Hi,
First of all, Iām sorry about your diagnosis.
But secondly, although your friend (possibly now ex-friend) had no right to repeat to the boss something that youād told her āin confidenceā, Iām afraid bad news does travel fast, and once youāve shared a secret with anyone, youāre accepting the risk they may or may not keep it to themselves. In this case it seems your confidence was misplaced, although it does look as if your friend was probably acting from the best of motives.
Iām assuming she did not know you had fluā, and from her perspective, one minute you are telling her youāre having a hard time with the MS, next thing, youāre off sick. Iām guessing she wouldnāt know it was a coincidence, and would assume the two things were connected? So she may have thought she was being protective by putting your boss in the picture.
Iām not saying that makes it alright, and that it shouldnāt still have been your choice. But whatās happened has happened, and thereās no going back now.
I suppose you could have denied it, or just maintained a dignified silence. Really, unless the information came direct from you, your boss has no business listening to office tittle-tattle that might or might not be true. However, in your place, I probably would have felt the need to clarify the situation too. If you said nothing, he would have been left in the awkward position of knowing, but only unofficially, since it didnāt come through a verified channel (You!).
I do personally think itās advantageous for work to be in the picture - whether or not it came out in the way you would have chosen. Apart from anything else, you do know it gives you certain legal protection from discrimination automatically, regardless how ill you are, or may seem? That includes the right to have āreasonable adjustmentsā made to your work, to accommodate any difficulties you may be having (it doesnāt mean you must have adjustments, if you donāt need any, neither that youāre entitled to any and all you might think of - āreasonableā must be reasonable ON BOTH SIDES - i.e. it will take into account the amount of expense or disruption to your employer, to do what you ask - if itās minimal expense or disruption, itās more likely to be āreasonableā than if it would involve redesigning a whole building, for example).
It also means your employer cannot act quickly to dismiss you, on grounds āit will only get worseā. You are protected from the moment they know, whether or not youāre visibly disabled, and whether youāve been off sick much - or at all.
Some symptoms of MS could be mistaken for a drink or drug problem, or just poor attitude (e.g. difficulties with memory or concentration, failure to shoulder as much work as previously). So, in that respect too, itās probably better for work to know, so that any difficulties are not recorded as āperformance issuesā. I found even the stress of diagnosis meant I was getting a bit absent-minded, and had trouble focusing on the job in hand. Iām not sure any of that was directly attributable to the MS itself, but pretty common for someone who has a lot else on their mind. I felt, at the very least, work needed to know Iād had very profound personal news, and wasnāt just asleep on the job.
So Iām sorry if I sound like Iām joining the chorus of: āItās for the best.ā I think it probably is, in the long run, but that doesnāt mean I think you shouldnāt have had the choice over when and how to break the news. Does your friend know you feel your confidence was betrayed, and you were robbed of choice?
Tina
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