Putting on weight

Listen, you lot. I see this thread has gone to pot in the last few days. Some of you are actually starting to make sense (except for Jackie. Well done girl!). This will never do. Someone is going to come along and start taking us seriously. And we don’t want that!

I’m going to up my dose of Amantadine and stay awake until next weekend. That should put me in the right frame of mind for, for, …

See! it’s working already.

Q. Why is a kiss like a marmalade sandwich?

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I dunno…why is a kiss like a marmalade sarnie!

Pollwollydoodlealltheday…and night if she gets a chance!

Xxxx

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But it can’t be. A kiss is (mostly) nice wheras a marmalade sandwich is nasty. (And don’t get me started on crumpets with marmalade!)

Sue

A. Because, the more you put into it the stickier it gets.

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Loosing weight is easy.

Drop a plate size. Thats it. Not actually DROP the plate lol, just the size you use, and dont overfill it.

I have stayed steady weight for years, never put on, just stay the same.

I realised that you have to kick out at least 500 calories a day to loose weight. Being sedantary, instead of normal for a women i take in 1500 max a day.

No ALCOHOL though lol, well maybe a tiny glass now and then.

I just never really hungry anymore, since i cut down on my plate size, and also instead of cooking which i struggle with, I get all my food now from whiltshire Farm or Oakhouse.

Drink lots of water and I am sorted.

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Oooooer!!

Oh dear, after two lovely boiling days and hotel food at Llandudno, I think the rest of the week will just have to be a diet of cbd oil and tin prunes! In the words of Ian Brown, “It’s not where you are, it’s where you’re at”.

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Hi Hebe,

I was just thinking; we’ll need a philosopher on board. Have you sent in your cheque/postal order for membership yet?

A last minute addition to the agenda for the next meeting; advertising in Old Moore’s Almanack. Colour or B&W?

Ant.

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Ant, we are all philosophers!!

We’ve all got our own variations on the different reasons why we are who we are!

That’s a tad heavy innit?

I’m off to contemplate me naval now!!!

Pollx

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I think, therefore I, oh crap what is it?

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Buddleia,

Would you take over for a while? I’ve got to have a word with Hebe. There may be an issue regarding oversimplification.

Thanks.

Ant

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Buddleia? Eh, is this a play on Boudica?

Nay, you can’t mess with that courageous, gutsy, feisty redhead… that’s me to a t!!!

the Boudica xxx

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Yeah. Let that be a lesson for all forum users. Never mess with The Boudica.

Anthony’s been sent to bed without any porridge. Again.

signed

Anthony’s Mum.

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I’m glad to hear that Anthony’s Mum has been taking the advice I gave her about naughty boys!

You never, ever, ever mess with Boudica. She’s in charge.

Yours always

Sue

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And my philosophical thought for the evening is, as long as they are not sticking a pipe up your bum, you’re ok! And here is my next appointment

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Don’t tell me you went to the same school I did!

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Did you mean the existentialist school or the one in Shropshire? I think the most unsual thing about school was that we used to try to meditate and lift people up with two fingers on each hand, does anyone remember that phase? Or that my cat used to preempt my long walk to school and would be sat outside the environmental studies building, then the headmistress would insist that I stuffed it into my blazer and walk back home to deposit said ginger persian back in the front room. Once she felt sorry for it and let it rest in her office, only to find when she got back that it had knocked over her milk for tea, drank it and was hanging off her curtains! Not impressed I can tell you and it only resulted in one thing, yes stuffing it back into the blazer and off we went again.

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Dear Hebe,

I don’t think your cat was the only one hanging off the curtains at your school.

Shall I get back to you when your feeling better?

Anthony’s Mum

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Dear Anthony’s Mum

If you did send Anthony to the same school as Hebe, do you now think he could do with some professional help, of the psychiatric variety?

Personally I think you should maybe have investigated the curriculum a little more carefully.

Sue

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Dear Sue,

Anthony IS a psychiatrist.

As you seem to be a sensible woman and wise to the ways of the world, I was wondering if you could give me some advice. My girlfriend and I are going to a swanky country do next month and were wondering what the etiquette for bedroom arrangements are for the modern lesbian. Do we tell the host in advance and risk opprobrium or take pot luck and hope for the best?

Regards,

Abigail (Anthony’s mum)

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