Forum

short breaks for someone on their own with MS

I am lucky that i can still survive as I have savings and my husband still works, we have a holiday booked for later on in the year , however husband has an extra weeks break for a golfing week, and he called last night (he works away) to ask if he could go a guys weekend in Berlin, I did go beseark as i dont go anywhere cant work anymore and do volunteering to stop me getting bored and in the reply was he always wanted to go there but couldn’t . stopped there but i could fill in the gaps and say because you will hold me back. So I was thinking of telling him to get stuffed and i would go a long weekend away on my own, I can still manage a small suitcase , has anyone got any good ideas I think it is now dawning on him that i am restricting him and he doesnt want to admit it .

The girlfriends that i have live the high life and i no longer can cope with this.

My son is far better at getting my MS

MS robs you of so much

I am going anon as i am really embarressed thought he would not ever do this after 26 years of marriage

Er, sorry, but why shouldn’t he go on a weekend break to Berlin if you can afford it?

The truth is that having a partner with MS does restrict possibilities and it doesn’t seem fair to me that they should have to miss out: if they have an opportunity to do something they’ve always wanted to, but they can’t do it with us, why shouldn’t they do it alone or with friends?

And if there is something you always wanted to do, but he doesn’t want to, why not do it on your own or with friends? A weekend at a spa? Gambling in Vegas? Driving around the Lake District? It might take a bit of planning, but there are plenty of places that are disabled-friendly so there’s almost always a way. In fact, even some of the places that aren’t disabled-friendly are possible: my sister climbed Machu Picchu last year; one of the women in her group was a wheelchair user - she used a scooter and made it the whole way with a bit of help from the guides.

So maybe climbing mountains isn’t what you had in mind, but I bet there are loads of things that you could do instead.

Karen x

Karen

I am aware that he needs to go without me but two holidays i am afraid looks like the beginning of the end I dont have an issue going away once a year for a break on his own and he doesnt have to cart me along but two i am afraid is taking the piss, will take into consideration your lake district idea.

Sorry, but I agree with Karen. I don’t think a week away and a long weekend away are excessive or indicative of the end of a relationship. My hubby has more than that and we are very happy. In fact he may well be off to Australia without me, as I can’t take the heat anymore. I’m fine with it. But then, I don’t feel like he “carts me along” when we do things together either. MS does stop us doing some of the things that we used to like shopping in Paris every Spring, climbing mountains every month and basking in Greece every year…but so what ? We changed our plans and are finding new things to do together and I accept that sometimes he wants to do things that I can’t. Am I going to stop him enjoying himself…am I hell as like.

I don’t want to seem like we’re ganging up on you (I’m sure we’re not!), but I think your reaction is a little disproportionate.

TWO holidays without you is “The beginning of the end”? Why? I’m sure lots of couples where chronic illness isn’t a factor for either of them spend more time apart than this!

Do you actually want to go on a holiday by yourself, or is it just a fit of: “I’ll show you!”?

If it’s the latter, then I’m afraid that’s probably not the right motive for going on holiday, and you could end up having a miserable time by yourself. I’ve been on holiday by myself since diagnosis, but it was the type of thing I’d always done from time-to-time, not to tell anyone: “Stuff 'em!”

I think you’re either the type of person who enjoys solo holidays, or you’re not. If you’re not, then doing it just to prove a point probably isn’t going to help you enjoy it any better. Only go if it’s something that genuinely appeals - not just to thumb-the-nose at Hubby.

Tina

x

My former wife always expected me to ask her permission for things. Why? She wasn’t my keeper.

She omitted to ask my permission to have an affair with her boss and to take a holiday with him. Actually, it would have been a good idea I think, so she might have asked. I’d have been happy!

I’m afraid I’m in agreement too - I don’t see that it would be the beginning of the end and I don’t see a reason for him not to go but then we don’t know if you have other issues. It is easy to assume MS is at fault but would he have wanted to go anyway? If the opportunity for a lads weekend in Berlin has come up, it would have come up with or without MS. It’s only a weekend…

Mr Val used to go away and I was quite happy with that - we had different interests but it didn’t mean our marriage was at risk - quite the reverse.

It sounds to me, first and foremost, your using your MS as a reason for him wanting to go away, not the fact hes always wanted to do it… If he said that he always wanted to do that, then let him. Doesn’t he deserve to have a break away with the guys, its not like he does it every month?

The way I see it your MS is making you lose self confidence and you doubt your husbands love for you. I’ve had those kind of thoughts and feelings before which is sadly due more to my upbringing than anything else. It also sounds like your depressed, maybe at not being able to do the things you could before.

I think you should speak to your GP or neuro (or even your MS nurse) and ask to speak to someone. I know in my area (Glasgow) we have a neuropsychologist who will be better placed to understand why you feel the way you do. If there isn’t one in your area even a counsellor might be able to help. I really do think you should talk to someone though.