This came into my thoughts yesterday, actually I nearly got caught . For years I have had to suffer my husband’s friend and his wife, but because they wish to persue things I can no longer can manage like going away for a weekend to a cottage, which doesn’t help my MS due to not having proper heating etc. But the truth being I see it as a get out claus as I dont want to be there and its the coward’s way out rather that saying really had enough of your bad mannered behaviour.these two are really rude, and te rest of his friends agree but put up with them
Yesterday sister-in-laws friend came round with her new babies, now I dont like holding babies, never have not very maternal ,they scream as soon as i take them, probably know this woman doesn’t want to hold me , but yesterday was asked do you want to hold them, said no due to MS and holding things properly, yes it is wrong and guess will never go to heaven, but has anyone blamed their MS for getting out of something.
due to my current speech and foreign sounding accent when asked diections recently i mumbled efaristo poli-which is thanks very much in greek-but they gave up!
i just smiled cos i was larking about with my recent difficulties!
other than that,no i dont use ms as an excuse-i state facts rather than make excuses. re the baby thing-i am going to be a gran later this year and its fact that i cant hold a baby-not an excuse. i twist the facts to suit myself re how ms affects my abilities-playing games with my own mind! i prefer to think that i CHOOSE not to do something rather than letting ms ‘win’. it saves on many guilt trips…
look forward to reading other replies!
ellie x
ps re my new grandchildtobe-i can inhale its aroma and someone else can hold whilst i oooh and aaah!
I had to laugh at the “excuse” thing. My husband was the life and soul of many social events - but if he got it into his head that he didn’t want to go, then he would excuse himself with any manner of reasons (and this was pre MS!). We used to joke that he only got MS to give himself a valid reason for not going to certain events - and certainly it was used in his repertoire of excuses to not attend things! He used to hate offending people - so if certain people invited him out, MS would definitely be the excuse he would use! (ie the wheelchair’s not too good on uneven ground - despite the fact he used to go through the woods with it, or “Samantha can’t manage feeding me, herself, and coping with the kids” - even though I did it daily at home).
(By the way, most of his good friends knew his excuse making, so I’m not sure why he just couldn’t say no…it was a habit I think!)
Invited to a Burns night reeling party - said sorry i can’t dance (it’s the sort of do that everyone will be up dancing so I would be billy no mates on the side, and it was quite expensive).
Sometimes use it to get away early from something - just say I have to conserve my energy!!
I don’t drink very much so usually drive. When I don’t drive people try to get me to drink more - say I can’t because of my MS drugs!
(know iti says on the packet to avoid alcohol but a little doesn’t matter)
If you’ve got MS how can having it be a ‘Guilty Excuse’ for not doing something you don’t want to? If you didn’t have it there would be no confidence issues,so if a person didn’t fancy wading through baby sick,drinking a months ration of booze in an evening etc, then they would have to tell the truth,or lie.
If you didn’t have an association with MS you wouldn’t be reading this,and if I didn’t I’d probably be freezing my nuts off doing something ‘heroic’ in Birkenhead.More likely to be asleep infront of the telly on the Fire Station.
Ellie,you and your half of the species ‘Massage the Truth’ with or without MS,especially if chocolate, shoes or handbags are involved.Is this what you were looking forwards to?
if it involves chocolate then yes-shoes and handbags? would rather pull my toenails off than give them any more than a fleeting thought massage the truth-love the expression!
I worry if I start making fake ms excuses for why I can’t do things the real ms will suddenly perk up and become a reality why I can’t do them…so no, I tend to force myself to do stuff I’d rather not, because I never know when I won’t have the option any more.
This year I went to Cyprus, for the first time ever I got in a wheelchair and was trolleyed about airports like luggage. Hated it, but I did it anyway, I know my partner needs a holiday and she wouldn’t go without me. After the holiday my partner said she was afraid every day this year on the run up to the holiday I was going to cancel it. Made me realize why I did it was important, even if I didn’t want to.
i rarly use it, if im being lazy or dont want to do things i will just tell people straight always have always will lol im too shamless to make excuses for being lazy
er…yes. Guilty yeronour. I’m going to have to think about assistance at Heathrow on the way in to the UK. I can’t stand for more than 10 minutes without my right leg going stiff (MS plus a meniscal tear). Not looking forward to that one bit. I’m with you FrostPaw. I hate the thought of having to get assistance. I’m fit and healthy but can’t stand for long due to that damn knee and the MS.
never used excuses,if i dont want to do anything or cant do anything,i just say so…doesnt make you very popular, bit i dont really care.you have to look after yourself,because no one else will.
have read ur replies and have concluded that honesty is the best policy BECAUSE if we want to help people understand about us and/or ms then we have to be truthful to ourselves as well as them. otherwise it MAY be concluded that people dont believe what we say. how can they tell the difference re real struggle to do something and an excuse to get out of it?
Was talking about the weekend when I went for my morning swim. One of my friends came in and she had to cope with her mum being really ackward and she was ready for bursting, within five minutes we had her laughing, yes in some cases honesty is the best policy, however the two people that I told a little white lie to are not good at taking on honesty, the first my husbands friend is the most ignorant man that i have the misfortune to meet, hubby is quite happy to be in his company, me life is too short.What boys weekends are for.
Second sister-in-law is just a bully, even hubby is aware but needs to be in her company when he visits his mum. The last time i said to her that she should not treat her mum and brother(both in wheelchairs due to health) I was called a f@@@ bitch, so now I go into her company for the sake of hubby but dont make an effort any other time, life is too short etc.Plus it would upset mother -in-law ,
PS regarding MS my mother in law used to sit on the appeal boards for DLA, so she is pretty knowledgable, she one described MS symptoms that some of us suffer, to be told by her daughter that she was talking rubbish, I did butt in at this time and defended her stating if anyone in the room should know it will be me. I have found some folk get it and others no matter what you do or say .So in my case will be still usng the little white lie.
No, never used it as an excuse and I am determined not to. If the reason I can’t or don’t want to do soemthing is genuinely MS related then fair enough, but I won’t use it as an excuse for something I could actually do.
I want people to take me seriously and would hate them to suspect I wasd crying wolf.
i understand what you are saying and why. no-one can experience the situation you describe except you.
have read on here frequently of folk losing friends cos they have ms and this both hurts me and confuses me. the opposite has happened for me-i have more than ever.
i have 3 brothers and one sis and we have never fallen out. honesty has gone a long way to achieving that.
you take care and do what you have to to be happy today-one day at a time eh?
I definiely don’t go out on social occasions unless they are ms friendly, I suppose I am missing out but know I won’t enjoy anything that takes place in the evening, where there is too much sitting, walking oh and standing. Basically only go out with close family and ms outings.
I spent many years doing things to keep people happy but am choosy about who I spend my time with, don’t blame you, as you know that you won’t enjoy the break and why should you do anything that will make you feel uncomfortable.
Never been a selfish person (except in my teen years) but do tend to think of myself a lot more these days!
Have lost folk who dont seem to have a bit of understanding , but i guess would have lost them anyway, ironically can be more direct with own family and yes they do get it. Sister a few years back had me waiting for 40 minutes told her cant do it any longer now she is on time which totally amazes my brother and hubby as we use to say she would be late for her own funeral.