Hi all, Had a nice weekend meeting up with the parents, couple of nice meals and walks around Malvern but one thing my Mum said has really annoyed me… she thinks my fatigue is just a case of “not wanting to do it or that I cant be bothered” then I give up!!! We were talking about how now that I am working full time that sometimes when I get home I just sit down and am too tired to do anything, sometimes even cook dinner for me and my husband…she was disgusted that he may have to actually cook for us!!! She then went on to ask “Is it more of a case that you don’t like doing it or that you can’t be bothered?!!” She also didn’t believe that some nights…especially later in the week that I go to bed at around 7pm…exciting life hey?!! Anyway…I can laugh about it (a bit) now but was quite upset by it yesterday. Thank God my husband is rather more understanding!!
It’s good that you can laugh a bit now.Over the years,on Ye Olde Boreds,on here and through personal experience SOME mothers feel guilt for a child having MS.This may manifest in various ways and your Mum may feel responsible that Himself has to cook.That may be purely a generational thing.
Sometimes a mummy feels lots of guilt,doesn’t feel able to discuss it with anybody, but it is there, even though there is absolutely no reason for it.Sometimes mummy eventually blames the child for making her feel guilty.I think this relationship is ‘sharpest’ towards daughters.Fathers don’t seem to have this guilt,but they don’t have that nine month bond.
Dunno if this explanation is correct,but it appears to make sense in some cases,but maybe it’ll mean that when your mum is being curt, you understand why and can ignore her.
Blimey emya!! If your mother met me she’d probably faint from shock at the lack of things I do lol. Bless mum’s, you can always count on them to push the right buttons…my mums an expert. Laugh it off, I’m sure it won’t be the last time…she loves you really.
My mum has just stopped speaking to me, it all stemmed from her being told that she would be getting to make no descisions regarding my illness, i have a mrs for that! Needless to say she wasn’t happy, she also can’t talk about it and if she does she has me a dribbling mess and in a wheelchair.! So frustrating!!
Hi, I’m glad you can laugh about it now. I think wobblyboy gives an excellent explanation, I have had some terrible comments from my mother in the past, I’ve had ms for years now though and I know how to deal with her now. This sounds terrible, it’s not really meant to, over the years with ms my mum has been the best person at helping me and also the worst, does this make sense? Regarding the meals, is there anything you can do there to make life easier for you, how about a take away night at the end of the week, so no cooking involved. Cheryl:-)
My mum tells me that my fatigue is boredom and that I need to work more ! Bless her!
If only hey Tonka!!!
Maybe batch cook meals and freeze them? I often do that, makes life a lot easier.
I am sorry your mum does not understand about how you might feel. Is she online and can look up what MS is about? Could it be that she does not understand the difference between fatigue and just being tired? I feel a great deal of guilt about my daughters MS as even though they say it is not hereditary there are some genes that can be passed on, there is also a link with migraines (which I get) and I wonder if maybe it is my fault she has it. I sometimes get short tempered because I feel so guilty and see her looking so ill and frustrated that I can’t make her better but so far have not taken it out on her and I hope I never do but sometimes I can get carers fatigue (which makes me feel guilty as well), I am so tired worrying, so tired of being scared, so tired of this stinking disease and what it is doing to her but I still remember it is her going through this, if I am tired she is so beyond that and scared witless. Lx
Oh lindylou we mums never stop worrying do we, no matter how old the children get. It’s not your fault…try not to think like that, you’ll just make yourself ill. I know what you mean though and to be honest I’m glad it’s me that’s got the ms and not my daughter…,I’d probably be thinking like you. The important thing is your there for your daughter and that’s wonderful. All the best to you both.
We talk a lot about people dx with MS being in denial, but say less about our nearest and dearest being in the same state. If someone who loves us just cannot deal with the fact that we have MS, then it is rather natural and human for them to pretend to themselves that it is all nonsense really, and that it would all be fine if we stopped making such a silly fuss.
It is vexing but true that the person with MS is often the one who has to be the most grown-up about it all - trying to be understanding about our loved ones’ distress, however infuriating the form in which that distress is leaking out! - while also learning to deal with our own feelings. Such is life, alas.
Hi, I half expected you to say that it was your mum-in-law who said it, not your own mum.
because our in laws are more likey to comment on how we are looking after their little boys!
But, no, it was your own mum and I think it is very hurtful what she said. It could be a case of ignorance about how MS affects anyone…so yeh, she needs to swot up and that. Why not politely get some MS literature in her house.or even get some delivered to her house!
Do you know, if it
s not one thing, its your mother, eh?
Thank you all for your, as ever, excellent responses!! :0) Alison, I totally agree that we have to deal with our families issues about MS as well as our own…sometimes it’s not easy!! Right, I suppose I had better get of the sofa and make Dinner!!! :0) Have a good night all…I will mostly be cooking…!! lol x
Well I hope hubby does the washing up. Thats only fair if both of you are working full time.
Unfortunately your mum is probably of the opinoin that cooking etc is womens work, and that your job is second place. Just grin and bear it hun - your hubby is more understanding and thats the important thing.
Bad mothers hiding behind the (mis)conception that all mothers are good simply because they’re mothers!