9 weeks and counting!

Hello out there. Things got worse since my last post.i need an enormous rant so please excuse my grammar! I'm now stuck in Derby Royal Hospital and have been since 9th april. The decision has been made that i cannot walk or pee or poop on my own but im sure i could if i just tried a bit harder.

I'm waiting for Nottinghams QMC to agree to do an intrathecal baclofen pump operation on me and have been told i could be waiting months if not longer! the rehab ward are desparately trying to get me into a local cottage hospital or i'll have to pay to go into a nursing home because i'm taking up a bed. I'm 43,got fat on 3 lots of steroids in 5 months, have acne, my husband left me last november, my daughter aged 18 has set up home with him and his new girlfriend(whom she likes but it's creepy beyond words how happy families she's trying to be) because that way she doesnt have to cook, clean, tidy, wash, iron or take any responsibility and it's a saturday afternoon and what a suprise, no visitors. My dog is being passed pillar to post  because my daughter won't look after him and the other small rodents have been rehomed because she was too lazy to care for them. I'm even doing my own washing in the hospital, not because the OT's think i need to but because my girl won't do it for me and my ex certainly won't.

I am beyond fed up. At one point i took to storing up gradually some of my pills so i could take them all at onceone night, that's how bad i feel, the thought of my daughter and my faith kept me strong. But as i'm being more and more pushed out of her life i am losing the strength she gave me. I have spoken to the staff about it and the counsellor. Just pity and sympathy. Thank Goodness for my faith although i never considered myself a really strong type like that.

I want to scream and yell and kick and cry cos it's all so not fair. I tried to be a good person and i'm now alienating everyone because sometimes they're so thoughtless with what they do or they don't know what to sayto me or it's upsets them to see me and the can't handle it or whatever rubbish excuse they come up with.

i have some friends who have suprised me. People who i knew only vaguely who have been remarkable and others who i thought were close who i've seen once in nine weeks. I daren't even think about money because of course i loose my benefits but still have a house and mortgage and council tax etc to pay and then there's the divorce, the law case after an accident (i could be liable for a £20,000 bill because my daughter forgot to post THE most important court document and left it on her windowsill for 4 weeks).

I just can't cope, seriously i can't. I'm stuck in a life of hell. I see people around me every day with terrible conditions but they all have somebody to hold, lean on, support and love them. I have no one. I am alone.


Hi Susie, I have just read your post and oh dear I so feel for you. Have you got a social worker who can help and steer you in the right direction re your you think your daughter could be scared of seeing you like this and doesn’t know how to react, how old his she? Susie I am struggling with what to say to you I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I hope and pray you can get something sorted soon. Try and keep strong and I send you an enormous ((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))). Karen xx

Hi Susie

My heart goes out to you, your post really does make an impact.  Do you think it would do you any good to ask to speak to a Counsellor or social worker, who could do a lot of the back ground work on your behalf, because you sure do need someone right now.

Keep on asking for help, make a nuisance of yourself if you have to, but please dont give up, there will be a light at the end of what must be a dark tunnel for you.

I wish I could be of more help, but remember  we are always here to listen, so rant away, but please, please dont give up.

Hope these ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) let you know you are not alone.


Oh Susie. Please dont give up. If I knew where you are Id give you a hug. You are not alone my darling, promise. We get so wrapped in ourselves sometimes. Your husbands an a r s e, sos but he is. Please remember you have all of us!!!! Im s h i t at geography! Im sure everyone sends their love right now. Dont give up babes we are not virtual but real people & believe me we care!!! post us soon or we,ll be worried!!!!! Tracey xx

Hi Susie,

Please ask the hospital to call Social Services. You need help in a few different areas and they can assist.

Put each trouble in it's own little box; you cannot deal with them all at once.

Is there a mutal friend who can speak with your ex and your daughter?

I truly hope things improve soon.


Hello Susie - this is the saddest post I have read on here to date. How awful your situation is and how you have put my own in perspective. There is nothing I can say or do to make your situation any better but be assured my thoughts are with you more than you know. We're supposed to not be tested beyond our strength but too many times that seems to be the biggest lie I ever heard.

You are a truly strong lady. 



Hello Susie,

As the others have said you are not alone you have all of us. As Claire has said put each problem in a box of it's own, but throw away the pills you stored, that won't help. Reading your story made me want to cry, mainly because I cannot physically help you but mentally give you hope and strength to carry on. Keep pushing for help in everyway that you can.

Please don't give up, talk to us all instead.

Sending you ((((((HUGS)))))