Hello out there. Things got worse since my last post.i need an enormous rant so please excuse my grammar! I'm now stuck in Derby Royal Hospital and have been since 9th april. The decision has been made that i cannot walk or pee or poop on my own but im sure i could if i just tried a bit harder.
I'm waiting for Nottinghams QMC to agree to do an intrathecal baclofen pump operation on me and have been told i could be waiting months if not longer! the rehab ward are desparately trying to get me into a local cottage hospital or i'll have to pay to go into a nursing home because i'm taking up a bed. I'm 43,got fat on 3 lots of steroids in 5 months, have acne, my husband left me last november, my daughter aged 18 has set up home with him and his new girlfriend(whom she likes but it's creepy beyond words how happy families she's trying to be) because that way she doesnt have to cook, clean, tidy, wash, iron or take any responsibility and it's a saturday afternoon and what a suprise, no visitors. My dog is being passed pillar to post because my daughter won't look after him and the other small rodents have been rehomed because she was too lazy to care for them. I'm even doing my own washing in the hospital, not because the OT's think i need to but because my girl won't do it for me and my ex certainly won't.
I am beyond fed up. At one point i took to storing up gradually some of my pills so i could take them all at onceone night, that's how bad i feel, the thought of my daughter and my faith kept me strong. But as i'm being more and more pushed out of her life i am losing the strength she gave me. I have spoken to the staff about it and the counsellor. Just pity and sympathy. Thank Goodness for my faith although i never considered myself a really strong type like that.
I want to scream and yell and kick and cry cos it's all so not fair. I tried to be a good person and i'm now alienating everyone because sometimes they're so thoughtless with what they do or they don't know what to sayto me or it's upsets them to see me and the can't handle it or whatever rubbish excuse they come up with.
i have some friends who have suprised me. People who i knew only vaguely who have been remarkable and others who i thought were close who i've seen once in nine weeks. I daren't even think about money because of course i loose my benefits but still have a house and mortgage and council tax etc to pay and then there's the divorce, the law case after an accident (i could be liable for a £20,000 bill because my daughter forgot to post THE most important court document and left it on her windowsill for 4 weeks).
I just can't cope, seriously i can't. I'm stuck in a life of hell. I see people around me every day with terrible conditions but they all have somebody to hold, lean on, support and love them. I have no one. I am alone.