Some Wednesday Funnies (Tyronerose)

Sister Mary Catherine Sister Mary Catherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, ‘Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you wish, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.’ Sister Mary Catherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, ‘Sister Mary Catherine, you have been here for 5 years. You are allowed two words.’ Sister Mary Catherine said, ‘Hard bed.’ ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ the Priest said, ‘We will get you a better bed.’ After another 5 years, Sister Mary Catherine was called by the Priest. 'You may say another two words, Sister Mary Catherine. ‘Cold food,’ said Sister Mary Catherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future. On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Catherine into his office. ‘You may say two words today.’ ‘I quit,’ said Sister Mary Catherine. ‘It’s probably best’, said the Priest, ‘You’ve done f*ck all but moan since you’ve been here!’ --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unanswered Questions Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to? Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours? Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway. Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? **************************************************************************************************************************************************I Didnt Know this did you… Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips? THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS. NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED. SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS… THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN. THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS. YOU DIDN’T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU? –