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wanting to meet new circle of friends with MS

Hi, I am new at this so a bit nervous. My husband has MS, he has had it for many years and never come to terms with the fact that he will never be without this dreadful disease. He tries extremely hard but the last few years has left our relationship at the brink of falling apart. Not only has it robbed us our social life but it has left us both bitter and angry with eachother. Old friends are still around but I feel we have nothing in common with them and feel that nothing ever goes wrong in their lives and they dont understand the massive stress that we live with every day. Not only have we got money worries, we have all types of personal issues that make us extremely depressed. I say us because it effects my whold life too. I cant do right for doing wrong and would love to leave sometimes just to get a chance to live my life but I am haunted by all the past that I have with my husband and just would be so guilty to leave. Im not sure that he would though.

I would love to talk to someone in the same boat as my husband and I and maybe get him some friends with something in common. Would there be anyone who would like to befriend us ? Shelley n Brendan

Hi Shelley, just thought I`d be the first to reply to you. Welcome aboard this rocky ship hun!

I`m not in exactly the same boat as you and your OH, but am stuck with an incurable condition which is similar to MS. Hubby is my main carer and I do have 3 others. Without these 3 lovely ladies, our marriage of 42 years, may not have survived.

It is a struggle to be nice to each other when some times are more fraught than others.

About our friends who let you think life is a breeze for them…I doubt it is hun, they just dont mention the bad times.

luv Pollx

Oh dear Shelley, it sounds like you both need some support at the moment, and I think it’s a really posistive thing that you’re asking for it.

Do you have a local MS Society group? I know that at mine, several partners of PWMS also attend. If you’re not sure where it is, or if there’s anything else available in your area, I’d highly recommend calling the society and talking to someone. It’s also probably worth having a chat with your husband’s MS Nurse, as they often have a good idea of what is going on in your area, and will have seen this many times.

As Poll has said, your friends undoubtedly have their own issues, they’re just different to yours.

Having said all that, maybe you need something just for yourself too? Caring for someone can be incredibly stressful, but everyone needs a break at some point. Is there anything (hobby/interest) that you’d like to do?

Mags xx

Is there a ms therapy centre near u? I know noone with ms i go to a ms therapy centre once a week and pay 5 pound to sit in chamber for a hour having hyperbatic oxygen treatment with 5 other people with ms while the friends/family members have cake sausage rolls hot drinks and a chat while yhe chamber is in use and they wait theres a huge support network think it would do u good and the treatment may help his symptoms x

Hi Shelley, you can always post any problems that you’re experiencing on here, and it’s almost guaranteed that someone can give you advice or support. Welcome aboard!! Xxxx

Welcome Shelley & Brendan, It’s a good sign that you are both involved with the forum, it will give you both an outlet to vent your feelings. Having a partner with MS is not easy, I know I drive my hubby mad at times and visa versa and you so obviously love him or you wouldn’t have stayed with him foR as long as you have. Don’t give up now, there are respite places where he can go, or you to relax and find your old selfs again. It is very hard to accept but you are both the same people you, we’re when you got together, trouble being MS seems to be winning. Please fight back, I know it takes patience to let things ride over you but don’t give in to this awful disease. I really hope you both find your way through this bad time. All best wishes Janet x

Thanks to everyone who has answered back to my message. You have all been very kind. I have just been referred by the doctor to social services to get some help for Brendan and myself. We have kinda coped up untill now and I wasnt aware that there was help untill it got so bad I went to the doctor feeling stressed. He was really good and i felt shocked that someone was actually going to help us. Brendan is extremely stubbon but we both know whats around the corner. We have kids and granddaughters that keep us going. Thanks again xx