A few funnies (tyronerose)

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.” The officer then asks, “Really Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?” The man replies, “That would be my wife……” Couple trying 2 start a family, The Wife says “Billy I’ll go 4 the IVF treatment!!” Billy says "No way Mary, If i can’t do it myself I don’t want to involve the paramilitaries A curious kid comes to an elderly man, who is reading a book, and asks him: “What are you reading?” The elderly man answers: “A history book” The kid looks at what the elderly man is reading and says, “But that is a book about sex!” Old man: “Yeah, but for me it is history!” An 80 yr Old lady was marrying for the 4th time. A newpaper asked if she wouldn’t mind talking about her first 3 husbands & what they did for a living. She smiled & said "My first husband was Banker, then I married a Circus Ringmaster. Next was a Preacher & now in my 80’s, a Funeral Director. When asked why the 4 Men had such diverse careers. She explained, “I married one for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready & 4 to go.” Three surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on, the first surgeon said, “Electricians are the best, everything inside is color coded.” the second surgeon says, “No, I think librarians are, everything inside them is in alphabetical order” the third surgeon shut them up when he said: “You’re all wrong, politicians are the easiest to operate on, there’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, plus, the head and the a*se are interchangeable”… Superman and Lois Lane are out on a romantic flight above the clouds, Lois “Superman, where are we?” Superman sticks his hand through a cloud “Paris” Lois “How do you know?” Superman “I felt the top of the Eiffell Tower” A while later, Lois “Where are we now?” Superman sticks his hand through a cloud “Egypt” Lois “How do you know?” Superman “I felt the top of the Pyramid’s” A while later, Lois “Where are we now?” Superman sticks his hand through a cloud “The Bronx” Lois “How do you know?” Superman “Because my f**king watch has gone” [a=#000040 ]A woman and a baby are in a doctor’s surgery, where the doctor is concerned about the baby’s weight.“Is he bottle or breastfed?” asks the doctor. The woman replies, “breast”. With that, the doctor orders her to strip to her waist so he can examine her breasts. After pinching her nipples and sucking and rubbing both of her breasts for some time the doctor says, "No wonder the baby is under weight - you have no milk!"The woman replies, "I know, I’m his Nan - but I’m glad I came.[/a] One day an Englishman Scotsman & Irishman walked into a pub together. They bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their pint, three flies landed in each of their pints and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT YOU GIT YE!”

:lol: Loved them, especially the one about the IVF, thanks. XXXS