Hi everybody. I’m new here and really have not had a chance to read through various posts to search for answers, so I apologise if my questions have already been answered elsewhere. My girlfriend with whom I have 2 children with was diagnosed with MS 6 years ago, although the type was not given until a year or so later. She has Progressive Relapsing MS. She is totally immobile, bed bound and relys solely on my care for eating, drinking, hygiene etc. basically, everything. She doesn’t see her GP (unless she falls ill with infection) Neurologist, MS Nurse, has no professional carers… Everything or anybody associated with the medical side she refuses to want or be a part of. That was fine, although I didn’t agree with pushing the medical side away, I accepted that and agreed mainly to myself that I would work and try my damn hardest along with looking after my 2 children to give her a good quality of life and keep her happy. For almost 6 years I have accepted my role, gave 100%, when even her own family collectively have not given her 10%. This is where the mental health advice comes in. From day 1, I have been nothing but committed… But recently she has been in my opinion acting strange. As I say, no medical professional is involved so I have absolutely no idea if I’m right or if I’m wrong. I’m rambling trying to fit in 6 years in a short space of time so I’ll get to the point… A few months back I overheard her on the phone (she has a mobile to give herself some independence. Although her speech is fairly affected.) on the phone to emergency services, asking the operator to send someone out to give her medication. I had given her medication an hour before. She has called a few of her family members more than once, in the early hours of the morning to have conversation. And now… I’m being accused of an affair as she “hears me with other women” downstairs of a night. Now… I don’t expect to be believed by strangers but I 100% guarantee that I have never, ever, been unfaithful. Never have, never will. Whilst I’m committed to this relationship, I’m committed all the way. She has even told members of her family and now after all this hard work, I’m a bad guy. I’m not. I’m only familiar with the physical disability side of MS because that’s what I see, every day. I’m not familiar with any defect in the mind. So after all that, my question is… is her behaviour normal and I’m overthinking the situation, or am I right. Is her behaviour abnormal and needs to be assessed? It’s making me not want to spend anymore time doing my job because the accusations, attitude and emotions are making my life harder. And as I’m sure that anybody affected with MS knows… It’s damn hard enough as it is. I apologise for the rambling and look forward to any replys. Thanks.
Hi, I hope even though nobody has replied as yet you have found some help since your post! I share caring responsibilities with my Dad for my Mum who has MS- the physical side is obviously difficult but I would say without a doubt her mental state is much harder to cope with. My advice to you would be to contact someone yourself- my mum can’t recognise that she is not acting ‘normally’- she can be verbally and physically abusive to such a high level though she either does not realise she is doing it or she refuses to acknowledge it. I resorted to contacting her MS nurse and GP myself. If you don’t have the number for the MS nurse my GP practice had it. Since then she’s been prescribed anti depressants and speaks with the nurse more frequently. I’m not saying it’s 100% better and easy to cope with but I find comfort from the fact that I know I can speak to them about these issues and if it ever gets too much they know the situation and are kept in the loop. This may seem a bit harsh but I have also taken to noting down when she is having one of these “episodes” - I write down things she says and does so the healthcare professionals have a clearer picture of what is happening - it’s unfortunate that you won’t get help unless you ask. I must say I also note them down because when someone comes to see her she can just switch back to being happy as Larry in an instant. Don’t let it get to the point where her behaviour is so difficult you’re struggling too much yourself. Even if your girlfriend won’t accept help from anyone other than you, it doesn’t mean you can’t!