How are you? Or Are you alright? How do you answer? I usually opt for the standard Fine thanks, because I’m sure they don’t really want to know about my over active bladder, my unpredictable bowels, my rubbish balance or any of the other things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy! But, sometimes I am so tempted to snarl “I’ve got an incurable, untreatable, progressive illness, and get no outside help or support, so how do you think I am?” Maybe one day some well meaning person will get this response, and then I’ll feel bad and apologise for upsetting them! Hey ho.
I wish my family would accept me saying FINE - everytime I say that I get the response…‘and, how are you really?’. followed by a quote of the acronym for FINE…
F - frustrated or f***ked up
I - insecure
N - neurotic
E - emotional
Cxx
When I got asked this very insincere question by a call centre operative once, I told him exactly how I was, i.e. … “Well, I’ve just spilt from my husband of 25 years, my mum died two weeks ago and last week I’ve was diagnosed with MS … apart from that I’m OK! How about you?”.
How much better did that make me feel! I suggest we use junk telephone callers to our advantage!
Emma x
hiya
i tend to say physically goosed (but use a swear word!) but mentally good thanks!
if they are not really interested thats enough for both of us, if its a genuine friend then we discuss.
ellie
My normal reply is - could be better, could be worse. I could have won the lottery, I could be dead!! I’m somewhere inbetween!!
JBK xx
My response is…“still breathing thanks” Janet x
Depends who is asking: if it’s the polite, meaningless chit-chat of a spam phone caller who has prised me off the settee and massively irritate me, he’s likely to get a growl along the lines of “fine until you rang”.
If it’s a colleague, they usually get “fine, and you?” - they’re asking out of social convention so I’ll answer in the same vein. And I’m not sure which colleagues know - I know who I told and who my husband told (he works in the same office), but I don’t know who else either asked one of our friends who knows or just worked it out when I did a Cake Break last week (early because I’m not in at the end of this week). It’s pretty obvious I’ve got something wrong - I use a walking stick some of the time and I’ve got a pass for the car park outside our building - a rare thing, not usually granted to anyone below management.
If it’s my husband, sister or parents, they get an accurate answer, which ranges from “fine” when I genuinely feel OK through to a summary of what’s bothering me now.
I’m perfectly happy to give the the honest answer, but I often do it in a cheery voice - I like the contradiction of describing how my body’s messed up & not working properly, but doing it in a tone of voice that you’d normally use to say things are going really well : )
Dan
I like this thread. It’s something I think about all the time. Friends and colleagues usually get ‘not too bad thanks’ as I don’t want to bore anyone with my list of woes. Insincere cold callers get a cheery ‘I have an incurable, progressive neurological disease, how are you?’ (I always smile when I’m saying it, makes it much more effective). Family’s a tricky one because sometimes you’ve got to gauge whether they’re just asking out of a sense of obligation or if they actually want to know how you’re feeling. Often when I try to describe my symptoms I get blank looks because I can’t really explain them myself. That’s why I like this forum, people know what you’re on about . Interesting topic. I’ve enjoyed reading the comments.
JZ
I normally say, Absolutely…Average. That normally brings out a smile to everybody within earshot.
I once worked with a Psychotherapist and he always used to say that if when someone is asked how they feel they reply with “fine” that is always a warning to him they they don’t feel good. I tend to agree with him because if I don’t feel well and someone asks how I am I say fine but if I am having a good day then I reply “good thanks” so I am sure he was right, in my case anyway.
Shazzie x
Perhaps even worse is when they say “you look reeeeally well” (prob cos I’ve lost a lot of weight due to a PPMS/vigorous exercise combo, and go on the sunbed from time to time).
I usually respond; “Just wait till you see me walk. Still, viagra’s a blessing, just so rampant these days”. If female, this shuts them up pretty quickly and they suddently remember urgent business elsewhere. Blokes never tend to bother asking in the first place, but when they have tend to ask how £much and where from.
I’m not dx with MS but have been ill for many years. I usually use the “fine” reply, apart from very close friends/family who I know genuinely want to know the truth.
I love the cold-caller replies…am definitely going to adopt those!!
My friend has a great saying when anyone asks if she’s ok…she says “Still able to sit up and take nourshment!”. I love that!
My Dad always replies with “Oh, I’m blooming…{pause}…blooming awful!”
I, too, have found this thread very interesting. I never know quite what to say when someone asks how I am, but the last thing I normally want to do is bombard them with a long list of weird and wonderful symptoms and an explanation of how difficult my life is and what a struggle every second of every day is! That’s why I resort to replying with “Fine, thanks” most of the time.
On a few occasions, I have said something along the lines of “Well, I’m still here so that has to be a bonus!”.
These responses have been really interesting. I love some of your replies to the question, how are you? Another one I like is “Well enough to complain!”
I do the “physically in a shocking state but emotionally fine” like chocorange. Sometimes people probe and sometimes they just smile. I think I prefer it when people don’t probe because it is depressing/boring to describe the things that are not working properly with my body. I have had one or two people (who I’m close to) saying something like “physically I’m fine but emotionally I’m a mess” in reply.
" Not bad, all things considered. Hey! It could be worse".
Tracyann x
It depends who’s asking and how polite I’m feeling
I love this thread!
On monday I went to see the neurophysio. As she saw me stumble in, pronounced foot drop, pain face and I looked like I hadn’t slept for a week, the physio said calmly “Do I need to ask how you are??” As we walked down the long corridor(she walked, I clunked along with my arm crutch) to the treatment room I replied “Have you seen the original version of ‘Charlie and The Chocolate factory’?” She nodded “Well, you know that bit where all thegolden ticket holders are excitedly waiting at the gates of the factory and Willy Wonka appears… shuffling awkwardly along with his walking stick but then all of a sudden, tucks and rolls into a forward roll and spritely stands up to and adoring crowd?” She nodded and we continued to slowly amble our way along the corridor “Just watch me… Anytime now, anytime… wait for it…I’m going to tuck and roll.”
Nah
I didn’t
But I did get a splendid foot splint out of it…
Asher x
Asher - your reply made me laugh out loud! I’m usually in the ‘I’m fine’ brigade. Have about 7/8 people who get the full picture - hubby, sis, besties, colleagues who double as friends. The poor people - must dread asking! Closest colleague also has health problems so we (jokingly) compete as we compare symptoms and pain levels - as well as sharing painkillers!
Hi, Love some of these replys, Mine is ’ good thanks, woke up again so thats a bonus’