Last Monday husband took a call on the land line from a lady claiming to be from Microsoft, and telling him the call is about the problem with our computer. This subject comes up frequently on our local radio and seems the scammers try to obtain personal details from you and relieve you of your money. He curtly told her she was not from Microsoft but was trying to scam him. He told her where to go. The second word being Off.
An hour later there is another call from the same number. It stopped before he could get to the phone. I told him I would take the call next time. Sure enough, it came about half an hour later. I said Hello a couple of times but there was a lot of background noise and no connection. Next time I was really annoyed as I had just started to nod off in the chair.
I answered, and when she began to tell me she was from Microsoft and there was a problem with my computer, I said āah yes. You phoned before, didnāt you?ā. She didnāt reply but started on about the computer again. I donāt know where it came from, but I suddenly raised my voice and accused her of having an affair with my husband!!!
After a stunned silence on other end, I repeated it. āYou are, arenāt you?!ā in an angry voice. She sounded most indignant and tried to protest. I heard " I most certainly am not!". I wouldnāt let her talk before finishing off with telling her to stay away from my husband and not to call this number again!
My husband was almost on his knees, crying with laughter and disbelief at what heād just listened to. Oh boy did it feel good!!!
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I used to get similar calls from people claiming theyāre calling from TalkTalk. One time it was the best phone conversation Iāve ever had. It went like this:
Lady: āIām calling from TalkTalk, you have a problem with your router.ā|
Me: āNo I donāt , this is a scam.ā
Lady: āNo, the reason I am calling is because it is the anniversary of my uncleās death, and you remind me of him.ā
Me: āā¦ā
Me: āIām sorry for your lossā
Lady: āThank you for making me feel betterā
And then she hung up. I wanted to shake her hand for having the balls to say that! I wonder if it was something she planned to say for a laugh, or was spontaneous like you. Made my day 
I feel really sorry for the people calling though, it must be such a soul destroying job, getting stick even when itās not a scam. I heard a monologue once by a call centre worker, saying how rubbish she feels when people have a go at her. Iāve been on the receiving end of calls from angry customers, and itās not fun! So on the odd occasions when I make a complaint, I always make it clear to the person that I donāt have an issue with them personally, itās the company Iām directing the complaint to.
Dan
i get a lot of calls claiming to be from BT.
i moved to virgin 3 years ago.
they say that my broadband will have to be discontinued.
i pass the phone to husband or one of sons who have no qualms at using the fā¦ off phrase!
the only time i tried to say it myself, i got a call back immediately say āfā¦ offā in my voice.
they had recorded me and played it back!
it tickled me so i went from fury to hysterical laughter!
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I had a recorded message two weeks ago, same thing, your broadband will end on Sunday blah blah. So I phoned my internet provider who said it was a scam. My favourite story is a chap who kept getting repeated calls to get new patio doors. Weeks apparently this went on. So in the end he agreed and said āsince you are so persistent I will have a quote as I canāt get you to go away any other way.ā They visited him and the window man knocked on the door to say 'I think there must be a mistake Iām here to measure up for patio doors, Thatās right said the chap only now you can see I live in a fourth floor flat with no patio! Nitwits.
I used to get calls 30 years ago from a local firm selling conservatories/new windowsā¦ That was til I told them I live on the 9th floor of a council tower block!
Never had one since, I wonder why? Hehehe
Car insurance callsā¦ Iām calling about the recent car accident you had
I told them it was all my fault, I didnāt know why Iād done it but Iād been out for lunch and had a lot to drink, then thought Iād be fine to drive home. Can you imagine how quickly he put the receiver down?
Best suggestion Iāve heard is āWho is this? this is a crime sceneā¦ā They hang up pretty quick if you try that one out!
When I used to get calls offering me new windows/kitchen/loft conversion I would tell them "Iām OK thanks, Iām a window fitter/kitchen designer/builder myself. But next time Virgin call I hope my wife will use Poppyās brilliant technique. A.
I actually emailed the radio station and told them that the scammers are still hard at work. I briefly told my story. The presenter replied and asked if I would talk on the air if he called me. I gave my phone number and when he called, the first thing I asked was, āyouāre not from Microsoft are you?!ā. It was a fun chat that made his day he said. I wonder if it made the lady from "Microsoftās"day?!
I had a call from the Blithering Tarts the other day to tell me (in a recorded US accent for some reason) that my broadband was being disconnected the next day. I should press 1 if I didnāt want that to happen and 2 if I was happy with losing my broadband connection. I pressed the red āend callā button instead. Our broadband comes from Sky. For some strange reason, it wasnāt disconnected. Very odd.
And Iām fed up with having been in an accident that wasnāt my fault! Iām an accident magnet it seems. Weird since I donāt even drive anymore.
And pressing 9 to be removed from their call list doesnāt work. They just change their phone number.
Poppys answer to an actual person was brilliant. Next time I get called by a real person Iām using that.
Sue
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My mate, no joke had a phone call from āYou have had an accidentā. He replied āYes I have, I was scratching my arse cos Iāve got piles & a car hit me from the back & its broken my finger how much is that worth?ā Needless to say heās been blacklisted.
Funny.
I used to sell advertising so am never horrible to cold callers , just give them reasons not to call back.
Computer problems - no computer or no electricity!
Kitchens/windows - just spent Ā£xxxx on new kitchen/new windows.
Cavity insulation - no cavities (true, old stone house).
Or just have a strange conversation with them telling them how I donāt get out much and how lovely it is of them to call for a chat.
Even heard my daughters giving some good excuses too.
Being nice means they donāt wind you up and you donāt get stressed
Jen x
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Oh I donāt get stressed Jen and i WAS being nice! ! It provided me with entertainment for a while and the radio presenter too. And the listeners. I would have been cross and stressed if Iād struggled to get up from my chair and shuffled across the room with my walker though. The phone was next to me and I was just playing. She wouldnāt like me when Iām REALLY angry. Miss Microsoft got lucky!
Well done, you.
A friend of ours responds to such calls by putting on a throaty, dirty-old-man voice and enquiring what the caller is wearing. Works like magic, he says.
Alison
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my mum used to work in her friendās clothes shop
every day at about 3.00 pm thereād be a call from a man, gasping and wheezing - they assumed it was dirty old man.
mum was getting wound up by it so one day the call came in the morning and mum answered it.
she told him exactly what he was, then what would happen to his penis when the galloping knobrot set in.
the wheezing got worse until the shop owner came back and took the phone from mum.
it was her husband having an asthma attack!
poor mum was mortified and her friend actually wet herself in hysterics.
me and my sisters were really proud of her because we never realised how many bad words she knew.
of course i donāt know any of those.
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When I get a call about my PC problems , I say I use a Mac. But I think Poppyās response is genius
Mick
And when your friend gets a call from someone who actually likes his dirty old man routine?
Then heāll have to change his number.
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Our phone number is one digit difference from āHair of the Dogā, a dog grooming palce locally. We had some poor ole dear phone twice, saying āshe just needed to get Billy a trimā. Had the devil of a job persuading her it was a wrong number!