As some of you knew I was really quite worried about my 12 year old daughter as she was beginning to struggle with my disabilities. Once my formal diagnosis came in the summer she took it really badly.
Well on Thursday/Friday she took a wee breakdown and let the barriers down and cried and cried, and I really do mean it she is not a crier, she is as deep as the ocean.
she wants her old mummy back, she doesn’t want me sore every time she cuddles me (trust me some of those hugs she thinks she’s 2 not 12!) she wants me to be fun again all the time not sore and tired and upset and needing a rest.
It was heartbreaking, but I was also glad it came out. I finally got her today to read the children’s guide to MS today after her refusing to read it up till now. It helped a lot, I also spoke to her school again, because she is doing more and more at home for me, she has to know 10 different medications. She has to help me up in the morning on about 20% of the time, get me out of bed get me meds and help me with stairs and things. Then after school she has to help with house things as well as me, so we have discussed it and we are going to register her as young carer, even though she isn’t my main carer she does a lot for a youngster.
You daughter is already a hero. As long as you emphasise that both of you are a team who can work together for both of your benefit, you can certainly make the best of it. Keeping school informed is a brilliant idea. When I taught year six I had a young carer in the class. When she knew that I knew her response was very positive. I made some allowances and told her several stories of my own experience and my father’s caring of my grandma.
Thank you For that Steve, she is just going off for the school bus, and she does feel much better, less on her own!
We don’t have extended family support and most friends have disappeared, but we are very close and knowing she has the school and us behind her is helping. I’m looking forward to parents night and seeing how she’s really getting on.
Ah Polly what a wonderful daughter… yes a hero… and I’m so glad she opened up to you. I’m sure she will feel much better now that she’s talked and cried about it. Also what a wonderful mother you are. And great that the school know what’s going on.
Thank you Pat and Don, she will love that Don, thank you.
She watched the video from the boy from JLS who was a child carer for his mum and the little soul, you could see her shoulders just relax down to see that she’s not alone.
Yes I’m feeling guilty, I wish to The Lord above for the first time simply for Holly’s sake, I wish I’d got this disabled when I was older, so that she wasn’t so responsible for me. Then I felt guilty for feeling that lol!
by 7 am this morning she was up and dressed and her hair done and had me up and downstairs, with my tablets and a cup of tea that she had made me, then came the toast and jam, and she sat with me having the same. Before finishing getting ready for school. All because my hubby’s away.
ive had 2 calls from her today to check on me. She’s a star, just want her to have a proper childhood
I think now its all out in the open, so to speak, things will be better, what a little star your lovely daughter is.
She could also join the Young Ccarers association, where they meet others in a similar position, which I think helps, and also they have days out, social events etc.
Thinking of you both, you are a great team ((((hugs))))
What a wonderful daughter Polly! You should be very proud of yourself as well as her…you must be a really great Mum for her to be so caring and loving.
Holly was sick through the night so she’s off school today, she has just read these posts, and went a tad red. The wee soul was embarrassed but she said I can’t believe how nice all these people are!
I told her she deserves it, she really does. Thankfully her sickness has passed, but she’s having a wee day off school, it’s half term next week anyway, think the Chinese we ordered last night didn’t agree with her poor thing.
however she is still looking after me before herself. I’m a lucky girl.
Polly you must be so proud of Holly. My experience with my daughter was very difficult. I’ve been a single parent all of Jen’s life, she was about 12 when I became ill and found it very difficult to cope with. Initially she was very angry and we fought constantly, it was awful. I finally got a dx when she was 14 and things got even worse with her self harming and our rows raised the roof.
My OT referred her to Young Carers and she was allocated a counsellor who was fantastic. She taught her anger management and self hypnosis and would meet up with her after school or come to the house to see us, both individually and together. She’d mediate any issues that bothered either of us and we’ve never looked back.
We are now closer than we’ve ever been, we can talk about anything and although we still have little fall outs they’re nothing like we used to have. We’ve both had to bend, she has trouble accepting that I’m still an adult woman who refuses to let the illness run my life. I will still do what I can, but I have a lady come in for an hour every week to do chores I can’t manage. And I’ve agreed to get a decent mobile phone and keep it with me at all times in case I need help. I also have to allow her to help me. We have the best relationship now and she still keeps apologising for being so horrible with me.
I’d definitely recommend you get her referred to young carers as they get help and support when things feel overwhelming or they have issues they might feel uncomfortable discussing with us. But please tell her I say well done Holly, your mum is very lucky to have you.
Hi Polly, a big hug for Holly and a well done for dealing with her feelings in a positive way by letting the tears flow and talking to you about how she feels. Well done to you for being the type of mum who encourages the expression of feelings.