lost all my energy

I was diagnosed last year. Having a rough time at the moment. At the end of last year I promised myself 2014 would be better. I’ve had some rough times this year with a mixture of things going wrong, in work & everyday life.

On my days off I want to do something to make a difference in my life, but I constantly feel down or just no energy, I end up just watching TV & doing nothing. I hate feeling like this, I want to snap out of it & get some motivation but I don’t know how.

I live on my own, which doesn’t help & lost a lot of contact with my friends. I don’t even know if any of this is MS related.

I feel like I’m waiting for my life to start over, I know only I can do that, I just don’t what to do to help myself.

As anyone else felt like this or is it just me blowing things out proportion

Hi Minnie (…hope it’s OK to call you that ?!),

Bless your heart …it’s tough enough having MS without beating yourself up mentally aswell !!

In terms of the universe, you’ve only been diagnosed a few nano-seconds so please allow yourself some more time to get to know your instance of the condition, and learn what you can or cannot physically manage nowadays. You’ll soon see that your limits have changed markedly. (It takes some time to figure out your ‘new’ limits …especially if you were quite physically active before diagnosis.)

As time goes by, you’ll become more familiar with what now makes you tired/fatigued and you’ll be able to manage your time/effort better to accommodate these new restrictions.

It’s very easy to carry on believing your physical limits haven’t changed, and consequently ask/expect far too much of yourself. A recipe for failure and anger at yourself.

Please go easy on yourself !!

(By the way, several posters have mentioned that ‘friends’ disappear quite quickly after diagnosis …so it’s not an uncommon thing these days!!)

Best wishes,

Dom

Hi Minnie,

I do think this is a common thing, and that yes, it’s all related to the MS.

Before I was diagnosed, I spent many years wondering if I had a character defect: chronic lack of ambition/motivation. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just buck up and get on with things - my house was more of a mess than it used to be, my work backlog kept getting bigger, I stopped shopping for non-essentials - no longer wanting to go out to have a look round and try things on - and that sort of thing.

Yet past achievements were just not compatible with the notion of a “lazy” person - I had got a degree at night school, whilst working full time. I didn’t understand how that could be, if I was fundamentally lazy, as it’s certainly doing it the hard way. So there were a lot of unexplained contradictions.

Unexplained, that is, until I was diagnosed with MS. The light dawned that frustration with myself for being “lazy” might really have been frustration with being ill. But because it was very slow, and crept up on me, the thought it might be chronic illness had never really occurred to me.

I honestly thought I could - and should - snap out of it, so I blamed myself. At one point, I was even diagnosed with depression - which may or may not have been true, as it IS a possible symptom of MS - but also chronic MS-related fatigue might easily be mistaken for depression. Although depression IS a recognized illness, there’s still a lot of stigma goes along with it, so I still believed it was my fault, and that I could get better if I tried.

It wasn’t until I saw the lesions on MRI that I finally realised this wasn’t laziness, or even a psychological problem, but I was physically ill, with damage to prove it.

I can’t ever know how different life would have been, or how much more I might have achieved, if I hadn’t been ill for - I now suspect - years.

But yes, I often start the day with all good intentions, but end up basically frittering and snoozing it away. I can no longer remember waking up refreshed, and ready to take on the world. I always feel as if I’m trying to do everything with flu’ - i.e. just about managing the essentials, but not much over and above.

I’m sorry this is more of a: “Yeah, me too” than any constructive advice. There are drugs to counter MS fatigue ; however, I am also an anxiety-sufferer, so my neuro counselled against them, because they are stimulants, so might exacerbate anxiety. I do wonder if I should have pressed for them anyway. I’m not sure if writing something off as unsuitable without giving it a go was the best thing.

Tina

x

Thank you Dom, I think I am putting too much pressure on myself. I’m single, 32, live on my own, hate my job, want to move to a new area. I do want it all to change over night, meet someone, get a new job and move house, I know it can’t change over night. Just wish o knew how to make the first steps.

Reading your message Tina, is like reading my own life. I’ve been feeling this way for years, yes I was only diagnosed last year but it turns out I had my first attack of MS back in 2005, when i was 23, so I guess what I was feeling were symptoms to the MS. During the years I put my tiredness down to my stupid shifts at work and maybe I was just a lazy person.

I don’t want this for my life. I do want to meet someone, my job feels like its going backwards as I have no support. I want a fresh start, do something I want to do and meet new people. On my days off I have every intention at looking for a new job, but I find myself making excuses not too and I end up watching the TV, doing basic housework, I rarely leave the house when I’m off work. If I have plans then I’m fine, but making plans with my friends has become hard work so I avoid it.

How can I get out of this horrible rut I’ve got myself into?