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Support/Advice please! Caring for mum

Hi everyone!

I could really do with someone to talk to. I am 18 and I’m going to university soon, but I also look after my mum who has had MS for 24 years. In the last few years she has gone very downhill and is in a wheelchair nearly all of the time, and falling more frequently when she’s not. We are having to build extensions and adapt our house so she can stay downstairs but the whole process is really stressful. I’m really struggling to come to terms with things, and it’s really bringing me down. When I am at home, I do a lot of things for her to make life easier, and when I go out I constantly worry about her. She is also becoming more and more negative and sometimes what she says makes me feel a lot worse. I’m feeling really alone and would be really grateful to talk to someone about things, or if anyone can suggest somewhere I could get support, I would be thankful.

Hello Shananigon97, How are yer ? Sorry to hear about your mum. This is the place for advice etc, and to vent. Some very helpful bods on here, but not so much myself. I specialise more in stoopid really, but welcome! Ask away, someone’s bound to have been there and has a snazzy T shirt. Where/what you doing at uni ? That I have a little more knowledge in… take care, Andy

Hi

You have a lot to deal with for someone so young.

I think you need not only emotional support but some practical help as well.

A good starting point is the MS Helpline - 0808 800 8000.

I wish you all the best not only in finding a way forward with your present difficulties but also for your studies at uni.

Anne x

Is there anyone else at home? If not does she have a social worker you could contact? As Anne says contact the MS helpline I’m sure they will be able to guide you.

Beat of luck at Uni.

Jan x

When you get to Uni, see if they have a pastoral care or student support team, I think you may get some help there. You should inform the Uni of your exact situation, I’m sure they will do anything they can to help. Maybe there’s someone on this forum who is now at Uni and can tell you something of the kind of support they offer.

Ben

Hiya

You sound very worried about your mum. It sounds like you love her a lot. You must try to carry on with your own life and it would be good to get your mum help from other means. (If this is not already happening).

Have you chatted with your GP about your worries? GPs have a lot of clout when it comes to getting practical and emotional support for both you and your mum.

I’m sure your mum is very proud of you and proud of you for going off to uni. This will be something positive for her to focus on.

I have had MS for 10 years and I know my sons and hubby worry terribly about me. Our GPs have been a massive help to all of us and I hope you can get the same from yours.

Remember. We are all here for you to chat whenever you need us. ((((Hugs))))

Shazzie xx

Hi

As a full time Carer for my husband your message made me want to contact you. I am registered with a charity called South Lakeland Carers (based in Kendal, Cumbria) who are my safety net and who look after me - the Carer -. Please contact your local GP who can point you in the right direction what is available in your area and never be afraid of asking for help. Our local M.S. Group have regular meetings and I know my husband looks forward to them, is your Mum able to attend anything where you live - meeting new people, sharing news etc. Again when you go to Uni. get any help you can, you have your whole life ahead of you and there is light the end of the tunnel - you just need to find the switch!!! Anne x

Hi, I really think you need to get your mum assessed by social services asap.

I get Direct Payments to pay for carers. My hubby was doing it all himself and refused outside help.

Well it`s just over 4 years now, since I took on3 lasses to help us…one is my sis.

Hubby is more than happy now.

luv Polx

Hi there,

As a carer for my husband you really must let Social Services know your situation. They can assess and even get Occupational therapists involved in your mothers care for equipment to help her. My husband had a tri walker and that progressed to a Rollator then a wheelchair. Everything is there to help.

Also a physio can if possible visit your mum at home if she is unable to get to them.

Do you have an MS nurse for your mother? They have a lot of knowledge and can point you in the right direction or even refer your mum to different people.

Hope this helps a little don’t try to take it all on yourself as you wont be any use to yourself or mum if worn out … believe me i know

Caz