Hi, today I have being doing to much thinking! Before my MS diagnosis 7 years ago I was confident and fit,doing work that I loved and knew I was well respected in my field, enjoyed life,was fit and felt attractive. With increasing disabilities I no longer feel or am this.At one stage I felt that my world was my oyster and that I could do anything I put my mind to. I know I am suffering a bit with the poor me syndrome but wonder what dreams you have lost and a bit of an ego massage!
I honestly thought I’d continue to advance at work, have lots of friends, meet a long-term partner, start a family of my own …just everyday stuff, really !!
Well, MS seems to have put paid to all of those things, so I’ve had to re-assess and now have very different goals.
What I now consider to be achievements wouldn’t have even registered with me a few years ago
i’d been about to start working towards a cert. ed. to progress as an NVQ assessor, i didn’t focus on my education in my youth (god, just putting it like that makes me feel ancient, i just had a ‘notable’ birthday in february, yuk!) so i was really happy to already be working toward one career progressing qualification and heading toward starting the degree i should have done decades earlier when…MS and, kapow, it’s all gone. i fell into a pit of nothingness really. then i had another health issue in 2012 that nearly killed me, it acted like a huge kick up the jacksie and i realised how grateful i was just to be alive. last year i went to my amazing/beautiful daughters wedding to a wonderful man. i feel lots of happiness, laugh a lot and have very different view of my life now. it’s bizarre to be happy to have had a life threatening brain bleed (now sorted) but i am. odd how it’s worked out.
i hope that you find something that helps you feel more positive too, just something that isn’t at all dangerous,
In lost in limbo at mo. I left my husband had dreams of meeting someone then ms struck and I don’t know if it’s fair to meet someone and have them know I’m in pain. I’ve been asked on a few dates but don’t have the confidence to go I wanted to resume my career, take care of my children. And have fun Just now I’m just lost.
I finished the academic stage of training as a solicitor (what used to be called Law Society finals) and did a post grad diploma in medical negligence. I’ve never practised, and know I never will, now.
I’ve recently had a former work colleague (not law) get back in touch from over a decade ago, suggesting we meet. I don’t think it’s a date in the romantic sense, but I feel worried I’m really boring company, as I don’t work or do anything now. We are defined so much by what we do, not who we are. I’m worried I won’t have anything to say to him.
My mum said: “But you’re well read, you’re well-up on current affairs; it won’t be a problem!”
But people still want to hear about what you do, not what you’ve read recently! I feel like a complete lame duck of a date, even if it’s not really a date. He’s not a judgmental person, from my memory of him, but I still worry he’ll think: “Oh dear, what a sad loser she turned out to be!”
The only thing I do is one afternoon a week Art History.
I’m sure you’ll have plenty to say tina. I know it’s easy for me I feel the same. Except in my case it’s kids, dogs what else is there to say. I’d like to date but getting energy and the courage. And I know it’s stupid but not being able to wear heels really gets to me. X
To be honest I never really had any big dreams/aspirations, and never knew what to do with my life. It’s only recently, over 10 years since diagnosis, that I’ve started to dare to dream. Before MS I was always fit & active, but obviously would never have thought I could compete at the Olympics. But last year I was invited to a trial with the GB disability shooting team. I didn’t quite make the grade,but if I did there could have a real chance of going to the Paralympics. Or before MS I would never have considered learning to fly, but I’ve been shortlisted to win a scholarship to learn to fly. I think getting MS has given me a wake up call, and I’m very glad for the support of people who’ve helped me see what other possibilities there could be now.
Rose117 I was dx 11 years ago. I changed jobs pre-ms as I knew I was ill & couldn’t do my old job. I felt that this is it… Just stick in this job. After 10 years of ms, I thought ‘sack it’, I can do more. Over the last 12 months I have done much more at work including presentations to over 1500 people throughout my area with lots of travelling. I have just passed a test to prove my ability to work at the next grade up at work and want to now aim for promotion. I had self doubt for a number of years but now think ‘what can I do rather than what can’t I do’. Things are hard and may get worse, but that’s unknown so I won’t worry about it. Regards Neil
I logged on here, as usual and saw 'unachieved dreams/ aspirations. Like many, I’m sure, mine were shut in a box and locked away. Like the saying goes, " Out of sight, out of mind. After all, what’s gone is gone. There’s no going back".
