- BUT YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER- FACT! I’ve been talking to friends recently and keep spouting the same old mantra- " You’ve got to adapt and modify, adapt and modify". This is SO true! You have two choices, Vintage Red. You can remain a victim, or you can walk proud, the survivor. For your health and sanity and those around you, take control of the situation now and soldier on a survivor. I must sound really repetitive to those that have read my other comments on here, because I seem to keep repeating the same old lines, but I am going to stick with them. You know your enemy now, so arm yourself well. If reading is your thing, then buy yourself some books on MS ( I can recommend several-let me know). Check that your diet is good. There are foods that we as MS sufferers need to eat and foods that we need to avoid. And that includes vitamins and minerals. It’s all based on sound scientific knowledge too and it works ( I can recommend a very good book on MS diet too!) . Keep exercising as best you can. And, if you’ve never done any exercise START NOW! Thirty minutes of aerobic exercise has been scientifically shown to increase the number of nerve growth factors, which promote the generation of nerve cells, the connections between the cells and myelin repair (important in MS-massively). If you cannot manage aerobic exercise because of your MS, then do some stretching and do it religiously. I’d better stop, otherwise I could go on and on …Anyway, in the meantime, big hugs from me and have yourself a nice cup of tea! Best of luckxx

Hello there hun.

I think you are probably shocked at this present low feeling, after having coped so well before. Well, perhaps you hadnt dealt with your previous feelings as well as you thought, eh?

This new low could be a blip, or a re-visit to those earlier days. Please dont beat yourself up about this.

It takes ages to fully come to terms with a serious diagnosis, like MS. 3 weeks is just a tiny drop in the ocean of time, to learn how to cope.

Try not to push your fella away. He will also feel lost and not have the slightest idea how to help you.

You`re gonna need each other to get to a place where this horrid monster doesnt frighten the pants off you…excuse the expression!

Maybe you could do with a chat with your MS nurse, or your GP.

Remember, there is a life…a good one…after a diagnosis of MS.

pollxx

Thank you VERY much everyone for your lovely and detailed replies on here and private messages - it does mean alot and is helpful. Sorry I havent replied individually or gone on here much of late but Im really not doing too well. I just cant seem to pull myself together or see much of a future at the mo and feel completely lost. I am not sure how much of this is just because I have been diagnosed, or how much is the result of the aftermath of a recent episode or how much is just because I am a glass half empty kind of girl and this is the straw that broke the camels back so to speak but I feel its best to keep away for a bit as your kindness is falling on deaf ears and the way I feel right now I could post for help every day and thats not fair on everyone else. I have been let down by the MS Nurses who cancelled the appointment I had to FIGHT for, its an argument every day to speak to my GP as I cant get passed the rockweiller receptionists and my neuro appointment after my ‘emergency’ MRI is not until 25th October (had the MRI a couple of weeks ago) and now I receive a letter to say actually its not until 11th November! I just dont feel strong enough to deal with this anymore. I know I sound like such a pathetic loser as I am annoying myself, but I dont want this and feel like I am dead inside. Like I dont know who I am or what I can and cant do anymore or how to do anything without crying, feeling tired or hating myself?!! Thank you for listening everyone xx

Thank you VERY much everyone for your lovely and detailed replies on here and private messages - it does mean alot and is helpful. Sorry I havent replied individually or gone on here much of late but Im really not doing too well. I just cant seem to pull myself together or see much of a future at the mo and feel completely lost. I am not sure how much of this is just because I have been diagnosed, or how much is the result of the aftermath of a recent episode or how much is just because I am a glass half empty kind of girl and this is the straw that broke the camels back so to speak but I feel its best to keep away for a bit as your kindness is falling on deaf ears and the way I feel right now I could post for help every day and thats not fair on everyone else. I have been let down by the MS Nurses who cancelled the appointment I had to FIGHT for, its an argument every day to speak to my GP as I cant get passed the rockweiller receptionists and my neuro appointment after my ‘emergency’ MRI is not until 25th October (had the MRI a couple of weeks ago) and now I receive a letter to say actually its not until 11th November! I just dont feel strong enough to deal with this anymore. I know I sound like such a pathetic loser as I am annoying myself, but I dont want this and feel like I am dead inside. Like I dont know who I am or what I can and cant do anymore or how to do anything without crying, feeling tired or hating myself?!! Thank you for listening everyone xx

kick the ‘Black Dog’ …I love your humour xx

I am sure you will find yourself again, dig deep its there, it will just take time and care.

my thoughts and cuddles are with you.

Catherine xx

Good morning Catherine! How are you Hun? Rahma XXX

Sending you big hugs Vintage have been thinking about you. Is there anyone you can talk to about how you’re feeling? Ax

Group hug! We are here when you’re ready. Take your time x

Hi Rahma,

up and down, received my p45 last Saturday, so whole new ball game begins.

hey ho, life goes on, so onwards and upwards.

Catherine

Hey Vintage Red

It’s hard getting a diganosis of something that you know is going to affect you the rest of your life. You’re enititled to be upset and not be dealing with things well - it’s still early days. Most of the others have said the things I’d love to say so I won’t repeat them.

One thing I will say is - though I’m not diagnosed, the scariest bit about being ill and potentially having a diganosis of MS (even if it’s what you expected) is the lack of control and uncertainty of what will happen in the future. These things - the progress of your disease, what symptoms you will get, how you will be after… are not in your control.

What is in your control right now is doing what you can to help yourself know what your up against - so arm yourself with information. Stay healthy as much as you feasibly can - that means eating well, exericising (whatever you can manage). I loved dance and I was so upset because I had to stop. Thankfully I have recovered well enough from the first epsiode that I could restart but at the time I had to accept life wasn’t going to perhaps be the way that I’d planned it but that didn’t mean it was going to be bad. I started yoga instead and have made a whole host of friends whilst still feeling like I was retaining some control.

Build a network of people around you who you can rely on: that means people who accept you and your health and understand you may have off or bad days. Let your partner in - if you don’t the person that loses out on all that love and support that is very much needed is you.

Lastly take it one step at a time and stop worrying about what may happen - as it may never happen as not all MS patients get every single thing on the symptoms list and not everyone’s MS is the same.

Hope you get through this. In the meantime you have all of us here to talk and vent to. (Hugs)

Reemz

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