Don’t worry, Tracey, I’m not sure why I came across like I’m trying to defend her, really. I accept it’s not malicious, but this is just the latest in a long list of thoughtless and disappointing things, going right back to when I’d first been diagnosed with brain lesions, and she said: “Oh, but you mustn’t worry, I’m sure it’s nothing!” How could lesions in my brain be: “nothing”?
You see what I mean about childlike? I’m sure there’s no malice in it, and she thought she was supporting me by being positive, but it seemed to me like denying the bleedin’ obvious - there was me, needing a bit of support, and she’s denying there’s anything wrong, and saying it’s nothing. I knew by then it definitely wasn’t nothing, even if it didn’t turn out to be MS. My neuro was down to that or a couple of worse things, so short of finding he’d been looking at the wrong scans, I wasn’t ever going to find out I had “nothing”. Just an absurd thing to say.
Then when I finally got diagnosed, she promised she was always there for me, and so I asked to see her, and she offered a date in six weeks time! We were supposedly “best” friends, back then, although she doesn’t live nearby. But I should have seen the writing on the wall when someone’s “best” friend is diagnosed with life-changing illness, but she can’t find a spare day for six weeks. If it had been the other way around, I’m sure I’d have said: “If I can clear it with the boss, I’ll be there tomorrow or the day after.” Not: “Hmmm, I’ll check the diary. I see there’s a slot in six weeks?”
When we finally did meet, she was surprised I wore nice clothes and makeup, and didn’t look suitably ill enough! And when, less than two years later, I lost my job of 23 years (unrelated, but another blow), she asked if I’d had a nice summer! Yeah, just great - I’m on my own, seriously ill and now have no job - how much nicer can it get? Then, recently, we had the: “Dreamt you’d died.”
I’ve just found myself storing up resentment over all this, and had to conclude she either isn’t my friend, or is really thick. Even assuming it’s the latter, and she can’t help it, it’s not something I feel able to deal with. I’m needing support, and instead getting someone who babbles on about: “Have you had a lovely summer?” after I’ve just lost my job, and asks: “Are you alright, 'cos I had a terrible dream you’d died!”
Talk about sublime to ridiculous! “Are you having a lovely time?” to: “Just checking you’re not dead.” Neither is at all helpful. And I’m sorry for diverting this thread, but the: “Annoying stuff people say” theme always calls her to mind - for obvious reasons.