DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS
'Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,
’ the Divorce Court Judge said,
‘And I’ve decided to give your wife £775 a week,’
‘That’s very fair, your honour,’ the husband said.
'And every now and then I’ll try to send her a
few bob myself.’
A doctor examining a woman who had been
rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband
aside, and said, 'I don’t like the looks of your wife
at all.’
‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband.
‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if
he can remove a curse he has been living with
for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to
tell me the exact words that were used to put
the curse on you.’
The old man says without hesitation,
‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’
A blonde calls British Airways and asks,
'Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from
Glasgow to London ?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two detectives were investigating the
murder of John Brown.
‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.
‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.
‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’
‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in John Brown.’
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical
Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I’m O.K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words
the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.
‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.
‘Oops!’
While shopping for holiday clothes, my husband
and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been
at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought
my husband’s advice.
‘What do you think?’ I asked. 'Should I get a bikini
or an all-in-one?’
‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. 'You’d never get it
all in one.’
He’s still in intensive care.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there
was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a
tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance…
The little old man looked at the priest and calmly
said, 'Well, she’s there"