Hi, this is my first post and not sure if it is what people want to hear. My husband has Primary Progressive which ha taken him from me in just 2 years. He isn’t dead yet but it won’t be long now, because of where his plaques are (right frontal lobe) I lost the man I married a while ago, something unexpected and hard to deal with, a bit like Altzeimers I think only he has just turned 50.
My reason for sharing is that I had a dream last night and woke up with a poem about loss and grief in my head. While sad I feel it may give partners and family members a bit of comfort. I didn’t expect MS to take my lovely husband so quickly, I was prepared to have home in wheelchair for years and that was something I felt I could manage well enough. The personality changes shocked me to the core and his confusion and memory loss is tragic in such a young man. Here are my thoughts on what is happening to us now.
I dreamt of death and loss
Of rot and the passage of time.
Then a breath and we were coming together,
To renew and remember.
You were a child and a lover,
I was a mother and a man.
The loss, the grief, oh God how I cried!
A breath and you were there;
How I wanted to touch you, hold you
But it was not allowed,
As if protocol kept us apart.
A breath and all seemed clear
A fog lifted and you came into my arms.
I held you as if to never let you go.
You were whole and healed and lovely.
There were gifts of never to forget
Tokens of memory to keep and cherish.
A breath and you were gone;
I woke, trembling, feeling my surroundings
Not wanting to feel the misery of grief
And the ache of being alone
Then I realise, I need no gifts or tokens to keep you
For you are in my heart and you make it smile.