'Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,

’ the Divorce Court Judge said,

‘And I’ve decided to give your wife £775 a week,’
‘That’s very fair, your honour,’ the husband said.

'And every now and then I’ll try to send her a

few bob myself.’

A doctor examining a woman who had been

rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband

aside, and said, 'I don’t like the looks of your wife

at all.’
‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband.

‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if

he can remove a curse he has been living with

for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to

tell me the exact words that were used to put

the curse on you.’
The old man says without hesitation,

‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’

A blonde calls British Airways and asks,

'Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from

Glasgow to London ?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two detectives were investigating the

murder of John Brown.
‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.
‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.
‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’
‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in John Brown.’

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical

Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I’m O.K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words

the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.
‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.

While shopping for holiday clothes, my husband

and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been

at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had

even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought

my husband’s advice.
‘What do you think?’ I asked. 'Should I get a bikini

or an all-in-one?’
‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. 'You’d never get it

all in one.’
He’s still in intensive care.

The graveside service just barely finished, when there

was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a

tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even

more thunder rumbling in the distance…
The little old man looked at the priest and calmly

said, 'Well, she’s there"