Should I venture to open that box again?
I’m very much on the same boat as Tina. Thankfully, I don’t live in the same area that I grew up, but, if i did, I know that those who met me would be in shock that I didn’t end up doing the great things that seemed, at the time, to be my destiny. There is no question that I stumbled repeatedly along the way.
My A’ Levels- stumbled. My degree- stumbled. My career- stumbled. Promotion- stumbled.
So many great things were expected of me. After all, I was “Boff”- the really clever one!
By rights, I should now be a Consultant Neurologist- eminent in my field… Oh, the irony!
In reality, I’m a former Business Analyst with 17 years experience. And, now a full time wife and mother.
All that said, since my official diagnosis in June 2013, I’ve definately, adopted a different perspective.
None of the pomposity, formality and pressure of a career really matters. What really matters to me now is staying as fit and as healthy as I can possibly be.
Don’t get me wrong. Medicine will always be in my blood. But at least I get to play doctor looking after the health of my family. I always ensure that the GP is heading to the correct diagnosis and my face is never far from a medical text book. I haven’t got it wrong yet- thankfully.
Personally, I haven’t given up on getting to Everest Base Camp. I’ve just got to persuade my husband that we can still climb those heights safely.
Never give up. Never give in!
My mum said I need to get hobbies. But what my writing got affected. It frustrates me it’s not so neat and tires my arms sore after. I can’t run. I gave up my dance school. My baby makes me so sore. I read lots of dinosaur books to my 4 year old and today I did stencils. I guess I’m at the lost phase. Like a railway train steaming out of control and I’m a passenger that really wants tl get off and have my feet firmly back on the ground. Left my husband the week before my right side stopped working. All in all where do I go from here. Having had a phobia of war since I was little I’m now fascinated by it and watch geographic/history channel a lot. I’ve made new friends since the attack, you find out who are friends. Got a wedding 3 weeks time same day as sons birthday not sure how that will go. With drop foot (well it’s not dropped now but doesn’t like lot of shoes) what to wear. Where will I find the energy. Then the following week my daughters first birthday. Ah I don’t know. X
life is constantly changing for everyone. i think the way to cope with that is to be the same! try not to be too focussed on anything but be flexible. of course have goals and dreams but prepare to be flexible.
i wanted to be a vet-was a nurse instead…had 4 kids…worked in/managed a local coffee shop, volunteered for various things etc etc but BANG a huge attack 18 months ago from which i have never recovered. suddenly life changed drastically! no job. no car. instead carers and powerchair are part of my life.
so i had to review-big style! so nowadays my daily goal is getting washed and dressed-which i have failed today as still in goonie but will try again tomorrow…carers will be here. i am writing a book! i have no sight in left eye, right side is so weak (i cant write) but i have found myself a scribe-she comes to my home weekly and listens to my ramblings-my speech is affected too and i WILL do it.
what i am trying to say is be flexible/adaptable within ur capabilities and think outwith the box if need be. dont be too hard on urself recalling what life used to be like cos thats pointless as its changing for everyone all the time. sometimes we are our own worst enemies-we become bitter and twisted (yes, i am talking from experience-i didnt like myself so why the heck would anyone else?!)
we all just want to be happy and loved dont we? the start of that is to like/love ourselves-the rest will follow…
gosh-thats turned into a bit of a rant! my apologies-but its written from the heart.
take care, make those dreams/wishes happen-u can do it!
Hi, I expect we all have the
what if question, which raises it`s head now and again.
Only yesterday I was saying to my carer, that I wondered where and what we might`ve been doing, had this rotten so and so not invaded our lives.
Hubby and i were keen motorhomers. He did some relief manager work on a site a friend had. I was simply a meeter-greeter, due to my beginning ms like problems.
We were both in high level jobs, with good prospects and loved what we were doing, but the call of the great outdoors drew us away. We spent many lovely hours touring and visiting places we fancied living, as campsite managers.
You have to be fit and well an very active to look after a campsite/caravan park.
s probaby where we wouldve ended up…far away from where we live now.
Ah well, never mind, can do sod all about it, eh?