I was invited to a McMillan coffee morning today, in a lovely new flat in a former Victorian Lunatic Asylum, which has by all accounts been very beautifully and tastefully converted. I accepted the invitation, but then my husband, who would have had to take me was delayed so I couldn’t go. I sent a message apologising. Then I looked on Facebook and saw the hostess had posted several pictures of the event. Everyone had taken their shoes off, so as not to mark the lovely new light beige carpet. I’m so glad I didn’t go, somehow I don’t think my wheels would’ve been welcomed on that carpet. If I’d left the chair outside and staggered in on crutches I still wouldn’t have been able to take off my shoes at the door. 1. I can’t balance so any attempt would’ve ended in disaster and 2. I wear foot up foot braces on both feet, which I can’t wear bare foot.
I’m so glad I didn’t go. I would’ve felt embarrassed and a little humiliated.
There is no reason under the sun why you should feel humiliated, they should be ashamed of themselves for making such stupid rules. In fact as it was for charity they should realise that there are others who suffer in different ways and make allowances.Put it to the back of your mind, their rules are not worth your time, after all it’s their loss.
Omg Flowerpot. I can only put myself in your shoes (wheels!) how awful. I am constantly bothered by the marks left by wheelchair wheels. And to be invited somewhere where your wheels have to be left at the door is just wrong. Not to mention the fact that essentially you can’t walk without your shoes / foot-ups. Did the person who invited you know you’re a wheelchair user?
It’s crap being this disabled. And it’s double crap being made to feel bad because of your disability.
Feel glad you didn’t go, but if you have any kind of a personal relationship with the person who invited you, then tell them how it’s made you feel if you can.
Never said there were “rules”. Perhaps people just removed their shoes themselves when they saw the new pale carpet. If I’d gone, I would have turned the tables and pointed out that they hadn’t made allowance for the wheels so I’m assuming they’ve got the carpet sorted?
It’s not always about rules. It’s about how crappy it makes you feel, leaving marks on carpet behind your wheels. Equally about how you always need to check up in advance to ensure they know you’re a wheelchair user and that there is access, not to mention whether there’s a loo!!!
Thank you all. Yes she does know I use a wheelchair, this is the same person who six months ago invited me to a retirement do at a venue where the function room was upstairs and no lift. I couldn’t go to that so I got a consolation prize of lunch out with her and one other former colleague, where I paid over the odds because they were drinking and I wasn’t, but there’s just tough. I’ve been promised another lunch for a catch up as I couldn’t make the coffee morning.
I’d checked about access but not the loo, I didn’t intend staying long enough to need it just in case!
I don’t see it as a deliberate slight, just rather thoughtless, and yes, it is about the way I feel about the restrictions MS places on me. It is crap!
At the moment the way I feel about lunch is at best ambivalent. We’ll just have to wait and see.
She sounds totally thoughtless. I’d be tempted not to bother with lunch either. It sounds like your consolation ‘prize’ is something best avoided if it’s just going to cost you a lot and maybe not be terribly enjoyable. I know it’s rubbish having to have our friends think about access, grubby wheels and toilets we can actually use but it’s kind of essential. I’ve got some of my friends trained now, they consider access & loos before suggesting lunch etc. I’ve even had one friend consider accessibility when she went on a weekend away in Andalucia just in case I wanted to go there!
You could try explaining to this woman how it makes you feel, but that’s sometimes hard to do.
i have encountered similar issues but dealt with it differently (am not saying its a better way!) but one i can live with.
i attend local temple. ideally shoes are removed. impossible for me. i am wheeled in on manual chair or use powerchair.onto the clean and polished laminate floor. initially i found this hard to get my head round-what about mess/dirt from wheels but i was told by those ‘in charge’ that is how u move /mobilise so its our job to clean afterwards. i am very aware its hard thing to get your head round but they are right! they welcome all into the temple and all means just that-all!
we worry too much about what other folk think-please dont. this ms malarkey is bad enough to cope with without us adding guilt!
i would have went onto the carpet and been ready with my explaination as to why! i know this is because of my experience at the temple.
an alternative would have been to have someone/anyone with you to reinforce why u were going onto their carpet-which could have been cleaned btw.
as u know i have often said the way to coping with this ms malarkey is keeping mind strong no matter what challenges body is giving you-this is an example.
i also attended a macmillan coffee morning. they had to open side door which had ramp access to let me in-no hassle.
I’m don’t mean this in the wrong way, I don’t know the person so just bear with me?.. People often are thoughtless, but this is just because they don’t know a persons situation and it would not occur to them to ‘think’… not necessarily. It’s just because they don’t know, not because they’re being mean on purpose. And this person invited you knowing you’re a wheelchair user so maybe she just didn’t care about the wheels on her carpet! Sometimes people could benefit from a gentle push in the right direction, to be able to understand others.
Being newly diagnosed and totally ignorant of MS up until a few months ago I often think to myself I probably wouldn’t have known what to say or what to do if I was in some else’s shoes, or i just plain would never thought about something.
I’m looking from the other side of the fence as I like to be positive and always wish for the best in people.
P.S If she really would have cared about your wheels on her new carpet, I agree, she’s not a friend!
She does sound a bit of a Hyacinth Bucket. I hope that somebody accidentally dropped sticky chocolate cake into her lovely new carpets (after she had taken a lot of money for MacMillan of course - I am not a complete beatch)
