Hi everybody. I’m new here and really have not had a chance to read through various posts to search for answers, so I apologise if my questions have already been answered elsewhere. My girlfriend with whom I have 2 children with was diagnosed with MS 6 years ago, although the type was not given until a year or so later. She has Progressive Relapsing MS. She is totally immobile, bed bound and relys solely on my care for eating, drinking, hygiene etc. basically, everything. She doesn’t see her GP (unless she falls ill with infection) Neurologist, MS Nurse, has no professional carers… Everything or anybody associated with the medical side she refuses to want or be a part of. That was fine, although I didn’t agree with pushing the medical side away, I accepted that and agreed mainly to myself that I would work and try my damn hardest along with looking after my 2 children to give her a good quality of life and keep her happy. For almost 6 years I have accepted my role, gave 100%, when even her own family collectively have not given her 10%. This is where the mental health advice comes in. From day 1, I have been nothing but committed… But recently she has been in my opinion acting strange. As I say, no medical professional is involved so I have absolutely no idea if I’m right or if I’m wrong. I’m rambling trying to fit in 6 years in a short space of time so I’ll get to the point… A few months back I overheard her on the phone (she has a mobile to give herself some independence. Although her speech is fairly affected.) on the phone to emergency services, asking the operator to send someone out to give her medication. I had given her medication an hour before. She has called a few of her family members more than once, in the early hours of the morning to have conversation. And now… I’m being accused of an affair as she “hears me with other women” downstairs of a night. Now… I don’t expect to be believed by strangers but I 100% guarantee that I have never, ever, been unfaithful. Never have, never will. Whilst I’m committed to this relationship, I’m committed all the way. She has even told members of her family and now after all this hard work, I’m a bad guy. I’m not. I’m only familiar with the physical disability side of MS because that’s what I see, every day. I’m not familiar with any defect in the mind. So after all that, my question is… is her behaviour normal and I’m overthinking the situation, or am I right. Is her behaviour abnormal and needs to be assessed? It’s making me not want to spend anymore time doing my job because the accusations, attitude and emotions are making my life harder. And as I’m sure that anybody affected with MS knows… It’s damn hard enough as it is. I apologise for the rambling and look forward to any replys. Thanks.
hi clarkee
cognitive difficulties are a known symptom of ms.
most have memory lapses or the like.
your wife needs to allow medical people in but it sounds as if she has no intention of doing so.
why dont you call the ms society helpline who may be able to give advice or pass you on to someone who can.
this is a terrible aspect of ms - the impact it has on partners and families.
take care of yourself
carole x
Hi Clarkee,
My wife, who has RRMS, was in denial for years and didn’t want to see a neurologist in case he told her what she already knew.
MS is a really difficult disease to face up to; both for the sufferer and those close to them. It doesn’t just affect the patient. It affects everyone around them. I recognise the unreasonable behaviour, but just keep telling yourself that it’s not your wife, it’s the disease that is causing the problem.
One common factor in MS is depression, and given the prognosis for the patient, it’s hardly surprising. Depression can be treated by your GP, and there are many really good medications for this. It would not be a surprise if both of you are suffering, and though it might be difficult for your wife to face the depression as well as the MS, if she is depressed and is not receiving treatment, then one tablet a day could make a world of difference.
Best of luck.