Hi, I’m new here hello to everyone.
My wife has secondary progressive MS. Over the last year I’m finding her character has changed so much.
Crying at the smallest thing , shouting the next. I understand it’s frustration her abilities have declined a lot in the last year .
We seem to bicker a lot and she gets so angry at other people.
I love her to bits it’s just exhausting for me at times.
Is there anyone out there that feels like this I feel so alone .. no support groups as we are very rural.
Thank you
Hi @wilsonshirley40 I’m the one with MS in this marriage but hope I can be of some help.
I know that unfortunately MS can affect those parts of the brain that control/influence emotions. In my case that means that slightly embarrassingly I find myself crying my eyes out at emotional , sad or happy parts of films. Embarrassing but no real problem but I know also that MS can have a direct impact on feelings of anger.
Do you think that your wife is aware of what is happening- to her emotions and if so could she discuss it with you and with her MS Nurse ?
When i was first diagnosed I knew that I might struggle with depression/ anxiety . A common condition for people with MS either because it’s a basically worrying and unpredictable thing to have and would be difficult to deal with for even the strongest of minds or again, MS can sometimes affect those parts of the brain that control such things. So I started taking anti depression/anxiety pills- Citalopram. Do you think that your wife could benefit from some antidepressant or another?
I also got my self some counselling to help work through my feelings , shock etc of the diagnosis. Years later I got some more counselling when my symptoms became more significant/ restricting. Do you think that your wife would be open to counselling ?
I think that one thing that might of helped my general mindset after diagnosis was reading a book and now comprehensive website ‘ Overcoming MS - learning to live well with MS’. It’s has lots on diet, exercise and mindfulness and gave me a feeling that in addition to the prescribed Disease Modifying Drug there were things I could do to help myself- gave me a feeling that I had some control of what happens to me . I’ve no idea if the diet etc actually has made a difference but it’s the feeling of doing things myself to help preserve my mobility and reduce the impact of MS that are really important for me.
I’ve never joined any of the local MS groups but is this something that your wife has done and would be useful? We are relatively rural but there is a group that meets in a pub/restaurant for general chats, Coffees, cakes meals etc every few weeks. Might give you a bit of a break from the build up of bickering?
I hope that something in my ramble above is of help.
2 Likes
Very much so. I don’t know how to help, as I am in the same situation, but from the forum seems this lashing out is very much more common than anybody is admitting.
So the other big problem, is that demyelination in the brain is causing cognitive loss and whether anybody accepts to call it that or not, this is dementia. I don’t know if that applies to your wife or not, or if you have said that out loud to yourself. It took me until one of our friends took me aside after a games evening, and even then I couldn’t use the word dementia, too painful. We are in our early fifties. But none of the medical professionals are flagging it, although it should be obvious to them.
I have no idea where one can say depression/frustration ends and dementia frontal-lobe symptoms begin, or even if that’s really a meaningful distinction.
I apologise if this does not apply, or upsetting.
1 Like