It has been a long time since I posted on the site, and I would like to apologise to all the people that I had got friendly with for just disappearing.
I am going through a really difficult time at the moment. Everything is getting on top of me, and I don’t know how to cope with it all. In to the bargain, I have been in touch with someone looking for a relationship with me and I don’t know when would be the best time to tell him that I have PPMS.
I haven’t met him yet and there isn’t any way that I could hide it as I use crutches. So for me I am considering just letting him down gently and telling him that I am not interested, so that I don’t have to tell him anything at all.
I would love to be in a relationship with someone as I haven’t been for quite a few years now, and I don’t want to be left on the shelf.
So could someone please give me some advise on when should I tell him.
Hi Jen, sorry to hear you are going through a rough time right now… hope things pick up soon.
I think letting him down gently now would be a mistake… you’re not giving him a chance… also the poor bloke will probably keep wondering what went wrong… how he had put you off.
Of course there’s no way of meeting him without saying something as you say, the crutches can’t be hidden.
I think at first you shouldn’t say it’s PPMS. Let’s face it, hardly anybody knows what PPMS is (I certainly didn’t until I got it). I gather you’re in touch by email? I think you should write something like:
'Before we meet there is something I need to tell you. I have MS. Lots of people get the wrong idea about MS so it would be nice to tell you more about it… if you’re interested. It does mean that I use crutches. Let me know if you’d still like to meet up and I could explain more then."
Something like that. Then Jen, this is hard to say, but prepared for the fact that he might not be interested at that point. He might have all sort of pre-conceived ideas about MS… let’s face it, lots of people have. On the other hand, he might be someone who would love to meet you and is prepared at least to find out more. He might also have experience of MS. Who knows? But at least give him the chance to decide.
IF this relationship doesn’t get anywhere, have you thought about the dating sites for disabled people? There are a few out there, and also some to the big dating sites have a section for disabled people. Much easier I would think meeting someone who already knows you have MS and possibly has MS or something else?
I know how lonely things can be with this damned MS and wish you lots of luck Jen. Hope things work out with this man but if not, don’t give up!
I was very moved by your post. My advice is: tell him! People can be surprising. Give him the chance to meet you - the chemistry might be great. I can’t put it better than Pat already has done, but I completely agree with Pat - if you let him down gently, you will never give him the chance to show his best, and you might miss out on a really fantastic relationship with a lovely man. I know it takes a lot of courage to overcome your concerns about this situation, but I would say: be courageous! You have nothing to lose and may gain something beautiful.