My best friend has decided christmas is his choice of time to walk out of my life. No explanation. Just silence. So I’m now fighting to stay cheerful to try and make it a good christmas for my daughter. All I want to do is talk to him. There was no argument , no clues. I just feel like crying. I know there is no answer but its helped just writing it down. Its so hard trying to act normal. Daughter is 14 but she doesn’t cope with stress. She sees a councillor at school twice a week. She was self harming. She’s not self harming at the moment but my friend has been so much part if our lives and my daughter loves him too. I’m worried about how fragile my daughter is too. We normally see or hear from him everyday but we haven’t even had a card. I struggle with my hands , fatigue and a dodgy leg and strange balance. My dr and the neuro keep telling me to get my daughter to help, she does help with changing beds and grocery shop, and forms but I really don’t want to put on her more than that. I want her to be teenager not a carer. Think I’ve let everything out. That helped. Now to look forward to the new year, whatever it brings Thanks Lynn
My best friend did that to me in may i found out that it was because she was with my ex that she had been after for a while im sure he will be ok with u theres probably an explanation have u tried to phone him? Send him a nice text maybe x
I agree with Catmummy, there’s probably an explanation. Send him a nice text or even sit down and write/type him a letter telling him how you and your daughter feel.
Hope he gets in touch with you soon. Hugs. xx
Oh dear Tonka. What a rotten thing to happen at any time, but Christmas makes it even more so.
Now about your daughter having to help you…it could be a good thing to stop her self harming…but what about asking for an assessment for Direct Payments? I use this to pay for outside carers, as my main carer is my hubby and he has pretty bad arthritis in his hands.
Of course he does still have to help me a lot, but the carers do give him a bit of a break.
luv Pollx
Hello Lynn
I’m sorry to read about your best friend walking out on you. Its seems very unkind of him to leave without giving an explanation. Could you contact him and ask why?
You really should be letting your daughter do more. I was doing a lot more than that when I was the same age I
What I did for my mum, taught me how to keep my own home and be a mum to my children…it will be good for her.
Take care, xxx
Hi, thanks for the replies. My daughter and I are hopefully going to do tea together each night, her preparing the veg for me. Don’t know about my friend. He’s not replying to texts, answering phone or anything. I suppose what will be will be. Lynn
Hi Lynn,
I notice you do not describe your friend as your partner. Not that there’s any reason you should - if that’s not what he is. However, at this time of year, “friends” often come second to family obligations, or family problems, or both. Does he have no closer attachments, or blood-ties, that may explain why he’s not available for you right now? Could there have been some sort of family crisis? Not that that excuses not even sending a text to let you know what’s up.
He is a poor friend if he would cut you off without saying a word. You cannot force somebody to be friends with you, but if he’s decided to call it a day, you at least deserve to know where you stand, even if you don’t get any better explanation than the old: “It’s not you, it’s me”. If he couldn’t even manage that, I think you’re better off without him, to be quite honest. There are people who try to behave decently, even in the social minefield of trying to tell someone it’s over. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound as if he’s one of them.
I don’t want to add to your worries, but is there any possibility he’s ill? Do you have mutual friends who would have told you if he was? Could he have been affected by the gales or flooding?
I realise I’m probably just making excuses for the inexcusable. It doesn’t sound very likely anything would have happened to him, and you didn’t get to hear about it somehow.
How long before Christmas did you last see or hear from him?
Has he done something like this before, or am I mixing you up with another poster?
Tina
x
Hi Tina, you’re quite right , he has done similar before. He was fantastic when I was first ill and we were going to get a place together. He took my daughter and I to euro disney and lots of other places. When I got my diagnosis he moved from where I live and I changed my mind set to think of him as a friend not partner. if he spends time with his mum he feels guilty about upsetting her. She doesn’t like me. His aunt is also very ill with ms so I can see that he maybe doesn’t want to be my carer. My daughter likes him a lot. He helps us a lot. Lifes a bit tougher without him but I think we’ll manage just fine. He’s been in touch today saying he’s at his parents house, his family and they’re happy with him there so that’s where he’s staying.
Hi Lynn,
Sorry, would have replied sooner, only I tried earlier and lost it. 
I thought the scenario sounded familiar, but didn’t go to the extreme of trawling through your past posts to check, as that might have seemed a bit stalky!
I think what made it memorable from before was this picture of someone who’s like a bf - and yet not.
I think that may be the whole problem. If he does NOT view this as a romantic relationship, and you and your daughter as ‘family’, his blood family will always come first - especially at times like Christmas. From his perspective, he’s not in a relationship - and, at some level, you acknowledge that, because you don’t refer to him as your partner - so I suppose he thinks he’s not doing anything wrong.
This is someone who reacted to your diagnosis by moving away, and abandoning plans to set up home together. If it had only just happened, I would be saying it might be shock, and he needs time to adjust to the news, and perhaps he’ll think again. But it’s quite some time ago now, isn’t it? He seems quite happy with things as they are, and hasn’t had a lightbulb moment that he’s done a silly thing. It seems, for the time being, everything is on his terms. I bet he gets attention from you whenever he wants it doesn’t he? I bet you never say you’re busy, or it’s inconvenient? But he doesn’t accept any of the responsibilities of a real relationship, such as thinking he should include you in his Christmas plans, or even tell you what they are.
You say in the past he’s been “fantastic”, and “helped you a lot”, but perhaps it’s time to make clear he can’t keep having it both ways - playing happy families whenever it suits him, but apparently not feeling his Christmas is anything to do with you. “Fantastic” half the time is no good. I can understand how distressing it must be for both you and your daughter, if somebody you’d thought was special blanks you, for no apparent reason.
Do you think he might have met someone? It’s not in the same league, but I had a friend who did similar. One minute interested and concerned, then silent for months. This pattern repeated several times, and I always worried I’d said or done something to upset him. I eventually figured out the silences were whenever he was seeing someone new. When she dumped him, he’d be in touch again as if nothing had happened.
Not saying that’s what’s going on with you, but just a thought. From your point of view, there seems to be no trigger for the sudden distancing. But maybe there is a trigger - it just isn’t you? Does he pull away when he thinks he’s spotted a chance with someone else?
I know that’s not a very nice explanation, but if true, at least you could drop the soul-searching about what it is you’re supposed to have done. Perhaps you’re right when you can’t think of anything, because it wasn’t you?
Tina
x
Thanks for replying. Hadn’t thought that there may be someone else. I’m probably really naïve. When he disappeared in the past I kept my distance when he came back, but then he had an incredible knack of fitting in. Knowing what I needed and running my daughter around then when he’s gone I’m stuck and really miss his company. New year new start again! Happy new year to you. Hope it’s a good one. Lynn x