Wherefore art thou words

Hello MS Community,

My name is Caz and I got diagnosed with MS back in 2015. I’ve had a fair few lesions over the years concerning visual disturbances but it is the cognitive dysfunction that I am most concerned about. There is no clear idea as to what all of my lesions have affected and so I am left assuming much of the time. Does anybody ever worry about an assumed symptom becoming a self-fufilling prophecy? I say this with verbal fluency in mind.

I think I’ve always been a person who has blundered with words and so it’s hard to jump to MS as the cause but I’ve noticed I am apologising more in the workplace for not being able to describe what I mean and generally freezing for what words to use. It feels like everyone has a whole stream of words at their disposal and I just can’t seem to find mine in nearly the same way.

I am researching cognitive assessments and wondered if anybody else has done the same on their journey? I feel like it would be good to start measuring any changes to my cognitive ability.

Hope you have all had a happy and healthy day,

Caz

Hi Caz

I used to be a huge talker, to the point that StFu.Up was a phrase I heard constantly.

The worst thing for me is having something I want to say and begin to say it but just stop dead because the key word has vanished.

Worst of all is trying to tell a joke, getting to the punch line and … nothing

Don’t feel bad about blaming MS, it is a disease from hell, begat by Lucifer/Beelzebub.

I was diagnosed in 2008 during a time when my job involved running training sessions.

It was a relief to get my diagnosis because I honestly thought I was going mad.

Have a good day

Carole x

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Thank you, Carole! It helps to hear your struggles with words too. I can only imagine the challenges with running training sessions amidst all that! Also helps to hear about not feeling bad about blaming MS :). Thank you x

it is good for me to hear that other people have the same problems that I had. pigging MS makes my fingers go mental so it has not just taken my ability to talk but also my ability to type.

never feel bad about blaming MS. It won’t sit there eating worms with tears pouring out!

You didn’t ask for MS. IT picked on you! Bully!!

Have a better day today.

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hi caz

have read your psot several times and wiil rewad r3epies with inter3est.

i have no sihgt in left eye for 8/9n yrears niow. in may 2020 had issues for 2nd time in right-they are unchangedf.

i disappeared for a few montha trying to adapt to yet again more changes in my life (double incontimence, total right side weakmess, throat spasnms to mention a few)

the cognitive chanfes are very cleasr to those who give 2 hoots about me! (yes-you know who yuo are on here!)

recently i use the forym again because i hope that any input i can offer to others is usefuk (and it distracts me from pain for a wgile!)

one question…what is it that yuo hope to learn/change by monotorimg the changes?

take care

el

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Hi El, thank you for responding. I appreciate you taking the time to connect.

Yours is a very good question. I would hope to learn more about what is changing for the worse and may end up changing my career to match my new capabilities. Sometimes I feel like I am trying to fit a square object into a circular hole by still being in talk-centered roles.

Sorry to hear about your array of issues, that is a fair bit to contend with. I love that you are offering help to others and glad that it distracts you from the pain for a while. You’ve certainly helped me so thank you!

Caz, you are very articulate in the written word. Is it possible to incorporate more of that into your current job? i was a typist for many decades, and I discovered that while I have trouble speaking on a regular basis, I don’t lose as many words when I type.

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Thank you, NorasMom! I do feel that typing is way easier for me so that’s really helpful to consider.

hi agaijn

for your job-that makes sense

over the yearss i have learned that no matter how much i reAD about others experienes i find my own way cos all thar each of us can do! but hearing or reading about many different ways sure ecnourages me to think outwith the box!

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Hello Caz

I totally understand all the comments re cognitive changes.

I was fortunate that my cognitive problems didn’t begin properly until after I stopped work (which was due to more physical challenges than mental). Fortunate in that I worked as a training and public sector consultant. I was able to speak and write well throughout my working life. I cannot imagine how you could teach or train with trouble finding the right words!

I did have a foretaste of what cognitive trouble I might face in the future when I started taking Avonex in 2002 (my first DMD). The day after I injected each week, I had severe cognitive problems. Talk about being unable to find words, I just simply couldn’t think. I forgot appointments (even with them listed in my diary). I couldn’t find words when speaking. I spent one whole day writing a training course and on rereading it the next day, I discovered I’d written absolute garbage. There was no leeway in the courses I wrote, it was writing training on specific legislation - there was only one correct way and what I’d written bore no relation to the regulations! I couldn’t even remember which control on my cooker was the grill and which the oven.

It was 4 months later that I decided not to take the Avonex in order to be able to explain to the neurologist what was happening. He (lovely Prof Giovannoni), told me that in very rare cases beta interferon can exacerbate existing symptoms. I had no idea then that I had any cognitive damage. Luckily I could stop the drug and so regained my senses.

That experience gave me an insight into possible cognitive damage. I’m lucky in that I’ve never experienced anything quite so bad again. But I do have problems finding words, sometimes it’s specific words that I always have trouble remembering. Other times it’s continuing a train of thought, so I get stuck midway through a sentence. Or fail to be able to add up simple sums. I have trouble following TV series (so I just don’t bother anymore). I can’t remember the plot of books I’ve read (and enjoyed). When I’m really tired, I just can’t think at all.

I don’t know why song lyrics tend to stay in my head, even flipping irritating ear worms. And I retain my memory of history (I’m glad about that!)

I have had cognitive tests several times in the past. Their value to me I doubt though. The trouble is that the tests are ludicrously easy. They seem designed to test your very short term memory and aren’t much good at variable cognitive problems either. Plus, once you’ve done a test, you know what’s coming up so you remember things without trying.

So for instance, one of the tests is to count backwards from 100 in 7s. I can do this quite easily. And having done it about 3 or 4 times, it’s very easy for me. Another is the tester tells you some facts and you’re asked if you can remember the details at the end of the test. It would test your short term memory, but not anything longer than about half an hour. It also isn’t very useful when your fatigue levels affect your cognitive abilities.

So when Ellie (Chocorange) asked you what you hope to gain from such testing, your answer may not be as well clarified as you’d expected. Basing career choices on testing that’s not foolproof doesn’t altogether make sense to me. The last test I did seemed to tell the neurologists that I had no cognitive damage, mostly because that day my brain was working and partly because I’d done the test several times before. (I’ve put it to my neurologist that these tests could perhaps use different numbers - apparently 7s are the most difficult to count backwards, so I suggested they don’t start from 100 every time! Good idea they said. I don’t think anything will change,) The very first such test I took did highlight mild cognitive damage, that was several years ago, I know I’ve deteriorated since then so being told the latest test showed I had no cognitive deficits made no sense (to me).

Norasmum have you an excellent answer, it really is so much easier to write rather than speak. Plus you have time to dig around in your brain to find missing words.

Best of luck

Sue

(Sorry, I’ve gone on a bit!)

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Hey Sue,

Firstly, no need to apologise, I found everything you have written really interesting and very helpful. In fact, everyone has been so helpful in knowing what direction to take next. I don’t feel the need to take cognitive assessments at this point anymore. Instead, it feels right to look at what I can do to help myself in the workplace by making adjustments to the type of tasks I am carrying out. It really helps to know what the tests involve, so thanks for sharing your journey with them; I agree with your questions about the value, all things considered.

This is such a lovely community, I feel very held and supported. Thank you, Sue, and everyone else!

Caz x