I’ve got SPMS, medically retired and disabled. Fatigue, concentration, vision and mobility are the main problems. I can park all my MS problems bar two which cause me a lot of stress if not distress.
Clumsiness really upsets me so breaking a glass cos I drop it or a mug cos I don’t see it and knock it on the floor. Knocking over a glass of liquid, usually red wine upsets me dreadfully.
The other is my loss of sexual drive. In fact I am sexually dysfunctional. My life is now very empty, it happened about 6 years ago. Still happily married but out relationship has changed. OK we are both over 60 but it happened when I was about 56 so potentially lots in the tank. Hearing the couple next door make love when I went to bed last night before the wife cut to the quick.
I just feel an emptiness or big hole where love and not being clumsy once existed.The wife won’t talk about it, says she has MS (she hasn’t) as well cos she must look after me. Not caring for me but doing things I can’t do like carry stuff cos my balance is shot, I must always use a walking aid so no free hands.
Just writing this has been quite cathartic and I hope to see a counsellor soon. I need to find a way to deal with the problem plus try to talk to the wife about these two issues. Its easier said than done cos she will dismiss them and I don’t like to talk about them.
Thanks for reading this
Patrick
ps I decided it was a positive action not to be anonymous and it might help me.
pps this is the first time I have ever discussed the sexual problem.
Can’t put your issues right for you Patrick but wanted to offer virtual support.
I hope the counselling helps you, maybe they could talk to you and your wife together once your sessions have helped you ?
The clumsiness I can totally relate to, I have always had a tenancy to be clums but really going for it these days at least now I have an excuse but it does annoy and frustrate me.
Obviously there is no solution to your problems beyond communication.
As a feminist, I am very impressed by many of the men on this forum who are upset that their MS has meant they can’t satisfy their wives/partners sexually. It wasn’t so many years ago that the idea that women have a sex drive of their own was unimaginable. And I do admire the way that you men are becoming able to talk about your sexual problems more openly.
Personally, I really don’t have sufficient feeling to get much if anything out of sex apart from a feeling of closeness and intimacy. But my OH has his own sexual problems (that I won’t go into), so we’ve together ‘parked’ the whole idea of sex. In many ways, our difficulties with sex being on both sides has made things easier, we neither of us feel that we’re neglecting the other in that way, and we manage to feel close and loved without there being at present, a sexual element to our relationship.
I miss the feelings I once had, just like I miss the ability to walk and do a hundred different things I once could so easily.
Clumsiness on the other hand is something that to some extent I’ve always had. ‘Butterfingers’ it/I was always called. And that’s become worse and worse over time.
I hope you and your wife become able to discuss the sexual side of your marriage and hopefully as a result, become closer and feel more intimate with each other even if there is no real change to the mechanics.