You’re looking well… does anyone else get this comment??? Everyone knows in my work that I have MS, I thought it would be easier in my job, rather than them keep asking me what’s the doctor saying about your legs, when i’m having a bad day… or when I stop dead in my tracks when I’m talking cos I cant think quick enough for my next word, think this is probably the amitriptyline 50mg I’m taking… makes me really dopey…Anyway back to “you’re looking well”… I’m not, can’t go for a pee when I want to… feel absolutely knackered, cant go up the stairs, have difficulty opening things, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc… where shall I stop… But NO I dont tell them this, because they dont understand MS - some in work dont want to understand it, but some people do, very supportive and still treat me like the old me but at the drop of a hat would offer me support… Just wondering if there is anyone else out there gets the same comment… really find this difficult to answer, do I just say yes I’m fine OR thanks OR not really OR try and spend a day in my life OR ??? Thanks for taking the time to browse
Hi, I know it’s irritating when you feel so blo*dy awful, but how would you feel if people said ‘Oh God you look awful!’.
I think people are just being kind. I always remind myself of how I was around people who were ill and / or disabled before I had MS. I never really knew what to say and would usually say ‘you look well’.
Also even I’m shocked when I can feel so terrible and look in the mirror, and yes, sometimes actually I do look well.
I say ‘thank you’ or sometimes ‘thank you, I wish I felt it’… but I do try and keep in mind that people are just being kind and often don’t really know what to say.
you will get used to it, it used to annoy me, but these days i look as ill as i feel, and thats even worse, i love it when someone tells me i look well,because it doesnt happen, all i get now is people saying you look so washed out
Thanx for ur lovly replies… you’re right when you say its nice they say I am looking well, they could say I look like shit, which is how I feel most days… someone did say yesterday to me when I was on my way to physio oh you look really tired and that was a day when I’m made an effort to have a shower, wash my hair and put something nice on, why did I bother !!!
Oh yes, I know what you mean, “you’re looking well” used to bug me too. I’m with Pat on this one as I had quite a period when several people said “you look awful” to me, which is even more difficult to reply to. Now, when someone says “You Look Well” I usually reply with “Oh that must be a good thing then” and smile. I think that is a non-committal kind of answer that the other person can make of what they wish.
I used to think they were being sarcastic, or just stuck for anything to say, but I now realise it’s one of the strange features of this illness that you can look fine, whilst feeling absolutely dreadful.
It can be frustrating that other people’s perceptions are so much at odds with how we’re feeling inside. But on the whole, I’m glad I don’t fit people’s preconceptions of what a “seriously ill” person should look like! As others have said, I think it’s preferable to be told you don’t look ill, than that you do.
I’m not a believer in going round in sackcloth and ashes, to demonstrate how ill I am. If I can pass without anybody guessing, I’m pleased.
Hi, I always make an effort when I go out, with my clothes, matching accessories. I give folk my thanks if they say I look well.nice. But I always think to myself,
Cant they see my baggy, tired eyes?`
Maybe not, eh?
I find that this the best way. The people that matter to me all know, as for the rest, well they are just being polite and I am polite back. It is just one of those things that people say, like “how are you?”, they don’t really want you to tell them, so it is just being polite to “fine thanks” and leav it at that.
Hi, this used to really annoy me, then I was reading a copy of MS Matters, a lady who had MS for sometime had done an interview, when anybody said to her, “oh you’re looking well” her response was, well at least this awful condition doesn’t show in my face, that’s how I feel now, like someone else has said, I’m not going to let myself go just because of this, in fact I’m more likely to make an effort, take care, Jean x
Don’t be too hard on people, they can’t fix you and they don’t really know how it feels…all they can do is try and pay you a compliment and be positive.
Look at it this way, before you had your ms symptoms…did you give a shit about MS? Because I didn’t.
I saw your post before but wasnt sure how to answer to be honest but FrostPaw has summed up what I was thinking. I was paid a compliment today-from someone that knows re my MS and alot of how it affects me. I accepted graciously as I was feeling good after my Peristeen this morning (they didnt know and didnt need to know what goes on behind-every pun intended-the scenes.) They didnt need to know it had taken me ages to get my make up on etc-they were simply being genuine and I suspect would have commented MS or not. Sometimes we expect too much from others. How can they possibly understand us when we dont understand ourselves most of the time?! (strange and weird symptoms are often describled by US on here so no wonder Mr J Public doesnt understand). Take care-be easy on yourself.
It’s nice to get a compliment, although it does grate a little when it is said in a surprised tone - I always just smile and say thank you, if somebody takes the time to tell me I’m looking well, I think they’re going out of their way to be nice and I appreciate it.
I have a lady in the village that always says how well i look last time i saw her i was seated and had just stumbled across the hall , knocking over a ladys goods on her stall as i took my seat, then my lady came in telling me i looked great - she said she always knew when i wasnt very well as she could see it in my eyes, the lady on the stall that id just walked into was in fits of laughter and i was finding it really hard to keep a straight face. when someone tells me how good im looking i just say- fab thats the look i was going for. i like it its nicer than hearing- you poor thing, life must be a real struggle for you- which is what i constantly hear from one person- i swear she has a funeral hat ready.
Sometimes people just don’t know what to say, so they use a stock phrase which is positive and friendly. I try and assume they are nice people, and are pleased to see me and want to say something nice. But they don’t know what to say. I don’t always manage to feel so friendly myself!
I am usually taken aback and tend to feel like they think I’m making it up and am jusy lazy - all that rubbish! People I know well enough I try to say ‘looks can be deceptive’ with a wry smile. Or something like that. The last time someone said that to me I was so knackered I couldn’t get enough energy togther to say anything!
Some of the chefs i work with are prize idiots. I am fed up with explaining how my ms affects me. It really winds me up when one in particular tells me I am lazy, or I only work part time so I should work harder. If I was feeling better I would take him outside and punch his lights out…but then I remind myself that he is a pratt lol xx
My Sister and my Dad say I look well whenever I see them. They don’t seem to try and understand although they seem to think they do. If I look OK they think I must be OK. Can’t be bothered to put them right anymore.